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"I need some time" is that a bad sign ?

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Mouse Potatoe, I agree 100% with what you say, and you are right, I did open my heart too soon. In a way, the fact that she says she is not sure if she loves me is actually a GOOD thing because it means she is probably gone "ok, things are getting serious now, he really is coming, he's not playing games, how do I REALLY feel". I remmeber chatting ages ago to a girl from China who told me she loved me after the second e-mail, and yeah, I didn't believe it and it freaked me out. With "Jennifer" (changed name to protect her ID), there was more sincerity and more..genuiness about her. I am going to e-mail her now and give it to her straight. Tell me how she feels or I'm not coming. Harsh, but I think she need a fright


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Well, I did one better than e-mail her...I called her and spoke to her and she was honest with me and told me the following :


(1) As soon as she knew I was coming, she began to take the relationshp more seriously and didn't want things to go too fast - she wants there to be a natural "courting" period when she can get to know me and also, because that is what her family expect too, (they are strict apparently)


(2) The "I'm too busy to talk" excuse was an excuse but only becasue her stress at work and the stress of my persistent questioning made her feel worse. Whenever she logged onto MSN, she became moody and edgy because she half expected me to interrogate her again, which is difficult when she is working and her boss is always on her case.


(3) She pointed out that her family bless our relationship and if she wasn't interested, then she wouldnt tell her family, or seek their approval


(4) She feels strongly enough about me to feel confident that things will be good between us, otherwise she wouldn't ask me to come. She made it clear that if she wasn't interested then she wouldnt waste my time, or her family's time either.


(5) Her father has blessed our realtionship because he apparently has seen "positve changes" in her since she knew me. She is apparently more motivated at work, has more desire to do well and succeed, because I inspire her apparently


(6) She pointed out that if her family DID'NT bless us, then that would be a much more serious thing than a case of pre-meeting jitters. she made me realise that what we have is a lot more than what we don't have.



She isn't the only person in my life who has accused me of being persistent and going on and on all the time. Maybe I am the victim of my own insecurities and should learn to trust more.

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Well, it sounds like things are pretty decent then. I think, like you say, now is definitely the time to just let go and trust. Get back to how you used to communicate with her and away from the questioning. Even if you feel the urge, avoid it. I'm glad you got the responses you did... seems pretty reasonable under the circumstances. Good luck

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  • 4 weeks later...

Well, I just got back from the Philippines where I met my g/f AND her family and it was GREAT !!!!!!!! as soon as we saw each other at the airport, there was like this "wow" feeling, like we had waited for soo long to be together and we got on really well. We didn't see enough of each other because she was unable to get time off work, but this gave me time to bond with her family and and she loved me all the more for it. A couple of her cousins tricked me into bying them t-shirts cos they were skint an knew I was from UK and had money, but she told them off, but everybody was so friendly and welcoming and the bottle of scotch I brought for her father didn't last long !!


All seems to be ok and I can't wait to see her again


Thanks for all the advice

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  • 3 weeks later...

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