So confused

[The door mat]

Hello all,

I was with this guy for 5 years. we were engaged to be married and everything was great. We got together when he was 17 and i was 16. Well he broke up with me im going to say "to explore his options". We said that we would stay friends and i thought it was too hard for me to do that so i did the NC thing and it worked for a while but there would be those times that we saw eachother out and would say hello to be nice. Well Its been about a year now since we broke up and we just recently started talking alot more. I usually wait for him to call me so i dont look like the one that needs to talk to him, But I think he is just using me as his door mat... He calls me almost everyday, but when he asks me to hang out I think im just the last resort. I think he calls and trys to find people to hang out with and then when he has nothing to do then he calls me because he knows ill always be there. We have started sleeping together but I think he may be sleeping with someone else also. I dont know what to do because i love spending time with him and i take every chance i can get with him but i also dont want him to know that ill be there to jump when he says so. I would love for us to get back together, but i need to find a way to let him know that i am way more important then his flings hes having. I think that im not helping myself with this because hes got it all. Im there when he needs me and he still can lead the single life and do what he wants to do. What do i need to do to make him relize that he only wants to be with me and make things work?

Please help!!

 

[LiquidCherry]

When my boyfriend broke up with me he wanted to continue a sexual relationship as well. My exact words to him were, "I will not sleep with someone who does not care enough about me to actually want to be with me. Six weeks later he asked me to take him back. If I had gone about things the way he wanted, hanging out as friends, and having casual sex I would have been left with nothing while he got exactly what he wanted. He never would have had the oppertunity to explore the idea or getting back together. If you ever want him to believe that you are way more important than a fling you need to stop allowing yourself to be one. This can only result in two things: Either he'll see the light and realize he doens't want to lose you or you'll realize that someone who doesn't value your love doesn't deserve to have your heart. No matter what happens you'll be able to stand tall knowing you didn't settle for less than what you wanted.

[Blue Skittles]

Girl, just stop being there for him. Stop sleeping with him - and when he calls say you are busy. See how he reacts. Maybe he will come back, maybe he won't. I think its better off for you you need to move on and start seeing other people and get on with your life... don't let him do this to you it will just break your heart even more

[RayKay]

Stop sleeping with him for one thing. ESPECIALLY if you don't even know if you are the only one he is....why are you risking your own emotional and physical health and well being? You have no idea what he could be bringing home to you in terms of STI's in that case, and not all of them are preventable with condoms either.

 

but i need to find a way to let him know that i am way more important then his flings hes having.

 

You do that by respecting yourself and knowing you deserve better then his scraps that he throws your way. You settle for the scraps, you lose respect for yourself, he loses respect for you, but you stay because you start to think you don't deserve better. Which is not true. But you need to respect yourself.

 

 

I think that im not helping myself with this because hes got it all. Im there when he needs me and he still can lead the single life and do what he wants to do. What do i need to do to make him relize that he only wants to be with me and make things work?

 

You can't "make him" realize anything, except for the fact that you either will, or won't, allow him to use you. I hate to break it to you honey, but if he does not realize it now that he only wants to be with you, I have to say that the chances he will suddenly change his mind are near nil. Feelings are not forced. When someone is right, they're right.

 

You should not be with someone whom you have to "make realize" your worth. Your worth is already there, and someone whom does not realize that and loves you on your own volition is not worth your time, your body, your mind....

 

 

 

Being a door mat is a CHOICE....so make a choice to be your own living, breathing person whom deserves better then this.

[The door mat]

Question:

 

Do you think it is ok to still go hang out with him when he calls and invites me over, but to leave at night instead of spending the night and having sex?

[LiquidCherry]

Question:

 

Do you think it is ok to still go hang out with him when he calls and invites me over, but to leave at night instead of spending the night and having sex?

 

It's not a matter of it being okay or not, it depends on if you are okay with it or not. Are you? Can you hang out with him as a friend, leave without a kiss goodbye and not cry once you're alone again? I know I couldn't.

 

I find it impossible to be friends with someone I care about romantically because bottom line is, I don't want to be friends with them; I want more.

 

While my boyfriend and I were broken up I hung out with him 2 or 3 times I think before I couldn't take it anymore. If you really want to be friends with him that will have to wait until you've healed.

 

I have to point out that you've already been broken up for a year and when you started having contact with him again he didn't persue a relationship.

[karen95]

its ok to hang out with him if you are strong enought for this and def able to refuse to sleep with him. but i also think that you should be busy some nights that he wants you over and have a life of your own. And maybe going on a date with someone and letting him find out could help too. i know this is like playing games, but it just might make him realize that you are not there for him everytime he picks up the phone. he MAY appreciate you more and feel as though he is losing you. And i really think you should stop sleeping with him.