Is it me.. or her?

[EccentriC]

Hey, everone

 

Well this may be a common problem to so many of you out there, but a problem is not a problem unless it happens to you, as they say. Well i met this girl some years ago, we started a very good friendship which eventually became a relationship, a very strong one too. When we first met, she really seemed beautiful with her green eyes, sweet vertically elliptical face, great body.. etc. Anyway, we were good friends then, had a sweet relationship recently, and now we're engaged.

 

The problem is NOW! I don't see that beauty that once shined anymore. She's rarely, if ever, wears nice makeup. She wears baggy clothes with her hair wrapper up. She does not like the color pink because..."it's too girly"!!! What kind of girl would reject something for being too girly for her?! I've given her tons of hints (didn't wanna tell her directly for fear of hurting her feelings) about how i really like a girl who takes care of her looks, and the girly type as well. But none of that seemed to work. Unfortunately, i cannot help but look at other more beautiful girls! What's making me nervous about this is that i've reached a level where i'm starting to "compare" her with the other girls. That's a very bad sign like many of you know.

 

Yet, i don't know if this is a confusion, that i might have just realized that i'm not satisfied with her beauty (after all this time), or that she's having trouble staying beautiful, at least for herself. If this sounds familiar to you, please feel free to write. ANY response is highly appreciated, thanks!

 

Boy

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hmm yea. U like her but like every guy, u want her 2 look good even tho it sometimes isn't just about the looks. I dunno what 2 say, it's her body and if she wants 2 look like that, then u'll just hav 2 accept it but she's still the same person u fell in luv with.

 

Happy Heb

[glassbell]

Sure you want your fiancee to look attractive for you. I am a girl myself, but I know how important the visual aspect is for guys. And I know how in the first, blind crazy love time your new partner really can't do anything wrong, and now, after a while, you suddenly start to notice little aspects of her that you don't like as much.

 

First of all: Have you figured out for yourself that in spite of what you call 'this problem', you do still love her?

 

Secondly. You have given her hints. Did they really come through though? Have you tried to just open up and tell her how you used to adore her looks when she was still taking care of her appearance and how you would love to see her that way again now? If you do this though, be sure you make clear to her that you wouldn't care for her any less if she would stay just as she is now.

 

If you love her, you'll have to accept and appreciate her the way she wants to be. You cannot force her to change. And if she makes clear that she really doesn't feel like taking more care of her looks, please don't make her unhappy and insecure by keeping on dropping mean little hints about her appearance.

 

good luck to you two

~glassbell

[faeriechyld]

First of all, there's nothing wrong with a girl detesting the color pink. I am a woman, and I hate it. I never wear it and it does not match my style. In fact, if anyone in my life saw me in pink, I think they'd keel over and die on the spot.

Secondly, as glassbell said, can you look past this so called "problem" and still love her for who she is? I'd also like to point out that make up, though very helpful in ENHANCING beauty and the like, can be referred to as "fake" seeing as it covers up imperfections.

To me it sounds as though this relationship has a lot of problems. Your focus on her appearance, her lack of attention to her appearance, and your lack of communication skills by not being able to get through to her your true feelings in a non-negative and more encouraging way.

Well, at any rate, I wish you luck.

[secret_agent_man]

In fact, if anyone in my life saw me in pink, I think they'd keel over and die on the spot.

 

LOL

 

Anyway, it is tough, because people get comfortable and change. Do you still buy her flowers as often and do all of the little things you used to? All of that fades somewhat, and its a good thing it doesn't take too long, because it's good to know the real person before making a life commitment.

 

She might be unmotivated to make an effort to do the small things. Try doing something really nice like buying flowers, and when she asks why, say something like "Because I miss the little things like this, and I wanted to show you I love you". She may realize that she wants to be all cute like she used to.

 

If not, don't fret. She is her own person, and you can't make her look the way you want all of the time. Maybe if something like this is making you question your relationship, you may be unhappy in other areas...

 

Any of that ringing a bell?

 

S.A.M.

[faeriechyld]

 

Do you still buy her flowers as often and do all of the little things you used to? All of that fades somewhat, and its a good thing it doesn't take too long, because it's good to know the real person before making a life commitment.

 

She might be unmotivated to make an effort to do the small things. Try doing something really nice like buying flowers, and when she asks why, say something like "Because I miss the little things like this, and I wanted to show you I love you". She may realize that she wants to be all cute like she used to.

 

That's a good point. Maybe if you do like secret agent man said and try to do things to show her you love her, she will return the favor. Don't listen to the rest of us, this is good advice right here. If you want something changed, you have to help in the changing. Telling her may not be enough, showing her you love her should prompt her to show you she loves you. And that may include dressing extra special just for you once in a while. It does fade though, that's why both people need to continue to try and show their affections every once in a while. I sent my boyfriend a basket of candy bars and toy cars from 1800 flowers and he was estatic!

[EccentriC]

Guys and girls,

 

Thank you so much for your suggestions/advices. I really like the idea of showing love to get love in return. I don't know why i never thought of that! Well mucho grazie to all of ya

 

Boy