greent

I didn't stay in a loveless relationship. I love and care about my ex but what was missing was the spark. What was missing was the real connection that I had never felt until living with her cousin. I didn't do her any injustice by staying with her. Don't forget this is a relationship that started in high school. It's not like what you expect out of a serious adult relationship. When I considered my future with her and things started to get very serious, that's when I decided I had to get out. I never strung her along. There was a friendship holding us together. But as soon as I realized that wasn't enough I told her about it. It just took a year to develop to a full breakup. Now I will say that I'm not heartbroken and it was relatively easy to get out of the relationship. When I say that I have no desire to be alone or date other girls it is not because I just came out of a serious relationship. It is because I have very strong feelings for someone... she just happens to be the cousin of my ex. I'm sure you know the feeling. No matter what you do you can't help but think of one person. The person you want to be with. You are right, my concern is not for my ex but for the cousin. My ex will have to move on no matter what. She's lost me any way you look at it. The only concern I have for the future is to do with the cousin. But back to the idea of needing to be alone for a while, I think you are right on target. I'm going to try to take it easy for a while and let things pick back up once I'm happy by myself. I say that but who knows. I'm sure things will work out some other way I haven't considered. There's no way I could have called anything up to this point so why should I think I can predict anything now? One last thing.. someone said that there are several other people out there that I can have that connection with. A person like that is hard to find. Obviously I didn't and won't get into the details of why I feel as connected to her as I do but she is one of a kind and so am I. And I know she feels it too or she never would have risked what she has up to this point. I may be young but I've met a lot of people. She is the only person I've ever been emotionally attracted to. I'm sure there is someone else somewhere I could feel this for but is it worth the risk of giving up this one? What if I don't find it? What about her? Knowing her as well as I do, I know she would have an extremely hard time finding someone she can connect with. I fear for her happiness as much as my own.

I also agree that he should be considering your feelings more. When you are committed to someone, you have the obligation to make them feel comfortable no matter what. Now, I would have different advice if you were just dating but since you are engaged, that means he must ALWAYS consider your feelings first. Even before his own. I just recently came out of a relationship where I had a best friend who is a girl. I would've fought like hell if my girlfriend asked me to stop hanging out with her. It could be dangerous if you ask him to do this. I would recommend you feel him out a little to see if there is even the slightest romantic interest. Because if there is, he may cheat or pull away down the road if things get slightly rocky between you and him. I know from experience that it's a lot easier to break things off when you've got someone else in mind. Do you have good enough reason to feel jealous? Most jealousy is the direct result of personal insecurity. You need to ask yourself if she has something to offer that you don't. And is what she has to offer something he wants? But like I said, feel him out a bit. If you still feel she's a threat, ask him to stop hanging out with her. Either he'll pull away from you or he'll break it off with her. If he pulls away you are better off without him. If he stops seeing her then you know you'll be better off without her around.

I mean I think that I influence her decisions by pursuing things. I wonder if it is wrong to pursue things knowing that she won't be able to make a rational, objective decision when her feelings are still strong. Should I take it upon myself to step back or should it be her decision to tell me that's what she wants? Angela1234, that is good advice and I know that's exactly what I need. The problem I'm currently facing is that, because of my feelings, I don't have a desire to be alone or see what else is out there. What's a good way to get into that mode? When I go out I'll talk to other girls but I can't help but keep thinking about her. I can't even force myself to be interested in anyone else. Luckily, she's going on a 3 week trip in a couple of weeks so I'm hoping I'll be able to clear my head during that time. Either I'll miss her terribly or I'll be able to separate myself from her emotionally. I hope it's the latter. It's one thing to say all this but then she calls and it's all out the window again. My rational thoughts are a slave to my emotions. Any advice on how to deal with that?

Sorry, something weird happened with that last post

So I guess I feel like I should go for it. But as someone said, it's not worth losing family or friends over. I'm not really risking anything, so from my perspective it's not as difficult. But on that subject, what does her family really do for her. Aside from holidays and family functions, the rest of her life she is still left to do as she pleases. So I'm conflicted in that regard. But would I be wrong to pursue things knowing what she's risking? Or is it her choice to make? While it is technically in her control, I have a large influence over the decisions she makes. Because of her feelings, I have the power to make her go against her better judgement. Am I wrong to influence her for my/our benefit?

So, I've got myself into a pretty serious situation that I need advice on. To be fully understood I need to give the history of the situation. Sorry if it's long but much of it is important. I had been in a serious relationship from 5 years ago up until about a month ago. I'm 22 years old and had been with her since my senior year in high school. It started as a friendship and ended up developing into a relationship because that's what she wanted. She showed a lot of interest and even though I wasn't interested, I didn't want to hurt her because I cared about her. So I let myself fall into it. Being 17, I don't think I was mature enough to know this was a bad choice. Things continued on over 5 years and became steadily more serious and with graduating college talks of marriage even began to arise. I went along with it assuming I could continue to be content. Then it got bad. After graduating college we moved in together. We had two roommates. One was a guy I knew from college and the other was my girlfriend's cousin. Now her cousin and I always got along really well. It was kind of one of those things where when you talk to the person you instantly feel connected to them but you don't know why. On top of that she and I share a lot of common interests. I'm a very athletic person and so is she. We run, bike, ski, and do all kinds of physical activities together. While my girlfriend is over weight and doesn't really do anything physical. This is a huge problem for me because at 22, my hobbies are a huge part of my life. Needless to say, over the past year of living together, the cousin and I have developed strong feelings for each other. Neither of us knew about the other's feelings until very recently when I began showing signs of wanting to break up with my girlfriend. We started to talk alot online and emailing back and forth. During and just after the breakup all of our feelings for each other came out into the open. I have since moved out and we have continued to hang out a lot and things are beginning to develop into something more. The danger in this is that my ex can never find out or she would hate her cousin for it. On top of that, to my frustration, my ex's immediate family seemed to have alot invested into our relationship. So, by getting involved with me, the cousin is risking losing a relationship with her cousin and a significant part of her family. Is it worth it to pursue things further? Or should we back off and forget about everything. The latter option forces us to suppress some very strong feelings and I'm not sure if either of us have the strength or desire to give up what we have. So, with all emotions considered, what is the best course of action to take? Do we do what makes us happy or do we give into what the social situation says we should do? Also, could the family ever be OK with us being together? After all, it only affects a small part of their lives while it is hugely important to us.