ex girlfriend talking with my boyfriend

[selene]

For the past few months, my bf's ex still talks to him, she calls him, emails him, and text messages him on his cell phone. Ever since december when she sent a message to him on his messenger account (automatic login) when i booted the computer up, i've learned that she was the one he dated before me, and he'd been cheating on her with me (as well as another girl too as i found out later), not telling me he had a gf at the time. She sounded bitter and angry on the messenger when i told her i was his girlfriend, even making a crytic comment that "i didn't know he's a cheater, and said he had told her he'd call her for sex because he hadn't had any for a while." This upset me badly, because i never knew he had been committed to someone, especially after I had been quite verbal in telling him i disliked sharing body fluids and germs from other people other than my partner. after a confronting him on the issue, he said that all exes would say weird stuff about their ex, and they would fabricate things. I accepted his explanation and felt better since it seemed the ex hated him and would not take him back as she said she wouldn't. But for the next months, i would see emails from her detailing how she spent her day, and later, the messages on his phone would go into sex, she'd say things like "no sex neccesary, but dang it, sex with you was great," and it seemed like an invitation to spend time with her. she kept sending these types of messages, but since i don't know my boyfriend's side of it, i can't be sure if he's encouraging this type of conversation with her. It makes me feel insecure, because i wonder if he just likes the sex with her and misses it because she was into bdsm and the stuff. ( i am too, but we haven't gone there as a couple yet, so he doesn't know this about me) I talked with him about it, and he got mad, saying that she had a daughter "who'd known me her whole life" to tie him to her, and i didn't. This child is not his, but the ex's from her previous marriage. apparently he and she had been high school friends and he'd gotten together with her when she was getting separated from her husband. I don't know what to feel. Obviously i'm feeling insecure and jealous, but i don't know why she would say such things to him. Is she trying to get him to cheat on me to hurt me because I had been the "other woman", however unknowingly and unintentionally? ever since i found out that he had been in a relationship during that time, it's harder to trust him, and i find myself with questions of why. I also feel that it was just cheap, all this time we'd been spending romantic times together in quiet, like watching the fireworks and all. my fond memories of all those special times now have a dirty tinge to it, and i'm trying to let it go, to build again, but i can't help but feel a sadness in wondering about his actions and why. Despite numberous talks about this topic, i never really feel satisfied with the conversation, even though he reassures me he loves me. Any advice or insights into this? Thanks.

 

Selene

[foolish]

If he cheated on his Ex with you then what does that say about him as a person? I think he would do it again. If she keeps sending him messeges and calling him there might be a chance that he still contacts her. I could be wrong though. She could just be a jealous person. I would confront him again about this and ask him. Tell him how you feel. Honesty is extremely important in a relationship. Tell him to change his email or number.