i told him, now our frienship is gone!!!!

[steff]

Hey guys.

 

As you know, I used to like my best friend james… and the other day I told him that, I wanted to find out if he liked me, and I wanted him to know how I had felt about him.

 

Well to cut a long story short, I told him, and he told me he didn't like me, yet said that our friendship wont change, although I think it has. He doesn't talk to me, he has been dropping my belongings back at my place when he knew that I wouldn't be home, he has totally gone non communication style.

 

So what im asking is this: should I just drop the whole friendship if he is being immature about it? Or is he doing this for my benefit? Should I give it time and wait for him to come round????

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

steffany

[rpSmile]

hey steff, I understand you. Iam in the same position. He doesnt talk to me, he doesnt accept my gift, he doesnt respond to my email. I feel he thinks I want to come closer to him, but thats wrong - I decided to give him the gift because I knew he has been wanting it so bad!! I just ignore him and wait for him to talk to ME.... Just ignore and dont run after him. ( I know its difficult..).. Ull soon find out if he is worth the friendship or not!! rpsmile. ps. hope I was somewhat of help!!

[darkblue]

Hi Steff,

You could always try talking this out. Telling him that you just wanted to know where you stood - but you are happy to continue the friendship.

 

If he says one thing and does another - there's not much you can do.

Try and talk to him first. If that doesn't work - it's time to move on, sorry.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

Hi,

 

I dont want you to get hurt.. Best thing is just forget about him.. If he comes and talk to you, be normal and talk.. If he didnt come then just forget about him.. Dont make it harder on yourself and try to think why did he do this......... Just dont think about him.. Dont worry about something you cant change !!

[rpSmile]

@AlwaysNeedHelp: Exactly!! Thats what I wanted to say in my previous post!!

 

@ Steff: I do understand, It wont be easy... but why wasting time on such a guy?? Iam sure he def doesnt think as much about you as you do ....!!

[annie24]

I think he may feel awkward about the conversation you two had. He clearly (unfortunately) doesn't like you as more than a friend, and I think that he may be trying to avoid contact for a few reasons. 1) He doesn't want to give you false hope. 2) He doesn't know how to act or what to say around you now.

 

I think you should spend a few weeks apart. Try to get over him during this time. I also think that the "awkwardness" of the situation will dissapate in a few weeks.

 

When you are ready, tell him that you are getting over him (or are over him) and just want to go back to being "just friends."

 

I've been in a similar situation, and taking a few weeks was really good. We saved our friendship and are still friends today. (And I'm totally over him!!!!)

 

good luck

[ariyadhana]

Hey,

 

I'm in a very similar situation to you. I've been deeply in love with my best friend for the entire two years that I've known him, and it caused me to be very insecure about our relationship, and jealous of his other relationships with girls; which inevitably created a huge rift between us. Over the holidays he moved to another city 1000 miles away, and I thought the new year could serve as a fresh start for us, but we both agreed we needed some time to get over the past, so we decided not to contact each other for a month. Anyways, this was on the weekend, and in the pain that surfaced in dealing with the fact that I had likely destroyed my closest friendship, and that he could probably never trust me again because of how I react to things, I ended up telling him my feelings for him last night. I think I just finished off our friendship, and it hurts like hell I feel in many ways it is just as bad as, or worse, than a break up. I just never thought I would lose him and now he's gone.

 

So I feel your pain, and I think you were brave for telling him the truth. It was the right thing to do. I wouldn't say forget about him, as I hate the thought of someone else writing off a close friendship like it looks like I am going to have to do, but maybe you just should stay away from him for awhile and deal with your feelings? Good luck.

[steff]

hey, thank you all for your input. the thing is, when i told him i used to like him, i didnt like him at that time. if that makes sense. i just wanted him to know, because it was killing me inside, it took three years to build the courage to tell him.

 

i dont want to lose the friendship with him, but he makes it so hard to keep a friendship, he never talks to me, he says his always busy... i mean okay he works on a casual basis and a hardware store doing check outs, he doesnt have a girlfriend or any other commiments, so i just dont understand how he can "so busy" all the time. or is this his way of saying "i dont want to see you"

 

ok... just so its clear. i dont like him anymore!!!! ive gotten over that and convinced myself that he is to much like my father, and is always to busy and would never have time for a relationship blah blah blah so i got over it.

 

but i just think that its so stupid, like even with my other best friend 'travis' i am the one always putting in the effot to organise things, im the one that goes down to their work to bring them water and something to eat, im the one that has to start the e-mails or converstations, and ive just had enough of it. i feel like its such a one sided friendship, and im hoping that when i start work on monday and start going to tafe during the year, that i will develop new friends... but im so scareed that people wont like me! im very self consiouse and shy around new people. but hopefully i will get *new* friends that actaully have time for to do things.

 

but once again thank you so much for your support, it really means alot to me

 

steffany.

[ariyadhana]

That's exactly how it was with my best friend, I was the one initiating about 85% of the contact/plans. But now I realize that wasn't fair, and he should have made an effort to make more of an equal contribution. I know he cared about me, but part of me thinks he didn't make the effort because he knew he could get away with it, and that I would just keep doing everything and chasing after him. I think you just have to have the confidence to put your foot down, and say enough is enough. Don't let people take you for granted.

 

I'm shy too but just be yourself and don't worry about whether people will like you or not. There are friends out there for most every type of person, just have confidence in yourself and give yourself time to open up and allow new people to get to know you. It can take time to form new bonds, but it will happen.

[steff]

just an update, it has been nearly a week since i told him. and i have not heard a singal word from him. i personally believe that he is being immature, and that if he was really a man, he would have gotten over the fact that someone liked him....

 

is it me, or is he just being immature... is there anything i can do to fix it, or just give up?

[marisa007]

I had the same thing happen to me…2 weeks ago I told a guy friend about my feeling for him…and he just wanted to be friends…I haven't heard from him since. Don't waste your time… moved on. He's immature …if he was a real man…he would have called you…to make sure everything was ok with you two.

[annie24]

Yeah, I agree. He sounds really immature. It's not a HUGE deal at all, to tell someone you used to have a crush on them.... if he were more mature, he probably would have laughed a little, maybe made a joke about it, and then just let it go.

 

Ug. It's frustrating, but what can you do?

[steff]

right its over, i tried to be nice to him the other day, and send him a message saying "well done on getting a first round offer for uni" and he was like like "how do u know about that" and all * * * *ty with me, and then didnt talk to me... but later on said he would call me tomorrow and we could chat. well he didnt call. i sent him an email apolaigise for if i ruin the surprise for him, and that i didnt mean to offend him. and i havent heard anything. are guys at the age of eighteen normally this immature? or is it just him?

[darkblue]

Some are, some aren't.

Try to find one who isn't that immature.

[steff]

okay, so i know that i dont like him anymore, and dont want to be with him as a boyfriend. but how do i stop thinking about him, even things like "why wont he even be friends with me???" silly little things like that.

 

i mean i feel so insulted about what happened, he doesnt want to talk to me because i told him i liked him, am i that horrible, is it that traumatic to have me like him??? why is it such a big deal to him, why cant he just get over it, and be friends again..... its not like i bashed him or something, its not like i did something bad, it wasnt my fault that i liked him... but why cant he talk to me???

 

sorry, im just venting... i dont care that we are not going out, because ive gotten over that... and if i try to contact him by saying well done for getting into his uni course.... he just gets angry with me or something....

 

i feel so unwanted, unneeded, and like a freak. is it that bad to be liked by me????

[mroscoe]

I had a similar problem with a friend of mine, couple of months ago. After I told her how I felt about her, she stopped calling. Before she would call at least a couple times. When I called she was pretty rude. But after two months we talked about the issue again and we decided we would be friends.

 

I can say that you should give him at least about a month, so he will see how life is without you. And in this time, you can sort things out for yourself, and get over him. (It seems to me that you are still thinking about him.) If he does not come back, it his loss.

 

Good luck