Showing S.O. posts you make to help solve problems

[xmrth]

I'm wondering if anyone's shown their boyfriend or girlfriend a post they've made on here concerning a problem in order to show them it has bothered you to that point, and to show what others have said about it.

Anyone do this before, and how did it turn out?

[avman]

I know it's happened, with varying degrees of success. Sometimes it works out well. Other times I get frantic emails asking me to delete a person's posts because their S.O. flipped out when they saw them.

 

If the person has an open mind it should be fine. But every situation is different.

[LiquidCherry]

I think it's a good idea in theory. I haven't done it and here's why:

 

Unless a problem is abusive in nature I think it's a good idea not to talk about relationship problems with other people. I know I prefer others to view my relationship in a positive light. Sometimes we do need advice and it's wonderful to be able to receive objective and anonymous advice. But I imagine if my boyfriend were to post about a problem we had on the internet and show the thread to me I'd be feeling highly defensive at that point and it probably wouldn't do much good at all. Problems usually aren't solved in a confrontational manner and that's just how I would take it.

[darkblue]

I can imagine it turning out both ways - determined by the individual.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

That's a pretty interesting question.

 

I chose enotalone as my new msgboard *home* because I don't know anyone I know who ever reads it/comes here.

Mostly, problems I post about on here I could talk over with my S.O...but if i posted a post about HIM, Im not sure hes the type to ever appreciate having our issues written about on a msgboard.

 

Personally, Id be flattered in a way if my S.O used a msgboard about me..aside from the fact that would mean they had a problem with me..they obviously care!

[Hope75]

My boyfriend and I broke up for a short time last year. After we got back together and worked things out, and I moved back in with him, I was on here posting and I felt weird, like I needed to hide the forum from him and that he would not understand. Whenever he came into the room, I'd shut down the window and pretend to be doing something else.

 

One day I was in the shower and he asked if he could use my computer, I said yes, and deleted all my web browser history... BUT... I had book marked a thread and forgotten about it, and he found it. (I'm sure he was curious what I was being so secretive about!) He asked me what it was, and I laughed and said, "busted". I wa sort of glad it was out, since I like coming here.

 

I explained the site and that I had come here for help when we broke up, and that I got alot of help and support. I told him my username and he searched the forum and read the thread. It took him awhile, (it was long!) and I was nervous. Afterward, he came out and I asked him if he thought it was fair. He said yes, and said it was weird, reading about us on line, but he knew it was anonymous and he understood why I did it. I think it may have been good to see other's perspectives on what we went through.

 

I think he probably checks the thread from time to time, he jokes a few months ago that he knew I thought things were going well because I hadn't posted on our thread!

 

So, while I initially didn't want to show him, it ended up being OK and even good to make myself that vulnerable to him and let him see moreso what I went through and what others thought of it.

[RayKay]

I think the reaction would be HIGHLY dependent on the person, the issue, and the relationship.

 

My boyfriend "found me out" here, pretty early into our dating. I was not so concerned about him reading about HIM (they were just posts about "do I ask him to be exclusive" and so forth) but about him reading about my PAST (I came on here after a bad breakup).

 

He read some things, my own threads, and things I posted to others. And he fessed up to me since he felt guilty. I was okay with it, felt a little shocked and confused, but since by then I was mostly posting to OTHERS anyway, and no longer discussing my own issues anymore I was okay with it. He told me though he respected my privacy/space and would not come here anymore anyway though I said it was fine!

 

I think he is sometimes not sure of why I do come here, I think he thinks I do post about us/him though I don't post our own issues here, and he gets a bit insecure about that, so I would think for him if I WERE to come here and post an issue about us without telling him he might feel a bit strange, though in my eyes it is no different then me talking to friends about it. However, I would always have talked to HIM about the issue before to solve it, and if it DID need more input only then would I post about it. And I DO think that it would help us both get perspective on it if I showed it to him.

 

I think that it CAN help though, really, for an SO to get a better idea of what is going on, to see the advice, though I can also see why they may take offense to it, or react badly. I have seen many times where an SO HAS been shown a thread, and joined to put their side in. Sometimes it works well, sometimes not. But in either case, I think once they got past the "internet publication" issue, and realized the anonymity of it, it might really help.

[RooferGirl23]

I have not and dont think i ever will. my guy is ver worried about what others think of him, and if he knew i was telling others about our problems, he may not be too happy. all the issues i post about, i have tried with him and go no-where.

[RooferGirl23]

Raykay, no matter what your guy thinks about you coming on here, im so very glad that you do. you have given me great advice! (along with many others) dont ever leave us!!!!!!!!!!!!

[RayKay]

Raykay, no matter what your guy thinks about you coming on here, im so very glad that you do. you have given me great advice! (along with many others) dont ever leave us!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Don't worry, I won't...though I may have to reduce it a bit next year when school starts..phew!

 

And he's okay with it now, it was just a bit of a confusion for him, and insecurity for a while. All fixed now though

 

Thanks for your comments!