In New Relationship But Thoughts Of Ex

[capricorn85]

Hello all! About a week ago I started a relationship with a wonderful guy. He is the first guy since my break up four months ago that I actually connect with and can see myself with for a while. The problem is that tonight I had the urge to call my ex (he dumped me in sept 2005). I feel guilty for wanting to call and kind of upset. I know I will not call, but I don't know where these thoughts are coming from all of a sudden. The last time I spoke to him was December 28 and I told him to not speak to me again. How do I prevent these thoughts?? I really care about my new boyfriend

[LostInMyThoughts]

It seems natural.

 

I'd be willing to guess that you are feeling good about your new relationship and you want to share the good news with someone, and you're instincts are to share wtih your ex-bf.

 

Or if could be taht you wanted to find out what he was up to, so you could potentially rub his nose in it.

 

Feelings and thoughts about ex's aren't going to go away over night.

 

Don't worry about preventing the thoughts, just don't act on them, and understand that in time they well go away.

[kellbell]

Hi there Cap!

 

Good to see you again. It could be that you are not ready to date yet and be with someone else. You may be still grieving the whole break-up with your ex. I mean you went through a really rough time after he broke up with you so it appears maybe you have not had enough time and peace and quiet to move on. Maybe take things really slow with your new boyfriend and see what happens. I really hope everything works out for you.

[blueangel]

You control those thoughts by not following through with them. Urges will come and go for a while but the more you get to know this new guy, your ex better watch out because he'll be OUTTA THERE! (your mind, I mean.)

 

Bonds are a hard thing to shake off, nearly impossible when you share so many memories. The way people understand you differ from person to person. You may be missing something about your ex but I can assure you that there will be something new to you you'll find in this new relationship. It'll be refreshing as well as revealing. So be open to what this one has to offer.

[7tInNC]

Good that you realized that it might not be best to call up your ex and share all about your new bf this soon after breaking up. Since he broke up with you, understandable response as noted b4. Maybe LONG after you both are in stable relationships you can see if a friendship can be maintained.

 

Agree with Blueangel, shared experiences are a bond with your ex that can be the basis for a friendship in the future. Perhaps, someday...

 

Best, 7tInNC

[7tInNC]

Agree with Blueangel, but good you realized this wasn't the best time to call ex with news about wonderful new bf!

 

Shared experiences make for a wonderful start to a friendship. Perhaps with your ex, someday...

 

Best, 7tInNC

[kate111]

Hi Cap,

 

In a new relationship. Good for you!

 

Don't worry about thoughts of the ex. With time and no contact you will get over him ( you MUST resist the urge to call him).

[capricorn85]

Hey guys I have not called him, but my ex called my MOM. They were very close and It seems like I won't get over him if he is still in my life. I don't get why it is necessary for him to call her. I sent him a text and then he text me 3 times then wrote me an email stating that I am playong games and not responding to him. This is frustrating because he won't go away. This is not helping my new relationship at all! I just want to fully let go.

[kate111]

Hi Cap,

 

Don't even respond to him. Rise above his insensitive comments. He broke up with you and that means that he is no longer in your life any more. You owe him nothing.

 

Ignore ignore ignore

 

If he really wants you he will let you know he is interested, until then enjoy your new guy.