I am in deep relationship hell, believe me !

[99thfloor]

OK

here is the scenario, I hammered the booze a lot in the past and lost everything and so decided a change of town was the answer. Briefly put, I was living in South London, UK, and used to have a good ( but mind numbing) job, a girlfriend who was 14 years younger than me, a house (owned) in the suburbs, tree lined streets and all that, beautiful little boy etc. It took me a while after we split up but I moved away (after rehab), moved to the coast, got a new job, own place etc then discovered the net ! After a couple of wrong moves I had the chance of moving to Florida after a years online relationship with a divorcee. Great, she was attractive ( sent me dated photos), successful ( her ex took everything) and was dying for me to come over, quit my crap job, horrible flat etc. So against my better judgement I did, my life was shite anyway, what did I have to lose ? Well for a start the 'too good too be true girlfriend' was just that, chubby (not like her photos, although I have nothing against chubby people), possessive in the extreme and a psychopath to boot (ie: threatening suicide if I ever left etc !). Ok, heres the bottom line, I trusted her so much I let my return ticket run out and I am literally at her mercy as regards getting back to the UK. Sounds neave I know, I'm not, but to put it in laymans terms she terrifies me, I've run out of money and I need some serious tips on how to dig myself out of this hole.

[segagirl]

How is it that we find ourselves in these situations?

Get a job, save your money and fly home. Or heck stay in the states first.....Florida is pretty cheap to live in. I think the best thing for you is to remember what you said...you had nothing to lose.....so heck it's just another interesting story to tell your friends. Regardless of if she scares you, time to find a new place to stay, or sit quietly until you can resave some money. And when this is all done, please stop and reflect...you tend to make some rather interesting choices in your life, maybe time to change the way you make them.

[kdreger]

Ok if there's no way you can escape her... make her not want you.

 

Even psychopath's can detest the right man. You have to get her to lose respect for you.

 

1) Start to cry ALL the time over EVERYTHING. HUGE SOBS! Wailing is good too.

2) Start to act permissive. When she asks you to make a decision - don't. Say you can't decide. Tell her you want her to decide for you.

3) Don't bathe, shower or take care of yourself anymore. Pick your nose in front of her and wipe it on her furniture.

4) Sit on your ass ALL the time. When she gives you hell about that - CRY! See #1

5) Purposely download disturbing pictures from the internet and leave them for her to find - beastiality etc.

 

That's a start. Really what you want to is to escape her. The best way is to make her want you gone.

[99thfloor]

Well I must say thanks for the rapid replies ! Makes me feel I'm not alone, thanks especially Segagirl, seems you are the wise one here ! Swingfox ? Well thanks for your cheap flights guidance but its July, not Jan/Feb and its nearly the weekend ! Cripes !

As for Kdreger, well maybe you'd like to exchange places here, but yeah, I see where you're coming from, its just I'm desperately trying to be subtle, which I've never done before, this is one of those things that needs thought. Have you seen the space here in South Florida ? If she threw me out on the street I'm sure it would be weeks before anyone noticed !

[kdreger]

Subtle... oh ok.

 

Well, decide on what the worst case scenario's are. Plan for them.

 

1) She is threatening to kill herself - then she thinks she can't live without you so you have to make it so she feels she can.

2) You have no where to go - start to figure out options.

3) You have no money - again figure out options.

 

Honestly, you need options or you won't escape. Either you have to make friends with someone out there that can bail you out or you have to find a place you can go with your limited options. Maybe contact your ex or someone in the UK to wire money to you to buy a ticket to get back.

[99thfloor]

Once again, thanks KD. I suppose the dilemma I'm faced with is face up to things here or go back to the UK where things are barely any better ! Would be nice to be able to help my girlfriend through her demons too, too often in the past I've legged it without a thought for the trail I've left behind.

[kdreger]

I hear ya. Sometimes you wish things would get better but they never seem to. It's like banging your head against a wall.

 

This woman lied to you so you have to remember that when you make your decision. Sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. Besides, you can't solve her problems for her. She has to face her demons herself - there's nothing you can do if she won't help herself.

 

That leaves you. Now what do you want out of life right now? Will you get that going back to the UK or staying where you are?

 

First, you have to get out of the situation you are in with that girl. Her demons will keep you from solving your own problems. Once you're free from that then assess your life. What do you want? How can you get it? What do you have to do? Set realistic goals. As you reach each goal the next goal will seem possible. Eventually, you will look back and be impressed by what you have accomplished. It's important that you don't look at the big picture too much as it can overwhelm you. Figure out the first step and work towards it.