It's like he is in love with his best friend, not me

[dustinthewind]

Hey there everyone. Thanks for reading. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year, and we just got back from this great Mexico vacation a month ago. BUT lately, I have been feeling second best to everyone. His best friend came home 2 months ago from modeling abroad, and leaves in a week. Needless to say, almost every night my boyfriend is over at this guys house. I try to be understanding, but lately, it has been really huring my feelings.

 

We will make plans to do something, but then his friend will phone, and he will atomatically just say "we will be there for sure" and we will stop what we are doing and go join the best friend doing whatever. Even if my bf has seen this guy already during the day!! I asked my bf to run by plans that he makes for the both of us through me first, so last night, when the best friend called (whose leaving in 6 days) and I told him that I didn;t really want to go, my bf spazed and said that he is leaving and blah blah. Why am I so un-understanding. Its like he is in love with the boy....even though my bf had already played soccer with him that day, and had spent all the previous night with him.

 

I didn;t want to fight, so I sucked it up and we went out and spent all freakin nite with this dude. I sat while they played video games till 2 am. ANd now today, my boyfriend is out with him again.

 

It just hurts my feelings, that my bf cant see that this is our xmas break from school, and that we are always so busy during the school year, and that he should WANT to spend time with me. I mean, he does, but when the chance comes to hang out with his friends and have me tag along, the choice is obvious. Im second best. ANd i know...this guy is leaving. But i just dont understand. SHouldn;t there be a balance that can work out for both of us.

 

Tonight he said. "my parents want u to come to dinner tomorrow, and then we can go to ___the best friends___ and play video games if you bring your brothers game so I can borrow it" I said no. I mean. its not like he wants to see me..his parents do. and he wants the video game. argh. I just feel used and not cherished.

[LiquidCherry]

I know how you feel, my boyfriend is very close to his best friend and sometimes I'll start feeling the same way. For me it mostly has to do with my own insecurities and jealousy issues though so it is an issue that I don't bring up because I'd rather deal with it on my own. Look at all the time your boyfriend usually does spend with you and try not to hold this against him now. It's only for 6 more days. Also, guys usually don't have a lot of friends that they are actually *close* to so the friend or two they are close with tends to be a highly valued relationship... as it should be. I'd also give your guy some credit for inviting you along.. Even if it is no fun sitting around and watching video games. Sure, you feel left out but look at it this way, you are still welcomed into his life.

 

I had a rough weekend cause my boyfriend went to a lan party. (Yes, it was an all weekend party.) I was invited but didn't really want to go... No space on my computer, no other girls, etc.. I felt really left out too, much like you do now. I felt unimportant, jealous, insecure.. But it was only three days (wait, no, four) and things are back to normal and I'm feeling much better now. I'm sure you will too!

[conkatliz]

Hello Dustinthewind, after reading about your situation I can not help but ask,"do you think there is a chance that your boyfriend could be bi-sexual? If his friend is a model he must be very attractive. Well if you think he is attractive I am sure so does your boyfriend. I might open up my eyes and start paying closer attention to how close they sit while playing video games?

[newts]

Just remember he friend will only be around for another week. If you can just let him be with his friend for this time it will make things sooo much easier - he has a whole lifetime with you and only another week with his friend until he leaves again.

 

I know it is very frustrating that he is negecleting you whilst his friend is in town and it is a little dis respectful. Just count down the days. Remember whilst in a relationship it is very important that you still maintain contact with your friends and do things without each other - keeps the spark alive.

 

By the way, not all models are attractive! they have a certain look. I have met some average looking male models, they just seem to have a certain look that is appealing on a catwalk and in photographs.

[darkblue]

I'm not sure if this should be under jealousy, rather than relationship conflicts.

 

He has his own friends. You can't expect him to prioritise you over his friends all the time.

 

The bottom line is: This friend is leaving soon, so bear with it.

But for future reference: You should talk to him about your concerns instead of letting them simmer and build into resentment.

You should have told him that you wanted to spend time; just the two of you - because you believe that is important to the relationship.

[novaseeker]

Hello Dustinthewind, after reading about your situation I can not help but ask,"do you think there is a chance that your boyfriend could be bi-sexual? If his friend is a model he must be very attractive. Well if you think he is attractive I am sure so does your boyfriend. I might open up my eyes and start paying closer attention to how close they sit while playing video games?

 

Okay, that's jumping to conclusions really. Most people are not bi or gay. A lot of guys like to stay up to all hours with their guy friends and play video games and are not bi or gay. In order to even go down this road of suspicion, there would have to be much more than that to the equation, to be honest.

[darkblue]

I agree with nova.

After reading the start of that post and came accross 'bisexual' - I stopped reading - but I should have discreditted it.

 

There are no signs to say that he is gay or bisexual - he is just a man who likes to play video games, and spend time with a friend.

Because his friend is a model, makes no bloody difference. I don't even find most female models attractive.