Need some help in this battle!

[BigSyke]

My GF broke up with me on christmas after a 400 dollar necklace. I was an a-hole wow because i got pissed cuz she thought it was fake...So i left. well she then went out and didnt tell me, and i called and called and called. Nothing, no text nothing. I then apologised alot. Nothing still, and after hours and hours at about 1am, she said were done, then i snaped and begged for a few hours. i finally then said the worst things you could ever say to someone. She then said she hates me and never ever call her again.

 

I told her i said that, so I wouldnt run back to her, because of this ignoring treatment. Next day, no answer or nothing. We then met up a few times the next few days and fell back in love! that faded quickly on the 4th day and back to same old. She then said she had somebody else which killed. Back to her cold self again. Now she doesnt know what she wants, but she wants to be single for now. Last night no response to my texts and today i saw her on the road. I talked to her on the phone this afternoon and she doesnt know if she wants me to fight for her or not.

 

I asked her, do you want me to fight for you? she said ok. i said you sure? she said i dont know. and hung up. Tonight i went and dropped off flowers and a card on her car while she was at work. No response when she got off. Wow still nothing. after a year is she really done? i had to leave the party I was at because i thought i was gonna kill myself seeing my friends ex gf's actually treat them like a bf. Im so destroyed right now. I want this girl back plain and simple she is amazing! i just messed up the week before christmas and was an a hole.

 

Do i continue to fight for her? she said she doesnt really mind a text or 2. This is the girl i want to marry. what is your insight?

[Dregnought]

As hard as it is, you need to give her space, some time. Your forceing her while she is hurt - thats real bad. All you can do is give her space, time, and let her know that you will be there for her.

[Hope75]

Weren't there issues between the two of you other than the necklace?

 

I seem to recall that this was a pretty unhealthy relationship for awhile.

 

Am I wrong?

[Hope75]

Ah yes,

 

I went back to your old thread and re read it:

 

 

 

 

This girl sounds completely unstable. She breaks up with you every weekend, she cheated on you... do you really think that is healthy and that you should marry her?

 

She sounds like a nut and you deserve so much more. You can't make a relationship work all on your own, and she isn't willing if she's breaking up with you every weekend, and cheating on you. No one deserves to be treated like that. go back and read your own posts. How healthy does that sound to you? Do you honestly think this is a loving and respectful relationship that you should want to keep long term?

 

Sorry but I think you should leave her be. If she wanted to be with you, you would not have to "fight" for anything.

 

You are much better off without her.

[BigSyke]

your right, it was unhealthy only because i smothered her, didnt give her breathing room in the relationship. I always got mad when she went out. I had trust issues yes, but its still mostly my fault for her becoming so very very cold.

 

She doesnt seem hurt because she never tries to contact me, ever. And when we do talk, she seems like yea what ever. Her family wanted me to marry her, now they hate me. i dont know if thats why she isnt talking to me, but its weird and painful. Ive been in a situation before, where my ex has left me for another guy after a year, and it was horrible. But somehow this seems way worse because all these signs say were still supposed to be togeather.

 

Did she just break up with me because of new years? cuz she wanted to party?

 

Heres the scoop, she left her ex for another guy, and then he kept on her and they got back togeather after she found he had another girl. Then she left him for me, but he came back into the picture by begging and all this stuff. I dont know i cannot lose her!

 

Shes confused, she wants me to fight, but she doesnt because she wants to move on. If i give her space, she will move on. i guess i have to let her go somehow, but shes not one i really wanna give up.

[Dregnought]

Shes not in it for the love, shes in it for the pleasure of body contact. She wouldnt even call it a relationship. Break up for good man.

[BigSyke]

what do you mean body contact? sex? which we never have.....I think that shes keeping me on a leash. She knows i am gonna text her non stop because i want her back, so she knows i will always be there. If I try to stop my hardest, will she realise somthing?

[Dregnought]

I mean any sort of touching (even holding hands), and words/feelings. If you stop, she will just move on. To be ohenst, she probly wont care to much.

[ocrob]

I have not read your posts from the past, but I will give you my opinion. Your ex sounds very confused and if you keep pressuring her it will not help. I say that you need to be strong and not contact her. If she loves you , then she will come back, but you can not wait around. Do not show her any attention and just live your life. She may or may not want you back, but giving her attention will ruin things. Trust me, I have tried to fight for my woman and it did not work. I wish I knew about this site sooner. Stay NC. Good luck bro.

[DN]

She cheats and blames you because you have trust issues. And you accept this behaviour. She demands a diamond necklace and despite not wanting to get it, you get it anyway and then she thinks it fake and gets into a fight with you.

 

She's a cheater, a manipulator and a user. She doesn't love you, she only loves herself. Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and move on. This girl is not worth one more second of your time nor one more flicker of your emotions. Drop her like a hot rock - she's a waste of space.

[Lady Bugg]

LOL...Wow ...I like DN'S New "tude"...this year!!!

[Consumed]

Is this not the girl who's family threatened to kill you? It's 2006 mate, leave her well alone, today can be the first day of the rest of your life, forget this woman, she's nasty trouble and you seem far too good for her. One day you'll look back and laugh at all this, until then, you've got our support, please follow it, the advice people gave you should be adhered to, the objective viewpoint is what you need.

 

Good luck, happy new year

[Bethany]

Don't you think you owe it to yourself to say enough is enough and that you deserve better?

Btw, I dont think you were an a**hole for getting annoyed with her for thinking it was fake. She's the fake honey, move on.

[Hope75]

it was unhealthy only because i smothered her, didnt give her breathing room in the relationship. I always got mad when she went out. I had trust issues yes, but its still mostly my fault for her becoming so very very cold.......she wants me to fight, but she doesnt because she wants to move on. If i give her space, she will move on. i guess i have to let her go somehow, but shes not one i really wanna give up.

Big Skye,

 

If she wanted to be with you, you would not have to fight for her. In order for a damaged relationship to work, BOTH parties must be willing to put in EQUAL effort and STOP PLACING BLAME... and work towards a healthy, loving respectful relationship. One person cannot and should not "fight" for the other.

 

It is not the case that one person "owes" more towards the repair than the other. If both want to get back together, and work to make it work, the hard truth is that it takes a concerted and equal effort from both. Her expectations of you show that even if she decided to come back yet again you are doomed to fail, because even though she treated you like garbage and you allowed it, she still blames you and expects YOU to fight for her and do all the work. Does that sound like an equal effort reconciliation attempt?

 

You are sitting here blaming yourself for her cheating on you. That is not the case. She made a conscious choice. If she was not happy with the way things were going, she could have and should have talked to you about it and if that didn't work out then she should have left and stayed gone.

 

Instead she chose to cheat on you, and then break up with you every weekend so she can go and party and then take you back when it's conveniant for her. The thing you said right was that she kept you on a leash. Do you think maybe you had trust issues because she cheated on you and lied to you???

 

You cannot blame yourself for her actions. She is an adult who thinks and decides for herself and knows full well that the consequences of her actions wouuld hurt you, and she still did it.

 

DN is right, she does not love you, she only loves herself.

 

Try your best to move on. Any marriage with this person would have ended in ugly divorce.... this is NOT grounds for a healthy long term relationship.

[BigSyke]

still she wants to be single, and there is no changing that i guess. Its the fact that we spend almost every day together for 365 days. In one day boom shes a phantom, totally over me no questions. This is the type of person she is, shes too stuborn to fight for me. This breakup was my fault this time. Im trying to get over her but i cant eat, sleep or really do anything but sit here and stare at my phone.

 

Im trying to run, but i still want her in my life! maybe not as my girlfriend but as a friend. She is going through some changes right now since she is in her last year of high school. We had a trip planned for the bahamas in a few weeks, and california in the spring.

 

I jsut dont know anybody who can just ignore all the texts and things i do like that. If i would have done that 5 days ago she would have came running back to me at light speed. Did she just want to be single for new years eve?

 

Yes people, she has big issues, but i have even bigger. Much bigger and SHE is the one i was gonna marry! please read this all! Ive seen so many couples and they were all jelous on how we were. Its like we knew eachother for ever and were bestfriends. Never got sick of eachother, could talk for hours and hours, and were like the PERFECT match. She has a real close family, but unfortunately they drink alot, her brother is an alcoholic, and her sister had a baby at 19. My ex lost all of her friends while she was with me, mostly because they were mean girls, but also i think i may have forced her to hang out with me alot. Yes very wrong of me. Thats how the break up for the weekends started happening. When she got around her friends who all hated me, she pretended to hate me too. I then flipped out and became this ahole when ever she was with them. Thats the big reason she left me.

 

I also am very jelious, i just cant seem to shake it. I would always call her up and B**TCH when i found out she hung out with some guy, or saw her myspace. I get mad at the dumbest things and just cant seem to shake out of it. wow, seems like this relationship was almost the same as my last, because it ended the SAME WAY (exact same way-identical). After a while i then became sick of her kinda, and wanted to break up, so i treated her poorly. I then would realise she is the most amazing person, and i will never find anyone close, and how dumb i was. Well this time it was too late. I know i need time to heal and change myself, which im going to counceling for now, but im not the person to go out and find a good girl like her. The only other girls ive been able to find were strippers and dirty girls, and i dont know why! girls i would never last with. I have no friends anymore, just working and sitting at home, waiting.

 

Yes she isnt the best girlfriend, but i still would like to keep her around, because once she grows up and matures, she will be the ULTAMATE companion.

 

Last thing is, i do like the tourture, but not to this extreme which is what im going through, but when she would go out, i would get worried. Im not attracted to girls who dont do that. I think i like the pain. Its exciting sometimes, until you lose them.

 

I can either keep trying until she tells me to stop, or just give up on this girl who has potential in the future. I really liek this girl, and i love her family- who now dislikes me.

 

Oh and yea, i do take everybodys posts to heart! if you get angry and what i say im sorry. I may say stuff that doesnt make sense, its just the only way to relieve my pain is posting here. I hope you all will still respond.

[DN]

I don't think anyone on here is angry with you - on the contrary, we feel sorry for you and your situation. But I do think you need a wake-up call about this girl and the bad effect she is having on your self-esteem and emotional well-being.

[BigSyke]

It just seems that i cant do no-contact. I dont know why! im trying so hard to step away from the situation, but i cannot. Ive been sitting in my room for days with nobody to really hang out with. Im trying to heal, but its just insane that she is doing this treatment to me. Its like she is under a spell of some sort. No matter what texts i say including "do you want me to stop?", i get NO response and its driving me nuts! i can see where no contact will help, but its now seeming like NO-contact will destroy any chance i get, to make her see what she lost, and how good of a friend i am.

 

I want to get back together yes, but i am also willing to fight for her until she "really" tells me off, and then i will know. Im willing to destroy this beyond all repair so i know i have no chance, and there for can move on. But i cant when i feel like i can fight for her, and when i feel like i can have a chance.

 

She started off saying this guy was great, then it turned into hes nothing dont worry. But now its back to nothing all together. I dont know how to make her talk to me just so i can ask her, if I should give up and move on? or if we will remain close?

 

Its hard to accept that she was a good girl, now shes destroying my soul and not really caring. I guess she has Totally moved on. hurts, real bad. Im just afraid what i might do to myself, since there is nobody to talk to, and nothing to do, just sit, and look at my phone.

[BigSyke]

is there any kind of anti-depressants to ease this low im in? Here is the question i wanted to ask you. When i was on oxycodine, i was so positive and happy and our relationship was higher than i ever could imagine. After i got off it, i was back to my same old depressed self. is pills just a terrable thing to do? is there a pill that will help me no be so depressed? even tho i know this is natural to feel liek this, i just have alway been depressed.

[Pikey1972]

BigSyke, is there somewhere you could go today to get yourself out of the house / room? Maybe to the movies or to the gym, or for a walk? Do you have any friends / family nearby you could go and see or call?

 

I was very worried when you said "I'm afraid what I might do to myself" - we're here to help you, you're not alone!

 

It's only my opinion I know, but I think complete NC would help you a great deal: hearing your ex talk about this new guy must be hurting like mad and can't be helping you heal.

 

Please please please look after yourself and think about your own needs. Try not to focus on your ex and what she might be doing, and focus on yourself!

 

We're here for you, don't give up.

[Hope75]

The most important thing is to keep yourself busy. Get out of your room. Go out and spend time with your friends. Work out, go to the movies, do whatever you can to keep your mind and body busy.

 

Your behaviour is bordering obsessive.

 

You may have done things wrong in the relationship too, but it does not excuse what she did to you. It just proves that you are even more incompatible, and a dangerous and unhealthy combination for a relationship.

 

It's a good idea to seek counseling, and talk to the doctor about possible antidepressants. At least get in and talk to someone.

 

Your self esteem has definitely taken a beating, and you need to work on yourself. I suspect that after some time apart you will begin to see how destructive this relationship was and how good it is that you are finally out of it.

[BigSyke]

i know, once i get past this point, i will definatly see that she is being very harsh right now. Its just the healing process is slower since i have no where to go, no one to talk to, no family or friends. I really want some anti-depressants or somthing to make me feel better about myself, and to stop crying 24/7. I am so pushing her away right now, but she is already long gone. I just need something to occupy me right now. I try to do things, but i just end up tearing up, and grabbing my phone and texting. should i just change my number? get rid of my phone?

 

Its funny because i can usually talk anybody into anything after being in sales, but for somereason, its not working on her anymore. Asking her to meet up real quick for an exchange of items, goes from yea we can, to ill just drop it off maybe- to no reply, nothing.

 

soon enough i will see that she isnt as pretty as i thought, shes overweight , and is a stuck up b*tch now. Guys still are lined up for her, but they are all ugly. Which makes me feel even uglier, since she chooses them over me.

 

i dont know, its like there is either signs saying were supposed to be together, or its all torture from the devil. Everytime, i flip on the radio, its our song playing. And at work it seems they play all the songs about getting back together. I just see little things, and it makes me go nutso.

 

 

So i gave the final text saying you will no longer hear from me anymore, love you. no response, and i dont think she really cares, i mean nothing to her....wow. Soon enough i will stop crying, stop punching things, and laugh at what she lost....but then again i made it this way. wow, i need help, when i met her i promised myself i would never ever do the things i did wrong in the past. I did, and it ended up the same way. I just wish she would try a bit like she did a few days ago. I think she got laid last night so she doesnt need me anymore.

 

Did any of your ex's still talk to you after you broke up? im just trying to find out why shes avoiding me like after all we been through. She was the one who NEVER wanted us to end. One time she chased me for hours on the road after a fight, and i still was an a-hole, man. She did fight for me alot, now its my turn....but its not really working.

[BigSyke]

Thats it, i have to repair. I have to get back on track soon here. These ups and downs are killing me, i need to stay up. I had tunnel vision with her. She is really one of the worst girlfriends ever if she can walk away like this. She is not worth it and i will never go back to her. I have to keep this mentality. I have another girl who likes me, but just doesnt fit my profile. My ex was really the only one out of thousands of girls who did. I just hate being so picky. If my ex's so called new "friend" has better things than me, then i will triple that, and laugh at her once its done.

[BigSyke]

now im off to spend some money on worthless stuff, so i can occupy myself

[healinginnyc81]

big syke, there's a lot of reasons why she may not want to talk. she could be feeling guilty, she might feel like she needs to forget you in order to get on with her life, I don't know. I was completely depressed and hopeless for an entire week after I was dumped. But I went to a counselor and he told me to spend time by myself and not to try to escape the anxiety. He told me just don't contact her, just let my emotions out as much as I need to, don't force anything like going out with friends unless I really want to, try to accept the pain until it wears off.

 

I tried it even though it was so hard to see any hope that whole week. he told me to just believe that although it may get worse in the short run, it will get better in the long run.

 

I think that advice applies well to your situation. We're here for you if you need someone to talk to. I know I had absolutely no one until I came onto this forum. I also had never been one to let people in on my emotions. So I didn't have any friends that I felt comfortable talking with. However, I realized that because I hadn't been open with other people, it made me that much more attached to my ex. So I've been letting a couple of friends know how I feel a little more and surprisingly they actually were understanding and let me talk.

 

Hope you can see that you will get better soon. Keep posting.

[Hope75]

Rather than focusing on her and what she's doing, focus that attention on yourself. She left you. She doesn't want your attention on her, and by obsessively texting her, you not only act like a stalker, but you prevent yourself from moving forward.

 

You have to enforce NC to get yourself off the ground and moving forward.