Advice

[Copperhead]

I'm kind of seeing a guy I work with, by this I mean we both see other people. We started going out in October and at this time I told him that although I wasn't looking for the full committment of a relationship, I would like to hang out with just one guy and have some kind of relationship. It makes sense to me anyway!!! He said he couldn't stay faithful as he wasn't looking for committment either. I was a little annoyed, but thought about it and decided that I could play that to my advantage as well, and meet other people and hang out, not sleep together, just hang out with different guys. So since then, we go out about every week, and I date other men as well. Last time we went out he started asking me what I liked about him. I told him that there was something about him that fascinated me, but couldn't put my finger on it, which is the truth. I do like him, a lot, but the whole, 'I can't stay faithful' thing puts me off being too affectionate with him and stuff. So he replied that he thought I only liked him because I couldn't have him and I wanted commitment (must think he's Freud or something) which I disagreed with, because I've had chances to have a proper boyf in the time we've been going out, but declined the offers, as I enjoy the freedom I have dating him and other people. The trouble is I DO actually really like him, but I'm not sure how to tell him or if I should even tell him. He says he really likes me and enjoys my company a lot, so I'm a bit confused. Plus, do I really want to spoil what we have already, even though it isn't a lot? Any advice would be welcome!!!

[annie24]

What do YOU want?

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

'I can't stay faithful'...

 

I am confused by this...apparently this really bothers you so I am a little confused as to why you are still in the likes with him. I know you like him and there is something about him that facinates you but you are blurring your boundries with this man. You are really setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

 

Plus it appears that you two have different views on dating. You see dating as going out with different men, being affectionate and the like. He sees dating as something very different, he apparently has sexual relationships with the women he dates. Again...you are setting yourself up for a lot of pain and hurt. You guys have uneven dating criteria.

 

I commend this man for being honest with you but this is going to eat away at you. So maybe it's best you don't date him anymore. Because I see you getting very hurt by continuing a relationship with him.

[Copperhead]

To be perfectly honest, I like the no-strings attached approach right at the moment, but obviously at some point it will change, and I'm sure he won't change as I will. I discovered that basically he has a friend he sees every so often, who hangs out in a group of friends, and in his words, sometimes things happen, sometimes they don't. At first it bothered me, but then I decided to play it to my advantage and date other people as well, and he doesn't seem phased. And now I don't feel anything when I think about it, which is strange for me as I usually get quite jealous even thinking of a guy flirting! It's almost like he's just filling in a gap until I do meet someone worthwhile, but I do like him as well. It's weird, I've never had anything like this before. Think it's just as well to let him do all the chasing and decide if it's what I want at that time.

[annie24]

So, you like him, but you don't think he's worthwile. Well, I guess if you are having fun in the meantime, and recognize that this relationship will only be casual, then stay. But, it doesn't sound like this man will ever want to be faithful to you. So, if you want something serious, you're going to have to meet a new man.

 

On another note, depending on your work enviornment, dating a man you work with may not be the best idea. If things go sour (which they very well could in this situation), you are stuck working with them. Pretty bad, IMO.

[kellbell]

I mean no disrespect but it seems there is some game playing going on here. If you feel that your feelings will change into something more and you don't trust him...then I would not date him anymore and like Annie pointed out...dating people from the workplace can get very awkward and messy. Best to leave this dude alone.

[Copperhead]

No one knows about us at work and after we first had a chat about faithfulness and he told me what he did, I did feel a bit upset, but thought, what's the point of getting upset, life's too short, so don't think it would be a problem luckily. He is the kind of guy I could imagine settling down with, but he made it clear that he didn't want that type of commitment when we started dating. So thereforeeee, I don't know whether to embarrass myself asking him again if things have changed now that we've got to know each other better. the way I see it is, if he didn't like me then he wouldn't keep asking me out. He says he loves my company and feels an attachment to me in a way he can't really explain and that he can talk about things with me he doesn't with anyone else. And it's always him that's asking what I feel about him and why. That's what is so confusing.

[annie24]

Well, then, yeah, just ask him straight out. "Have you changed your mind about fidelity, or are we just still bed buddies?" What he says in response will guide you.

 

Very rarely have I seen people go from bed buddies to a serious relationship.

 

Of course he's still calling you! You're NSA fun. That doesn't mean he sees you a serious gf or wife.

 

Talk to him, ask him what he wants.

 

good luck

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Hi,

 

Its not good that he said i cant be faithful to you.. But didnt you say you dont want commitement !! I think he meant that since you two are not having a serious relationship with eachother, then he wont be faithful to you.. = he can date anyone else or do whatever he wants.. Because since you are not together seriously and just hanging out together, then you are only friends..

 

Maybe if you told him that you like him and you want something seriously with him, he would be loyal to you..

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

yeah, and about you dating alot of men. and just want to hang out with men.. then dont blame him to not stick with you.. Just hanging alot with men could hurt you.. Know what you want.. If you want to just hang out.. then hang out with friends.. If you like a man, have a serious relationship with him.. you cant just ask him to be faithful to you and you just want to hang out with him.