Article: "The Loser"

[darkblue]

I post this website to most of the threads I come accross under 'abuse and violence' - but I thought it deserved a separate thread, for the benefit of guests who may be visiting the site in fear of abuse.

 

It is a lengthy read, but it is rather accurate:

 

 

 

 

Credit: This handout was written by Joseph M. Carver, Ph.D., a Clinical Psychologist. It is provided as a public service and can be reproduced as needed. Dr. Carver is in private practice in Southern Ohio.

[KweenofDenyl]

Excellent link. Have been through a "loser" and survived it--it takes an abused woman an average of 8 times leaving to get away for good. Only took me 3 but then I'm i'm above average.

[Hope75]

Great article Darkblue.

 

I too was in a severly abusive relationship with a man I lived with for 5 years.

 

8 times on average to leave... how many abused women have that many chances? It's really sad and scary.

 

I had to come with in 1.5" of losing my life before I left him. I wonder if other women will read this and wake up before I did.

 

I can only hope so.

[Cynder]

This is a great article. I have actually read it before seeing your post. It opened my eyes to a lot of things.

[ff7fan]

I've read this article a lot too. I've been re-reading it whenever I start having nagging feelings that my BF's not that bad ... he fits the profile for a lot of it unfortunately.

[darkblue]

Ah - I didn't notice that.

Thanks kam.

[Sadmoop]

I am just downloading the whole what ...???...10 pages.........it will keep my mind active on my long journey home tonight......when I get home of course.....I think I will take the subway and feed my mind........

Thank you Mr. Dark Blue!

[darkblue]

Great idea, sadmoop

[Shadows Light]

WOW.. great article. Really hit home with me. thanks. I could write a few paragraphs under most of all those catagories...

 

WHAT THE HECK was I thinkin?????????????????

[whatfor]

i didnt see it in the article.. and im curious about this one thing (just curious)... someone who can kick/hit their pet is considered an abuser/loser?

[Shadows Light]

Whatfor... what a cute cute puppy!!!! who could hit or kick that dog??? hmmmm. Ok.. I can see a rolled up newspaper that you hit the ground for effect. Thats even in the dog training video I have. But hitting a defenseless animal... ummm no.

[darkblue]

someone who can kick/hit their pet is considered an abuser/loser?

 

Funnily enough, there is a 'test' to check a potential partner's attitude, and how they may treat you - in the article.

The waiter/waitress test. If he/she is polite, kind and thoughtful to the waiter, it is a sign that they are not a 'loser'.

 

Hitting an animal would be the same sort of thing.

[Itsok]

Hurting an animal is a sign that someone has psychotic tendencies. It's in our nature to be nice to cute n cuddly things and if we don't, something isn't right.

[darkblue]

Hurting an animal is a sign that someone has psychotic tendencies. It's in our nature to be nice to cute n cuddly things and if we don't, something isn't right.

 

Maybe not always 'psychotic'.

But even if it is not a mental problem - the person is not good enough to form a relationship with.

[Hope75]

Animal abuse is often a precurser to domestic violence and also one of the top 3 things seen in a serial killer's profile, before they begin murdering. And yes, in itself it is considered abuse and in many states is considered a felony.

 

Why do you ask?

[RayKay]

whatfor - if I knew someone abusing an animal (whether I was in a relationship with them or not) I would be not only leaving them, and not being around them, but calling the local pet rescue shelter.

 

I have done it on neighbours of mine when I was younger.

 

Absolutely NOT tolerated to abuse animals which trust us to take care of them, and be their guardians. And definite signs of someone whom will take that abuse onto their partners, children and otherwise.

[Lilac]

i have just recently joined this site and it was because of this article that i wanted to join.

 

it brought tears to my eyes reading the article and seeing how many categories that my current boyfriend actually fits into, but what scares me is that i've also done some of the characteristics myself.

 

i will post in another thread my story as not to hijack this one, but my question is am i in the wrong as well cuz i have displayed some of these characteristics?

[darkblue]

Thank you for joining, Lilac.

It exactly people like you I was aiming this thread at - in the hope of capturing the attention of people who are in that position.

 

I have not yet read your thread, but I will reply tomorrow as I have to go for now.

 

Take care, and remember that you can PM me anytime.

[keenan]

Thanks for that link, darkblue. Stellar.

[darkblue]

Good excuse for a *bump*.