fiance hanging out with another girl

[makeupgrl99]

Hi everyone!

 

I have an issue that hopefully some of you can help me with.

 

Let me explain my situation first:

 

So my fiance has alot of girl friends. THey are just friends and I trust him with that. There is one that he claims is his best friend that I just don't like. I don't know what it is, but she is just shady...I get bad vibes from her. They have dated in the past, yrs ago, and have stayed friends ever since. They both have pictures with eachother on their online profiles like myspace saying their little sayings and how they are best friends forever blah blah blah. Keep in mind that we are in our mid 20s so this shoudn't be a childish issue. So this is what happened, lets call her Pat.

 

Few weeks ago, an old friend of mine that knows Pat as well, aims me online telling me that my fiance is out to dinner and a movie with Pat. My fiance never mentioned that he would be going out with her. My friend gives me Pats screenname, and this is her away msg "out with Dinks, priceless!"

(dinks is her nickname for my fiance). I get all upset, start calling my fiance asking him where he is, why didn't I know this and so on. My fiance got very mad that I would accuse him of cheating on me, when I should know that he would never do that saying Pat is just his friend and he can hang out w/her whenever he wants.

 

This has upset me tremendously. I don't feel comfortable with him going out with girls, even though they are JUST his friends out to eat, movies, little "dates". Especially since I don't like her, and dont trust her. For some reason I think she still has feelings for my fiance and he may be attracted to her. I have no idea why I think this, but I do.

 

The other day her away msg said something that implied that she was with him. He was online all night, but I think she was there too.

 

Am I being crazy?

my fiance keeps accusing me of being jelous of her. I am not jelous of her, I dont even think she is attractive, there is nothing that I would be jelous of besides her spending time with my boy without me there.

 

 

So bottom line is, am I wrong for being upset that he hangs out w/her going out to dinners, sending her msgs of their little secret sayings and nicknames and such. I honestly don't think my fiance would ever cheat on me physically with a girl, but I'm not sure about him having feelings for another one. He has other girl friend that he claims is his best friend too, but she is super sweet to me, and has never made me feel like there is anything more then just friendship between the two of them, unlike Pat.

 

 

How can I resolve this?

Very sorry for the long post, but I had to give the details to make more sense.

[jecht]

Hmmm how close is he with this Pat like does he often go out with her and is he spending more time with her then you if so there could be problems here

[makeupgrl99]

he spends time with me every weekend. Her maybe once a week or less. Maybe most of the time every few weeks.

[good_charlotte_freak2]

Hmm...Ifyou don't like it tell him. See what his dicision is.

[makeupgrl99]

he knows....

[Blue Skittles]

Let him know it bothers you. Chances are he probably won't change anything, especially based on his reactions so far. So, you know he is not cheating on you, but you are uncomfortable. Personally, I think you have every reason to feel this way. But it looks like your choices are either deal with it, and don't let it bother you, or break up with him. Cuz I don't think theres anything u can say or do thats gonna make him end such a strong friendship.

[Hope75]

Well honestly I wouldn't like it either. 'Best Friends' or not, your fiance and this girl have a romantic history together and it seems pretty inappropriate that they are going on these little 'dates' together alone without you. They may be friends, but they are also "exes".

 

You mentioned he has another female friend who you are fine with, but something in your intuition just feels wrong about this Pat... could it be the history, or that fact that he curiously omitted to you that he was having dinner and seeing a movie with her alone?

 

Since you've already discussed this with him and he doesn't seem willing to budge, you have to decide, are you willing to put up with his over the limits friendship with this woman, or is it too much to bear and will you leave him?

 

Personally if my guy was doing this, knowing how much it hurt me, and choosing her side over my feelings (and we were ENGAGED...) I would wonder how important I and my thoughts and feelings were, and how this would follow into the marriage.

[Vanilla]

I oculdnt agree more. I know some guys can tell you its cool to have female friends and all....but every single guy friend i have say that if a guy in a committed relationship is way too close with a girl "firend" that its probably a bit weird.

 

One thing is he has femalefriends which he sees maybe at work or school,more like acquaintances, but movie and dinner? sounds like a date to me.

 

I'd be so pissed if my guy did that...sorry but he'd have to acknowledge my feelings or else I'd have some second doubts. if you dont demand respect now this will happen always.

[Iceman26]

You aren't crazy, he has no business going out with other women if he is engaged to you. It should be you he is going out with, not her.

 

I'd say if he keeps forcing this issue back on you (like he did when he accused you of being jealous) then you should reconsider this relationship.

 

Can you imagine being married to him, and him going to hang out with this other woman all the time?

[Caterina]

I dated a guy for three weeks, and when I saw that he had a lot of girlfriends, I immediately addressed the issue with him. Your fiance is not showing respect for you, and I feel for you b/c you shouldn't be forced tos tand up for yourself when in a relatinship. Relationships are supposed to be wonderful, not stressful.

[romeo0328]

This would bother me too. My girlfriend, which is no my ex, decided that her ex-dates and making friends with new guys were more important than my feelings and our relationship. We had plenty of fights because of that and we finally broke up because I didn't feel cherished, appreciated and save.

I think there is no point in spending time with someone who doesn't respect his mates feelings. How could you spend the rest of your life together with such a person? I would really reconsider that marriage. Good luck.

[greent]

I also agree that he should be considering your feelings more. When you are committed to someone, you have the obligation to make them feel comfortable no matter what. Now, I would have different advice if you were just dating but since you are engaged, that means he must ALWAYS consider your feelings first. Even before his own.

 

I just recently came out of a relationship where I had a best friend who is a girl. I would've fought like hell if my girlfriend asked me to stop hanging out with her. It could be dangerous if you ask him to do this. I would recommend you feel him out a little to see if there is even the slightest romantic interest. Because if there is, he may cheat or pull away down the road if things get slightly rocky between you and him. I know from experience that it's a lot easier to break things off when you've got someone else in mind.

 

Do you have good enough reason to feel jealous? Most jealousy is the direct result of personal insecurity. You need to ask yourself if she has something to offer that you don't. And is what she has to offer something he wants?

 

But like I said, feel him out a bit. If you still feel she's a threat, ask him to stop hanging out with her. Either he'll pull away from you or he'll break it off with her. If he pulls away you are better off without him. If he stops seeing her then you know you'll be better off without her around.

[Iceman26]

Just so you guys know, she made this post 5 months ago, and hasn't been back since.