Update on Holiday Situation w/Ex G/F

[Mstyiyd]

Happy New Year's to everyone! Hope everyone had a peaceful holiday. I can't believe after all the hype, it's over......let's make 2006 great.....because 2005 was just so-so!

 

I haven't posted in a while, busy w/holidays stuff. My ex, who had invited me for Tgiving, also invited me to her family's for Xmas. This was my 3rd yr in a row I've been there. I really enjoy hanging out w/her family, and I don't know if I should have gone but I did and it was cool & worked out, no major issues came up. I did hear from a reliable source that she mentioned she was concerned I would "read into" the Xmas invite, same crap she said @ Tgiving. Everyone feels like she's the one w/the issue, here not me. I miss her alot, Im not over her, but to her face I am cool, not acting like a g/f, going about my business. I don't get why she has to make sh#@*(& remarks like that.

I wound up sleeping over Xmas wkend(she still lives w/a relative as she is saving up $$ to get her own place, she had an illness a few yrs ago and lost alot in her life, not a slacker!).....but I told her b/f she could say anything to me that I would stay in another bedroom. Just to prevent any possible hookups......even though she may not even have been thinking that. Im proud of myself for handling that well.

I did go in her bedroom to chat w/her over Xmas, and a photo of us is on her nightstand on top of her jewelry box. There is also another pic of us on a table in her room. The only other pics she has (and she has lots) are of family. Is that weird?

 

We are supposed to be "just friends".....sigh. I still dont know if I can handle this, i am doing things day by day. I don't think she is with anyone and I am not yet either. Since Tgiving, we have talked on the phone anywhere from 1-3x per day (about absolutely nothing!) and eat lunch during workweek several times per day, we've gone shopping, to the movies, etc. Hanging out and looking like friends, but still strange bec. i dont think she does this w/anyone else. Its like we're back to where we were before the summer NC, just no sex. ALOT of daily contact. Obviously a comfort zone here---on both parties. It's confusing. I havent addressed anything bec i don't want to rock the boat, i feel like if she wants to be more than pals, she can bring that up.

 

One thing that I am not happy with is I think I am looking "too available" for her......like, I pretty much answer the phone whenever she calls, always there to hang out when she calls. I've still hung w/other friends, but ....you know. 98% of the time i let her initiate the calls, occasionally I'll call. So it looks like Im not that eager. At least that's the attempt.

She also stayed over at my place right b/f Xmas. We had gone out to eat and have a few drinks, it was late and she was off the next day and she asked if she could stay over (on my couch) bec. she lives about an hr away.....I gave her a LOOK and said I didnt know if it was a good idea...she said she'd be on the couch, I cave in. Nothing happened, but it was nice to have her there in the morning like we used to, having coffee.She said she was happy to relax there. The little things I miss.

 

Believe it or not, I am trying to play it cool. I went away to visit friends this past wk, just got home today. Told her at the last minute, we are not together so.....I can do what I want. I wanted to make sure I had my own plans for NY's bec. I know she partied her *$& off and had plans that Im sure she wasn't gonna be inviting me to, so I made my own plans several wks ago to avoid more heartache. She and I talked at least 1x per day that I was gone this past wk. I last heard from her Friday, she called 3 times! No reason! Most people Im friends with I probably wouldn't call if I knew they were going away to visit family/friends bec. I would just wait till they got back.

I havent heard from her yesterday or even today, I kinda thought she'd call to say Happy NY's.......but she didn't. I will let her call, though. Does anyone else think that's weird or is it me being my usual?

sigh....some things never change!

 

Enjoyed reading up on everyones posts and new forums since i've been gone.......

[Mstyiyd]

P.S. ----I should not have allowed her to stay over, as per our history. Past forums I've posted talk about our history. Most of my friends/confidantes believe that she is (slowly) "working her way back in".....possibly to be like it was before. Having her cake/eating it too. They think in time she is going to make a pass at me. I don't think so, but every person I've talked about this with disagrees. It doesnt mean she 'wants' me, doesnt mean she and I would get into a relationship, but that is the consensus.

I will NOT be intimate with her if we are not in a relationship. By doing that before wound up being the reason i discovered enotalone!

[Rivpt]

hey mstyiyd,

 

your situation seems kinda similar to mine (you can read it in the thread "things to avoid when wanting to get back together). i did the "fake bf" thing for almost a year after we broke up. sometimes it felt like we were back together, other times i had to face the cold hard truth that she was not my gf, period.

 

well as an update for xmas/new years...she came home for xmas break from grad school and i had to pull myself together enough to drive to her house and tell her i don't want to talk to her or hang out anymore b/c i can't take the ups and downs. it was the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and it broke my heart all over again to have to say that to a girl i love still after all this time, but it needed to be done. things were never going to change the way we were going, and it was only a matter of time until she started dating someone at school. i have a bad feeling you are heading down this road as well. don't take anything literally, such as the pictures...cause she doesn't, i promise. do whatever you can to avoid dragging this "gray area" on for as long as i did. just realize that if she doesn't know you're the best thing that ever happened to her, then it's her loss. i am a mess, and it's been about a YEAR of back and forth...so i know i'm no one to really talk, but i know you can not follow in my footsteps...you have the chance to just make the move to get on with your life and not play the games anymore.