Don't Know what to do

[longshot]

Alright..i am really confused. I am 33 years old and have been married to my wife for 5 years. We have two lovely boys and they are 3.5 years and 20 months old. The boys mean everything too me. I currently enjoy being able to spend the days with them while my wife works. Then I go to work 5 nights of week. I feel that my wife is very jealous of this fact and resents me for this. Also we have not been close for over 20 months. Not even holding hands. Every 5 months or so she gets depressed. Last time I told her I love her and asked her if she loved me and she said yes she loved me, but wasn't in love with me. That she was very lonely. Again she is getting depressed more often now. Today she wouldn't talk to me and I said she was unhappy and that the boys and I do not make her happy. I also feel like I am just living with a friend, and not a friend that I even confide in anymore. We don't yell or scream at each other. We just don't talk. I know that we will be debt free in about 9 months, except for our car loan. Which I will be stuck with. I am really considering ending our marriage...as I am also lonely...and feel that our relationship is not a good example for our boys, but then I am also torn because I love being with my boys..and being away from them is going to tear me apart..although I will like rent a place within walking distance of them. I just don't know what to do. We having slept in the same bed for a very long time...we just don't do much. Even when we go to a movie together we don't hold hands...just doesn't feel like anything is there. Just very confused..and scared on what the future holds

[S4il]

Ok.. first let me say this:

 

I Envy you for being there for your kids (boys) not alot of guys can hold that responsibility and would rather leave the kids for the women to raise..

 

Ok to answer your Question about your marriage..WOW that was alot to take in, and i'm, feeling like you 2 need to have something exciting. whats missing in your life.? ask yourself that. Excitement between you and your wife. she wants your attention, or wants you to be there more. as a Husband you have alot on your mind i'm sure. with 2 kids that you show you love. this may be why she is so lonely, cause your with the kids. she feels left-out or Not included into your life/kids life. i think it would be a good idea to have a BIG event in the future. Something you can all enjoy. maybe a Water Park, or Something like a Trip to Great America. or even better a vacation. I sense a "Road Trip" Just make her feel like shes apart of you again. And if your still lost then Reflect on what you 2 did before marriage, before Kids. what was the Pinnacle of the relationship. were BOTH of you were happy. See what I'm trying to say here.? loss of words cause i haven't had any sleep since 3 am. but it seem some what Obvious she feels "Neglected" is she always in the house. like a Bird in a cage. cooking dinner. Cleaning by herself. things like that might be a sign of depression. but to find the DEEP root to pull that depression out of her is Up to you...and i'm postive more people will Post on this, cause it has a good structure. and you made it clear what your asking for an advise.

[longshot]

thanks for your reply,

 

I don't know if she feels left out. We just are not close except for our children. We have been doing family outings as my boys need to be out more and my eldest has a major speech disorder and possible mild artism. We met about 5 years ago, over the internet. I was very lonely and she sounded like a great person. It seems she was lonely and just recovering from a bad divorce. I finally saved up enough money to move to Australia. It seems I made several bad decisions on describing my past relationships and that created some bad foundation within out sexual relationship right off the bat. But, I still had the strong feeling for this person I had talked for over the year on the internet and by phone. We then married - 6 months later we decided to try to have a child - as she always wanted one, and I am lucky for that..as my boys are my life and soul. Three months after my first son was born she got really upset at me and she said the marriage was over. We talked it through and decided to keep trying. I was very scared as her and her family where the only people I knew. It then seems to decline from there...we go through some months having a good relationship. I have a decent job, it is casual which means I don't get holidays but I still bring home a paycheck. But it seems that in the past 5 years all we both do together is eat..and I have gained 50 pounds since I have moved here. As she has also. I know this isn't healthy and I am trying to do something about it. I also know tha she has a friend who is having a beautiful new relationship and she feels like something is lacking. The problem is ..I don't know if there was really any strong fondations to our relationship and we have just been going through the motions. I am strongly thinking about talking to her about seeing a marriage counselor.