Friends into Lovers!!!!

[Becks23]

Hiya guys,

I haven't posted on here for awhile with a problem! I would like some advice on a situation I have gotta myself into too.. Here goes

I'll call him Terry.. I've known Terry for 17 years and I am now 23.. I went to school with him and we have always been the best of friends.. As kids and teenagers we used to knock about together with a group of mates.. He has even dated on of my best friends..

Anyway, over the last year or so he has been there for me when my bloke broke my heart and dumped me.. He gave me a shoulder to cry on and he was really a true friend.. We know each other inside out.. Anyway a few weeks ago I see him round town and he makes a fuss of me and buy me a drink.. I have never seen him in a 'I fancy you' way until the other night.. We was chatting and having a good laugh and I felt some attraction and flirting going on between us.. I didn't think no more about it until this weekend..

He works away all week and he is mainly home on weekends.. I ended up bumping into him on sat nite and he ended up staying with me and my mate.. My mate pulled his kid and it was just the two of us.. We was dancing, laughing and joking and then all of a sudden we kissed.. It felt so right and so wrong at the same time..

We talked about things in general and he mentioned to me that I shouldn't fall for him cos he said that he is a w****r and that he will only hurt me.. Is he saying this cos he made a mistake? Or is he saying this cos he doesn't know what to do?

My mother has always told me that if you are friends with someone, you trust them and respect them and it's a good way to start off a relationship..

I'm alittle confused now for my feelings for him as I did have a crush on him when I was about 9-13.. Is it happening again?

Please advise guys!

Thanks xxx

[kellbell]

Hi Becks!

 

Good to see you again. What you are feeling is very understandable and normal. Your guy mate has helped you through some tough times and has seen you at your most vulnerable state. And you have known him most of your life. So your feelings are completely understandable.

 

"It felt so right and so wrong at the same time."

 

It probably felt right because you have some feelings for him and as you put it a crush but it felt wrong because you and him have buddies for such a long time. I think what happened is that you both got caught in the moment...the booze, the music, the dancing, the laughter and fun prompted this. All of these are ingredients for a spontaneous kiss like that.

 

"We talked about things in general and he mentioned to me that I shouldn't fall for him cos he said that he is a w****r and that he will only hurt me.. Is he saying this cos he made a mistake? Or is he saying this cos he doesn't know what to do?"

 

Well, I would take his word on this one. Because if he wanted to persue this, he would have been more than happy to take things further and on a another level. He is also probably worried about you getting hurt too. I don't think he thinks he made a mistake, I think he is telling you that it was just a kiss but nothing more. He knows what to do, he told you not to "fall for him." He probably has no idea you feel this way about him and maybe it's a good idea not to tell him. Judging from his actions and what you wrote, he is not interested in a relationship with you.

 

Now as far as where do you go from here...well that is a tough one because you two are best mates and known each for a long time. I could not honestly say what I would do in if I was in that situation...I guess I may lay low for awhile and try to keep myself out of situations where I would get hurt. I see this situation causing pain for you if you don't nip this one in the bud quickly. I'm sorry my take on this is not promising. I wish you all the best and take care.

[Becks23]

Hi Kellbell,

Thanks for the reply.. The advice is your post was very good and quite interesting.. I think I know myself that it was a mistake but I feel that if I let it, it could be a regular thing with him.. The only thing I worry about is that if I lie low for a while and I don't contact him, he will feel as if something is wrong.. He knows me inside out and he would probably think that I am ignoring him if I don't contact on a regular basis.. It's a very confusing situation cos I care so much about him and he is a true friend but then on the other way of things I think he would make a great boyfriend.. He has been hurt in the past, just like me and I think we would be good together.. I am still healing myself over my break up so I do think it's best to stay friends for the moment.. My mother worries me cos she said that we will end up being together later on in life.. She thinks the world of him.. I've told her the situation and she says good for you, at least I know him! lol..

xxx

[kellbell]

Well, moms always wants her kids to be happy. And she knows how you feel about him and he is great to you so it makes sense she is rooting for him.

 

But you mentioned you are still recovering from a break-up, that has to be the most wrong time to get into a new relationship...all you going to do is bring baggage into the relationship.

 

It's hard to say what to do....this gets tricky. I mean do you spend a great deal of time with him? Like I mentioned before, I am not exactly sure what I would do. Let me know how you are doing.

[Becks23]

It's an awkward situation between us now.. I know all about him and his past and he knows all about mine.. We have both had the same problems with partners hurting us and cheating on us, so we have comforted each other over the years.. I don't wanna drag him into the mess of my last break up which is why I think it might be a crush but I don't wanna look back and think 'well we didn't try so i'll never know'.. I see him nearly every week as he works away during the week.. We catch up most weekends and it's both of us who does the running to meet up and get together.. I just aint sure what to do or how to handle it.. I just wanna make sure that I don't lose him as a friend!!!

xxx