"Not Ready" or "Not Into Me?"- Another update on No-Kiss Guy!

[smittenkitten]

OK. We've been doing really well since our New Year's Eve talk. He's come over to my house a few times, we've continued to enjoy talking & spending time with each other, and he's even (gasp!) been kissing me.

 

Unfortunately he's disappeared. The last time I saw him was last Saturday. Everything was great until we got back to his house. He told me he was "really really tired" & needed to go to bed, and sent me home at 11 pm. (Our dates usually last until 2 or 3 am.) I went home feeling like something was off, but I didn't know what.

 

I went online & was messing around, & I sent him a few emails about a project we're working on... then, at 2:30 am I went to a dating site I know he's on (although he says he's not looking for anyone, he just has friends on there...)- and found that he was online.

 

Yikes. I felt so bad. I realized that he wasn't "really really tired", he just didn't want to spend any more time with me & got rid of me. I sent him another email but didn't mention seeing him online, just said I was feeling kind of stupid & wanted to talk to him. (My other emails that night had been really light, I don't think I was over the top- just "check this out" kind of things). I didn't say my problem was with him, just that I wanted to talk to him.

 

He didn't call the next day, and I thought he might not have gotten my message. I went back to the site at 1 am & he was on again; so then I felt like he was just ignoring me & just wanted to talk to other women. So I got kind of mad & sent him a "Guess I got things wrong, sorry about that, I had fun, good luck" email. (I know, STUPID!!!) I expected to hear back from him (ie, "Hey wait a minute, what's going on?"), but didn't.

 

I suffered all day Monday, then Tuesday afternoon I sent him yet another email. (Definitely moving into psycho-girl territory?!?!) I apologized & said that I was worried something was wrong b/c I hadn't heard from him, and I really cared about him & didn't want to lose his friendship, what was going on, etc.

 

He did answer this email... saying "After not hearing from you Sunday or Monday, I'm not sure what's going on, but I get the impression you think something's wrong?" (HUH?!?! In total, I sent him 6 emails!!!)

 

He said he was confused & taking some time for himself, not to worry, he didn't want to lose my friendship but he wasn't ready for a serious relationship & he feels like I want a more committed relationship than he can give me. That he's still processing his past hurts (from his last girlfriend) and he needs to get a solid foundation under himself before he can pursue anything. He said "I'm not saying never, I'm just saying not now, if anyone's worth it, you are", and that he needs my friendship. He said it wasn't on me & to rest easy, and he'd call me in a day or two.

 

I wrote back and said I understood, take all the time you need, I'd like to see you when you're ready.

 

That was Wednesday, and I still haven't heard from him. I'm wondering if I've driven him off, or if "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" means he's just not ready for one... with me!!! Because I found another online dating profile that he's got up, and he's been active on it. It's a very detailed profile & it sounds like he's really looking for someone. It makes me think that he actually does want a relationship, just not with me.

 

This just sucks. All along he's told me that he's scared & wants to take things slowly. We haven't done anything more physical than passionate kissing, and I thought we were taking things slowly. In his email to me he said he felt like things were going too fast. I thought I hadn't put any pressure on him for more than he could give; I was happy just going out with him and spending time with him... although secretly I was feeling like he might be "The One", and maybe he picked up on that.

 

We've talked so much about everything, and I've told him repeatedly that even if we're not "meant to be" romantically, I still want his friendship. I really thought I made it clear that I wasn't expecting more from him. (Hoping, yes, but not expecting!)

 

I'd like to believe that he's pulling away because he's just scared. But I remember the line in "He's Just Not That Into You", where the author says whenever a guy says he's "scared", the only thing he's scared of is how much he's not into you. And that a guy who really digs a girl will throw caution to the wind & go for it b/c he doesn't want to lose her.

 

So... maybe he just doesn't have romantic feelings for me, and this is his way of telling me he just wants to be friends. Or maybe he's gone for good. I don't know. Have any of you ever run from a relationship with someone because you're scared of how much you care? And then realized they were the one for you & come back? (There's my fantasy, right there. Am I in denial?)

 

He's said a lot of things that made me think he felt something for me. The last time he was at my house, he told me how comfortable he is here, and how easy it would be for him to get into a serious relationship with me & move in, but he can't do that right now.

 

Eeesh.

 

For now I'm just trying to chill out & I'm giving him his space. I've looked up events in my area & mapped out some things to do with myself for the next few weeks. Tonight I'm going dancing with a friend. I'm also going to re-activate some of my online dating profiles & make an effort to meet other men. Not that I WANT to meet anyone else, but I need to take my focus off of him. When he says "Not yet" to a romantic relationship, I'm too focused on WHEN he'll be ready. I need to get it out of my head, because "Not now" means "NO" (and truthfully, maybe not ever!)

 

Thanks in advance for any feedback you might want to give me. I'm feeling a little shaky right now & I need some support!

 

 

[annie24]

He did answer this email... saying "After not hearing from you Sunday or Monday, I'm not sure what's going on, but I get the impression you think something's wrong?" (HUH?!?! In total, I sent him 6 emails!!!)

 

YIKES!!! Now he's just playing with your head.

 

I'm sorry, I really don't want to say this, I know it hurts, but I think you should reactivate your online profile and meet other men.

 

This guy sounds interested.... but not enough. Clearly, like you said, he wasn't REALLY REALLY tired if he went home to look at other online profiles. Think about it. If you are on a date with a guy you are crazy about, you wouldn't cut the date short to go surf link removed, would you?

 

Yeah, it sounds like he doesn't want a serious relationship with you. If you are looking for a relationship, I suggest you look elsewhere.

 

That's good - just keep busy for the next few weeks, hang out with your gfs, meet new guys. Don't contact this guy for a while. Maybe if you chill out (YIKES!!!! 6 e-mails!!!!) maybe he might come pursuing you if you "disappear" for a few weeks yourself.

 

Anyways, I think you deserve better than this lame treatment.

 

good luck

[patience]

It sounds like you want more than he does. He may be into 'casual' dating, while you are ready for more.

 

Are you compatible? Do have similar values and interests? Is he someone you want as a friend?

 

He lied to you when he said he was tired...how do you feel about this?

 

He is clearly playing the field. Do you want to be someone's rebound or back-up plan?

 

I agree, get back online, and meet other men. You deserve a man who is into you!

 

Good luck!!!

[RayKay]

It does sound like he is not rushing into exclusivity at this point, and is keeping his options open. That would be fine, if it's early into the dating, and you two were feeling each other out and deciding if you wanted it to go further....but what concerns me is that he lied to you about it, and then also pulled a disappearing act altogether for a while despite your emails.

 

I don' think he is pulling away out of "fear". If that was the case, he may pull away, but she sure would not be chasing other women online. And I agree that if a guy is truly into you, he does not pull away so much as to risk losing you.

 

I think "I am not ready for a serious relationship" is just that, he is telling you upfront that he does not want anything more. Try not to look for in between the lines, or excuses for it, he really is just telling you he cannot be committed to you. If you do pursue it, don't be surprised if in a few months he reminds you he never wanted something "serious". All those things about "how easy it would be to get involved and move in (huh!?!?!) are just ways to keep you around still though..and they are working! I would suggest you try and stop thinking of him as "the One" because that's a pretty recoprocal deal, and I am not sure he is feeling the same way.

 

I don't know, it sounds to me like there is way too many inconsistencies and "pulling away" in this relationship to make it worth it. When someone is always pushing or pulling, it's a pretty good indicator there is a lack of balance, and what it takes to make a true, stable relationship.

 

I suggest you start opening up your avenues and dating again. If he does not want a commitment, and has told you so, that to me suggests you should not be commiting so much to HIM either. It sounds like in some ways you are undervaluing yourself, and you should know that anyone whom deserves you, can see your worth right away.

[Msnak]

Smitten, your words mirrored mine three months ago. I was tired of the actions not matching the words, so I decided to just let go. I had told him everything I wanted to say, and I decided to see if his actions (fighting for me) would match his words (sure, let's be together).

 

Days turned into weeks into months and I never heard from him again. It baffled me more than it hurt, because he seemed like an honest guy. But truthful men have spines and don't mind speaking their heart about something.

 

Sometimes when a girl is nice, a guy doesn't have it in him to dis her, let her go verbally, so they disappear. That is a sign that the guy didn't really want a relationship with you after all. Because it only takes a minute to call, email, visit or text, and let someone know you care.

 

Secretly, I thought my spineless guy was "the one" and part of me wants him to recognize we're good together. But the inconsistencies on his part wrecked my level of inner peace.

 

Over the past few months I have my peace back. I miss the idiot but it's his loss!

 

Yes, I hate to say it, but do find someone who will see your value and not say things they don't mean. God will bring you the person you are meant to be with.

 

(Side note: My friend tells me that this may mean it could be someone you've met, who simply has to change first.)

[smittenkitten]

Oooh, the more I think about this the more irritated I get!!!

 

In his email to me he said he thought I wanted a more serious, committed relationship. Now THAT just makes me mad!!! We've talked about the situation several times, and I have told him that I'm OK with whatever form our relationship takes, whether we're just friends or more than that. We have talked about sex, and agreed that it should happen when/if we decided to be in a committed relationship... my feeling is that it's OK to date other people until you reach the point where you know you want to be exclusive with someone, and then it's appropriate to become sexual. I have told him he should date other people, because he needs to be sure he's making the right choice before he settles down. And I'm not being hypocritical; no, I wouldn't necessarily like it, but I wouldn't want him to be with me & have any doubts about it.

 

What makes me mad is that he insisted he's not looking for anyone else!!! AND that he doesn't think there's anyone better than me out there!

 

So much for Mr. "Honest & open communication is essential... I want to build a healthy relationship slowly, on a foundation of trust."

 

I haven't pushed him one bit. I never initiate calls to him (although I do return his calls)... I never ask him for more than what he's giving... I'm always happy with whatever we're doing & I let him know it (ie, I don't get sulky because he's not "committing"!) I have told him that I'm fine with just dating him for now & taking it slowly. I haven't asked for anything more from him, verbally or nonverbally!!! And yes, I have been very happy with the time we've spent together. I haven't felt that anything was lacking.

 

I'm not at all impressed that he lied to me about being "so very tired" last weekend. I would have preferred that he simply tell me he wasn't up for company, or this wasn't working for him. I think that was pretty slimy. Especially since he's always stressed how important honesty is to him!!!

 

I also don't know what to make of the "I haven't heard from you" comment. THAT is just insane!!! I know that six emails sounds excessive, but they weren't bad. The first 4 were just one-liners; a link to an urban legend, a picture of a project I was working on, a request for pics of some of his work. I didn't send anything emotional, needy, or clingy. Even the 5th email I sent that night, after I'd seen him online... I didn't say what it was about, just that I needed to talk to him & I was feeling stupid. For all he knew, I could've just had a fight with my ex-husband or a friend. I expected that he would respond & want to know what was wrong.

 

It was just the sixth email, the next night, where I basically said "OK fine, 'bye", that was a little insane.

 

Which he also ignored.

 

I'm mad. I think he's projecting the commitment thing onto me in order to have an excuse to bail out. I have not ONCE said "I need a commitment". I HAVE said "It's OK, I understand, no problem. As long as we're at least friends, I'm happy."

 

And I believed that we would be friends no matter what. We have had a great time together, and yes, we are incredibly compatible. I have never met anyone else who comes close to how connected we were. We talked about everything... god, religion, politics, sex, relationships, family, the environment, music, architecture, dreams, goals, values, etc. I thought I'd found someone with whom I was completely compatible mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I thought it was all there, and I really enjoyed being with him.

 

Yep. I'm not impressed with this new development. Not at all.

 

I really appreciate all of your input. I feel like I'm getting clearer about this situation. The first few days of "no contact" were excruciating (I'm used to him calling every day)... then I started re-reading all my relationship books. I decided he was in his "cave" or rubber-banding (John Gray- Mars/Venus), and that it was really a sign of how strong his feelings for me were.

 

Ha ha ha. Nope, I don't think so. Not now that I've taken a step back and looked at all the evidence (plus read your feedback!) This is not how a man in love acts.

 

I didn't end up going out with my friend tonight because of the weather. Bummer. I really want to NOT be home on weekends b/c he might drive by my house. (Last Friday he called me a couple of times & I didn't pick up until about 10pm... I told him he could come over & he said he was already halfway here b/c he wanted to see if I was home & just avoiding him! God, I thought it was sweet at the time, but now I think that's a little weird... I used to do that sort of thing to guys when I was younger & obsessed with them. But I grew out of it!)

 

OK, sorry for the monster posts. I haven't told my friends or family about this because I feel stupid. I was soooo excited before & I told everyone what a great guy I'd finally met... I'm just not ready to admit that I was wrong about him. So y'all are getting a week's worth of pent-up thoughts and emotions.

 

I appreciate everyone who's taking the time to read this & respond!

 

 

[annie24]

Hi - I know where you're coming from. My bf last year broke up with me, saying he didn't want anything serious, when I had NEVER asked him for more than just hanging out. That was annoying.

 

In hindsight, it's OK to ask for what you want. In fact, I've read stuff by an author that even indicates it may spark his interest. Saying early on to a guy, "You know, I'm looking for a serious relationship, so if you're just looking for something casual, I'm not the girl for you." I've said something similar recently and it's gotten me good results That way, you're sending the message that you're a busy woman, and you're not going to just mess around with and waste your time on any old guy. You have standards

 

I think that although you've let him pursue you, you haven't said enough of what YOU want. It's ok to want something more than a casual relationship. and it's ok to say it.

 

Dr. John Gray (of Venus and Mars) makes a good point. A lot of women fall for a man because of what they think he may offer to them in the future, as opposed to falling for him for what he is offering you NOW.

 

Is he making you happy, or is this relationship causing more stress than it is alieving? Because a relationship should make you happier, not more stressed out.

[smittenkitten]

Hey Annie,

 

Well, he was making me happy. I felt very energized & peaceful when I was with him. We talked about so many things, and I rediscovered many parts of myself that I'd forgotten or thought were lost forever. I just felt very positive in general & very content.

 

Thankfully, those feelings are still there. I'm sad but not destroyed. There was a time when I would have turned myself inside out to try to get him to love me, but I've learned to stop doing that. I've been able to "hook" men in the past & get them into a relationship with me, but it never worked out & it always turned out awful. It took a long time for me to learn to stop chasing men & trying to earn their love.

 

I wasn't even looking for a serious relationship when I met him. I had a couple of online profiles up & I'd gone on a few dates, but nothing serious. Then when I met him, I was like, "WOW!!! Holy cow, this might be The One!!!"

 

Geesh. Everything was fine a week ago. I'd be bopping along in my car, singing at the top of my lungs, thinking of how happy he made me. Completely unaware that I was about to go dancing off a cliff!!!

 

 

[Msnak]

Dancing off a cliff...wow, what an image to behold. I fell off that cliff a few times in 2005, and that was after thinking I was too smart, too aware to not see the edge.

 

Months ago Annie offered me great advice to help me in a similar situation. She's right about saying what you want in a relationship. That way, if you walk away, you have no regrets.

 

Also, she's right about making sure this guy brings you happiness and not stress.

 

Can you sit down and consider what he brings to your life? Do you think he's worth another try? Can you really be patient to give him time to come around? Do you think he's worth the time and effort?

 

These are questions to ask yourself. They'll give you answers.

 

You already seem to have a good start with relationships, discussing the "big issues" and taking things slow. These two things alone save time and keep you from getting even more hurt in the end.

 

I will say, some guys are terrified by ANY connection a woman offers. Friendship might have even scared this guy. Who knows. But I gotta say, he's sounding like an infant who is good at being polite or politically correct.

 

I understand what you mean about telling EVERYONE in your life how you met a great guy and then...he proves you wrong. So sorry!

 

It's very hard to admit, because even though it's the GUY's fault, it always gets projected on us, as the person who's at fault or bad in relationships.

 

Vent away. Don't worry, we're here to listen.

[smittenkitten]

he's sounding like an infant who is good at being polite or politically correct.

 

This made me laugh... it's mean, but funny!

 

I'm having a tough time. Now I've crossed into "What if he didn't get my last message so he thinks I'm mad at him?" territory. Because his comment to me ("After not hearing from you Sunday or Monday") makes NO sense. Why would he tell such a bald-faced lie? He's not that kind of guy. Even if he was, how could someone say "I haven't heard from you" after getting 6 emails? That's just craziness!!!

 

So now my brain is whispering "Maybe he didn't get those messages... maybe he didn't get your 'it's OK' response... maybe you should just give him a quick call to see..."

 

Which totally sucks. If he did get my messages last week & lied about it, that's just totally cruel on his part. I want to give him space, and thinking like that makes me just want to call him.

 

I just don't know why he would lie about it!!! Up until now, he has been very honest and open with me.

 

I don't get it.

[patience]

Why are you using email? Why not just pick up the phone and call him if you want to talk with him?

 

It sounds like you're obsessing, and that's not good for you. If you really want to talk with him, wait a few days, then give him a call. Sounds like you need a little space away from his inconsistent behavior.

 

If he is not ready though, there is nothing you can do to change that. Personally I think there have been too many red flags for you to risk getting hurt again, but the decision of course is yours to make.

[smittenkitten]

I hate calling guys unless I know they want to hear from me... I used to be a guy-chaser & I'd call & call & call someone I liked- it took me forever to break the habit! I don't want to fall back into that old behavior. My feeling is that if a guy wants to talk to me, he'll call me.

 

Other than the emails I sent last weekend (which he must have gotten, but maybe he didn't?), I've only sent him one response to his email this week (on Wednesday... again, did he get it?). He needs space, I'm giving him space.

 

But yes, I want to call him. Maybe he didn't get my email.

 

 

[smittenkitten]

Nope, no, I can't call him. That would just make me look like I'm chasing him. He already knows what the deal is. I have to chill out.

 

Why is this so hard?

[patience]

when you email him, you are 'chasing' him...anytime you initiate contact, you are 'chasing' and showing your interest

 

it's hard because he sent mixed messages...you're feeling uncertain and confused because his behavior has been weird...I think at this point, your reaction is pretty normal...but don't let yourself get obsesses, y'know, because that is not healthy for you

 

there are people out there who really are not ready for a serious relationship...but that doesn't seem to stop them from dating, kissing, having sex, etc...it is up to you to set standards, figure out what you will and will not put up with

 

when people pull away, we naturally feel somewhat insecure and wonder what the heck is going on...it's his stuff though, his issues, his lies, whatever...this guy could be dating someone else for all you know

 

when was the last time he called you?

[Belle]

I hate calling guys unless I know they want to hear from me... I used to be a guy-chaser & I'd call & call & call someone I liked- it took me forever to break the habit! I don't want to fall back into that old behavior. My feeling is that if a guy wants to talk to me, he'll call me.

 

 

Hi Smitten,

Sorry to hear that this guy has become feckless and sounds like he's lying. He's lying to avoid conflict and to spare your feelings, but it would be much easier if he'd stop trying to string you along. That's exactly what he's doing though. He wants to see what his options are because his interest level is not high enough. There's a good side and a bad side though in your situation, that is that he was responsible enough to not sleep with you until he knew he was interested enough in a commitment. He can't be that bad.

 

That being said, from the word go I got the distinct impression that you have been pushing him for something more. Think of the push/pull dynamics. You used to be a man chaser but are trying hard not to be that girl because you know that most of the time this does not work. You are getting there, but I don't think you're fully there. I do believe in a sense you pushed a little too hard in subtle ways. Showing a higher interest level than he has is pushing. This is dangerous in the early stages of a relationship, and mirroring is the better part of valor.

 

I would use this disappointment as an opportunity to learn to withhold a little. Do not give all of your emotion into something when it's so uncertain. He may have lied on smaller points, but he has been upfront on the big points and you ignored them hoping to negotiate with reality.

 

I would write this one off. It is always possible that later down the road he'll realize what a great catch you are and come back, I've seen it happen before. But most of the time it doesn't and I wouldn't let him string you along any further. Move on and try not to obsess. I know it's hard but it's unhealthy to want someone that doesn't want you.

[Msnak]

You've made a good point about wondering if he truly didn't get the email.

 

For example, my email address looks like spam, so unless you're paying real close attention, you might delete it.

 

Try calling him, see how he "behaves" and if he doesn't answer, leave a message, but mostly just say hi.

 

Some men are really not mature, so that's my new name for certain guys, "infants!"

[annie24]

I honestly agree with Belle. I also think it's good that he hasn't gotten physical with you, probably because he's still checking out his other options.

 

However, let's say that he didn't get your e-mails. But, if a guy were really into you, don't you think it would have occurred to him the past few days to give you a call, to ask you out, to see how you're doing?

 

That's why I think you should stop contacting him and see if he calls you or writes you back now.

[smittenkitten]

Thanks so much you guys! I'm backsliding a little bit, I think partly because I'm snowed in & just feeling soooo sorry for myself. I had to shovel out the barn this morning & it sucked because a week ago I could have just called & asked him to come help me. And I had to climb into my Jeep through the back because my front doors were frozen shut. Part of me thinks that if he cares, he'll call to see if I'm OK, because he knows I'm a single mom & it's hard to do all this stuff by myself. And that if he doesn't call, he's showing that he doesn't care about me or my kids.

 

I hate winter. But I've always made it through on my own, and I can do it this year, too.

 

You all have such good insight. The problem is, since I've known him, he's been consistently honest, which is why I don't get the lying thing. Maybe he's not lying. I know I've gotten emails from him in the past that wound up in my bulk folder, so I look through everything before I delete it now.

 

Part of me thinks that if he didn't get my "It's OK" response, he'll think I didn't respond because I'm mad at him. He's pretty insecure, too, and scared of being hurt again.

 

But if I call him, it will just be affirming his opinion that I want him more than he wants me. (In a sense, he'll "win", because I made the first move & proved that he's right.) You made some great points, Belle. Yes, I've probably been "pushing" him in subtle ways. I have a very strong personality, and it's so hard for me to be low-key. My energy can be kind of intense, so even though I have good intentions, it probably shows.

 

I like what you said about "mirroring". It's so important to follow a guy's lead, and that's what I'm trying to do. It is SO hard though!!! I'm the kind of girl who will grab a guy, drag him onto the dance floor, & step on his toes while I'm trying to dip him! (OK, not literally, but that's my energy!) "Demure" and "subtle" are extremely difficult for me to pull off!

 

I guess I'll just keep lying low. Even if he thinks I'm mad at him, even if he thinks I don't want to talk to him, that's better than continuing the current dynamic. Something has to shift. I'd rather have him be scared 'cuz he thinks I'm gone than be scared 'cuz he thinks I'm after him!

 

Patience, the last time he called me was last Saturday, right before we went out. When he emailed me on Wednesday he said "I'll call you in a day or two, 'K?"

 

Oh well. The good news is, my link removed profile just got approved. At least I'm taking some steps in the right direction!

 

Thanks for being here for me.

[patience]

The right man for you will like your intensity. He'll think it's cool that you're not too shy or too demure! You are who you are, don't try to change yourself for some guy, especially not a guy who isn't even really into being with you.

 

Someone who doesn't call for a week isn't that into you, sorry.

 

Good luck with your search!

[smittenkitten]

Thanks Patience! Yep, he's probably not that into me. It's possible he's just "scared", but like other people have pointed out, if that was the case he wouldn't have an active profile on a dating site.

 

Oh well.

[Belle]

Smitten,

We've all been there. There's always been at the very least one person who just didn't get our value. It's truly his loss. You sound like a great gal. Just remember that the right one will get it.

[Mjane]

(HUH?!?! In total, I sent him 6 emails!!!)

Don't ever do this again. You need to maintain some dignity. If you send one or two emails and he doesn't respond. Do not keep send them. I can't tell you how desperate that makes you look. And somewhat psycho like you said. Even if you aren't that way, appearances are another thing.

he wasn't ready for a serious relationship & he feels like I want a more committed relationship than he can give me. I'm wondering if I've driven him off, or if "I'm not ready for a serious relationship" means he's just not ready for one... with me!!!

Two things here. One -- when a guy tells you he isn't ready for a relationship and that's what you want -- LISTEN TO HIM. When guys say stuff like that they mean it.

Two -- I don't think you drove him away and none of this is your fault. He wasn't into the relationship or you and you were able to pick up on it and force him to tell you (I would have done it with fewer emails).

Be glad you know this now rather than months down the road when your heart could really be broken.

[smittenkitten]

The first 4 emails weren't about "us" at all... just one-line things w/links to sites, a comment on something we were working on, stuff like that. I only email him once a week or so, with jokes & stuff. The 5th was the "hey can we talk", which he didn't respond to. 24 hours later I sent the 6th, which was the "sorry I bothered you, have a nice life" (OK, THAT was moving into psycho territory!)

 

Anyway, I wasn't persistently sending emails he wasn't responding to... just a "batch" that first night, like I'd send to anyone. I just wanted to make it clear that I wasn't hunting him down or being psycho... not on the first 4 anyway!

 

But no, I'm not sending any more emails. Not even jokes. He can get his laughs elsewhere!

[annie24]

6 e-mails is 6 e-mails, even if they were jokes or forwards. I also, would send 1, maybe 2, then the ball's in his court to reply.

 

It's probably better to wait until the relationship is established before you start sending tons of e-mails and you're hearing from him everyday, so this issue doesn't freak you out (like it's doing now.)

 

What would The Rules say about sending 6 e-mails to a man, hmmm?

[smittenkitten]

What would The Rules say about sending 6 e-mails to a man, hmmm?

 

I know. I don't follow everything TR says. As you know, I've used them to learn how to not chase men & not go where I'm not wanted (at least, that's what I'm trying to do). But I'm too innocent, too ready to believe that if I have an impulse to do something, I should do it. I wasn't even thinking "should I send this" at first, because I didn't think anything was wrong. I guess I should have just shut down and not sent the last 2 when I realized there was a problem.

 

We were on a basis of daily communication. He'd call me at least once a day. We'd had a great time together that day & everything seemed normal... up until he sent me home early.

 

It's OK though. I've pulled back. I haven't sent him anything else & I haven't called him at all since we saw each other last Saturday.

 

I'm feeling miserable again. I thought he was my friend no matter what, and I trusted him.