He's 14 Years Older...I Didn't Know...

[music_is_life102]

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[Beec]

Whoa, wait a second.

 

First of all, you ran out. Who is to say he thinks he can date an 18 year old. He mgiht want to, but . . .

 

What really seems to be happening here is that wo people get along and are attracted to each other. Anything wrong with that? No. But the age thing. OK, you are below the normal level of respectability for him to date accordiong to the traditional calculation ((his age/2 + 7)(So: 32/2=16+7=23)) and you won't get to respectable for six years or so ((38/2)+7=18+7=25 and 18+7=25). However, this means you have an issue you will either have to deal with, or you can forget all about him. That's your choice. Some people could not deal with this. But, there is really nothing wrong with it. Some people will just look at it and be critical. Can you take that? Can you take it from Mom or Dad? What will they say? What about your friends or other relatives?

 

I think you have a choice to make, try or don't. If you are both willing to try, take it slow.

[ocrob]

Wow Beec,

 

That was an impressive post. I don't know where you came up with the calculations, but I found them very interesting. I would say that you should call the guy and apologize for running out. I am sure he was just as surprised as you. I am guessing that if he likes you then the age thing will not matter. You are young, but so what. If he is respectful and treats you well, then just get to know him. As Beec says, if you can't deal with the age difference,then bail. I don't know if he still wants to date you, but put the shoe on the other foot. What if you really liked him and he pulled away because of your age. You would say that it does not matter because you both get along. I am guessing it will be hard to have a relationship while in college, but if you can do it, then give it a shot.

[musicguy]

When your an adult the age gap isn't a big deal, but I would say take things slow and see what happens.

[Shadows Light]

As an adult. You owe him an opportunity for a convesation about this.

 

LOVE BECC's calculations.. LOL.. impressive.

 

No, as you get older age may not matter.

[Beec]

The calculations are really an old rule I learned. Been inside them and outside them. I was once outside them with reversed roles, she was just that much older by a year.

 

But if you try it you can see that the numbers you would come up with are on the verge of surprise or a litlte shocking. If you see a guy at 30 with a woman 22, that's too young for most people. Him 40, her 27; him 50, her 32; him 60, her 37. It kind of works.

[pineapple_juice]

Why were you scared by the age difference? What matters is that you love each other and care for each other, and share common passions.

 

What matters if his life experience, and not his age. I am only 22, but many girls I know already say I am a grown man, because I do so many mature thing - mentor boys through big brothers, work on a crisis hotline, do volunteer bike patrol with the police, orientate new students are my university, recruit sponsors for World Vision, visit the elderly in nursing homes - the point being is that life experience, not age, is what matters.

 

Even at Christmas time, remember that Mary was probably 14 to 16, while Joseph was atleast 30 (Jewish law banned men from marrying before age 30). Age gap relationships can work.

[ocrob]

Wow Pineapple juice,

 

You sound like an amazing person. I am glad that you are in favor of Music getting to know this guy. Getting to know anyone can not hurt. As usual Shadows Light is giving great advice because she is a wonderful women from her posts. lol But, seriously, you should at least be openminded and see what happens.

[lovecrazy]

Ok age is nothing but a number, it sounds like to me he was comfortable with you engouh not to ask your age! And you know what if other peopl ehave a problem with your age. SO what, as long as you two are happy it doesnt matter. My friend has been dating a guy who is about 14 years older than her. They started dating when she was 18, adn the used to go places, and it is the sme thing, she looks older, he looks younger, they just tused to tell people that she didnt drink!

 

So if you want to get back in his good graces just call him, tell him you are sorry. But you were embarrassed. And that you are very sorry, and would like to continue dating him. And if he cant see it was a mistake, then he is not for you!

 

Age is nothing but a number, it depends on the maturity level!

So just call him, and a converstaion about what happened. And see where it goes from there!

[novaseeker]

It's up to you. Not everyone is "up for" an age gap relationship, to be honest. If it's something that bothers you, that you think is odd, that will cause you to question the relationship and so forth, and/or if you care about the fact that a lot of third parties will look at you oddly (because they will ... people just love to gossip about age-gap couples, it seems to really turn them on or something then maybe it isn't for you. Age-gap relationships can work out, but only if the age gap is not an issue, up-front, for both people.

 

At this point I think you owe him an apology for walking off. Beyond that, it's really up to you as to whether or not you want to proceed.

 

I've been in age gap relationships that were slightly outside of the Beec Scale™, and I was comfortable enough in them. None of them worked out, but not because of the age gap in itself. But again it's not for everyone and it totally depends on your comfort level, so you need to decide what you're comfortable with for yourself.

[hazlcha]

(Jewish law banned men from marrying before age 30).

 

I know this is an older post, but actually Jewish law encourages marriage by 24. It also says that a young woman shouldn't marry someone too much older, because when he's already approaching old age, she's still relatively youthful. That could lead to problems. What the range is is really left open, but the case I know of a woman married to a guy 40 years OLDER than her, is a case in point. He's in a nursing home, and she's working. But even 20 years, especially nowadays when people are ageing differently, probably isn't the same thing. So if you connect to the guy, go for it. What is a relationship, after all? It's being together and sharing life with each other. It's not about comparing drivers licenses.

[savannahohsavannah]

I think you may have blown it by running away. I don't mean to be rude by that, btw, but he could see it negatively. However if he does happen to contact you tell him the truth, that you were a bit confused because you didn't realize you two had such a big age gap. It's okay though, this is life we live and learn all the time!

[savannahohsavannah]

The calculations are really an old rule I learned. Been inside them and outside them. I was once outside them with reversed roles, she was just that much older by a year.

 

But if you try it you can see that the numbers you would come up with are on the verge of surprise or a litlte shocking. If you see a guy at 30 with a woman 22, that's too young for most people. Him 40, her 27; him 50, her 32; him 60, her 37. It kind of works.

 

I know I risk being bashed by saying it, but it's true. Younger Adult and Older Adult relationships happen all the time. Stigmatizing them by arbitrarily setting age limits is counterproductive.

 

Just my .02 cents.

 

Biggest age gap: 24 years

[Msnak]

Age isn't always the issue.

 

It's life stages...you know: college, marriage, child rearing, retirement, etc...

 

If you're in the same life stage, you can possibly be just fine.

[lostwithlove]

him 60, her 37. It kind of works.

Erm... not really.