I'm 26 and he's 40!

[isthistheend]

I have been with my boyfriend now for over 2 years and I feel its finally come to an end. With a 14 year age difference, things may not have gone as smoothly as we would have liked. He's very macho & 'old school' & very set into his ways. He also has a 7 year old daughter that I get along great with, but he's been in the process of divorce with her mother for over 6 years now!! The only thing I ever asked of him was to get a divorce, yet nothing has happened!! The paperwork has been filed, but it seems as if its collecting dust on the attorney's desk!!

I don't know how much longer I can handle this! We constantly fight over the same thing 'THE DIVORCE' yet he doesn't do anything to reassure me. He just says' it'll be over soon'. Not only that, he constantly talks about how much he hates his ex!

I'm sick of this, but I love him dearly, yet I need to live my life with a man who wants to share the rest of his life with me!

I'm so confused!! I don't want to give up, yet I feel its my only choice!

[charmed]

Hi There !

 

Welcome to the enotalone forum. I understand that you are feeling pressure from the lack of progress in your partners divorce. I imagine that you are very frustrated right now.

 

You need to sit with him and talk this out. Let him know how much this is effecting you and if needs be, give him a choice you and divorce, or no you and no divorce. In saying that, the divorce may be taking this long for some reason, but all you really want is to know where you stand.

 

Raise this as an issue with him, and explain to him how much it is upsetting you and how you are feeling - pretty much exactly what you told us here in your post. If he loves you, he will do everything in his power to re-assure you that he is doing everything he can to close that part of his life. You need closure too - and until you get it, you won't be happy.

 

Hope this helps !

 

~ Charmed. ~

[kdreger]

Sometimes only fear of losing something will cause you look at your mistakes and choices.

 

Ask for a break. Tell him why you need it. Be strong.

 

Either he will wake up to losing you and start to take your concerns seriously or it will be the end.

 

BUT don't just break up. Give him a chance to grow and change as he looks at himself respective to the cause of the break. That way if it ends you will be better at peace with happens as you gave him a chance.

[funkygirl758]

Look, I am in the same situation. My husband and I have a 17 year age gap. At first, it was no big deal, but now (6 years later) things are a little rougher. He is also old school and macho. I would reccommend ending it while you are not fully committed. Of course, evaluate your situation seriously before you take any advice. And don't have any of your own children with him until you make a firm decision!

[isthistheend]

Well after the whole 'DIVORCE' argument, I had to attend a conference out of town for 4 days. I have since returned and he still won't speak to me. He ignores all my calls and when I went his apartment, he never showed up!?

What kind of game is he trying to play?? I'd really like to discuss the argument with him, but he won't take my calls.

What can I do? I love him, but how much am I supposed to take?

He always says I'm immature...Who's immature now??

HELP!!

[amtheredoingthat]

Oh, oh... I hate to say it, but I don't think it's a game he's playing. I think he's saying it's over.

 

In some ways I was in a situation like you recently, in a general sense. I knew things were NOT right -- I was on the edge of ending the relationship because of it -- then my BF beat me to the punch.

 

Here is the hard part -- where you have to look at the situation and realize that despite your love for this person, you were also getting hurt and you deserved better. So while he "beat you to the punch" in ending this relationship, you really were ready for it, weren't you? You were tired of getting hurt. Think about it...

 

And he's ending it because he CAN'T do things differently for you. He knows what you need from him... He won't (or wouldn't) do what you NEEDED, and now, for that reason, he's calling it quits.

 

It hurts like hell, I know. Be strong... In only a short time, you will be glad it's over.