Are Girls tougher?

[DN]

I have never been divorced. ButI suspect that few people ever entirely forget someone they have been very close to, so in that sense you could say a relationship never ends.

[Dako]

When times are tough I recite the Men's Prayer from Red Green's show:

 

I'm a man

I can change

If I have to

I guess

[gersanos]

Interesting topic.

 

The only time a girl told me she was "unhappy" I sat down and tried to talk with her about it - I took a proactive approach and listened, but all she offered me was, "I don't know why I am unhappy." I saw all the red flags, tried to "work on it" and all, but in hindsight, I should have jumped ship as soon as those came up, instead of trying to be mature for once and handle it properly. Perhaps that's just a unique case, but it left me jaded going forward: girl say's she is unhappy, I leave right away. I am not going to put in the effort like I did before for her to not communicate with me what is going on, and then just leave.

 

But I agree on many posts here. There are always warning signs and red flags. Learn to recognize them. Also, communicate it and honestly try to work it out. The generation before me has stuck through thick and thin, I know times change, but it is pretty pathetic when people just leave when things get tough.

[Shadows Light]

I think more generations of the past stuck it through because options were limited. They just didn't stick it through... they were STUCK.

[DN]

That was true for some people. But also because people took their wedding vows seriously and did try to make it through tough times. I have been married a long time and there were times when it would have been an option to have given up and separated. But we stuck it out until we had got things back on track. Sometimes it seems people have no staying power through tough times and take what appears to be the easy way out. Problem is that often the easy way out is not so easy after all and can cause more problems than it solves.

[Shadows Light]

Oh.. I agree.. I don't think you should pitch it until all possible options have been excercised.

[OceanEyes]

I think there are really just times when you *know* that the relationship is not for you. No amount of therapy, talking, or compromising can change sheer incompatibility. And should we really force something that was never meant to fit in the first place? Sometimes, I will agree, couples can hit roadblocks and come out stronger, but sometimes it's really just better to stop wasting your time and move on.

 

As long as both people still love each other, there is always hope.

[raynor]

 

Basically, from what I can tell, most guys act like boys - they act like children to the mother. But most women want a man who will act like a father, help start a family, and be able to make decisions and support the house. Little things like this are an indicator of your "worth" as an adult male. You don't have to be mean or rude or cruel, you just have to be mature, polite, adult, and like a gentleman. That means making decisions and sticking with it.

 

But then what if they think you are "bossy"? Going back to your example of picking a restaurant....if she shot down all 3 suggestions and you just picked one, would that not just make you look bossy?

[Dako]

Reminds of an old line:

"I keep telling my husband to stand up for himself and be more assertive,

but does he listen? No. He just ignores everything I tell him to do."

[OceanEyes]

Reminds of an old line:

"I keep telling my husband to stand up for himself and be more assertive,

but does he listen? No. He just ignores everything I tell him to do."

 

LMAO! This is cute.

[Shadows Light]

NO don't sound old. LOL. And aye.. we DID walk to school, 10 city blocks, in the snow. Grin. But it was also safer to let your kids walk to school.

 

You are right on the money. I agree.

 

There are so many technological changes and the standard of living has risen dramatically. Look at your own family, 10 kids.. and I bet you lived in a smaller home than you live in now. While the family unit has dwindled down to 2 kids on average... the homes have doubled in size. Along with all the amenities.

 

I think that the institution of 'marriage' has changed. Where people may have married to have a "family unit" and for "survival purposes" today... its changed. The options have changed. Women can work and have a family without the "need" for a male counterpart. Its no longer frowned upon for a woman to have a child out of wedlock. Heck, some women who've chosen to go the career route, don't even need to have a "male" present during conception. No longer is having a "male" in the unit a survival need. (this has got to be a davastating blow to the male phsyche) If a woman can produce the necessities of a livihood on her own. Then her mate had better be up to par for phyical and emotional needs. And if NOT... well, you see what we have.

 

For today's males. I'd say its a challenge. I think the roles we play today are NOT clearly defined as they used to be. I think the rules are blurred. Women have come a long way from where they once were. But NOW is the question... how do we fit???

 

Add to all of that the stressors of the economy. The middle-aged male is having a tough time competing in a high-tech economy that is demanding more and more from him. The technological advances are pushing him out of jobs. Or everytime there is a CUT in staffing. He just gets that much closer to being cut. He doesn't know how to respond to the work stressors. And then he comes home and doesn't know how to respond to the HOME stressors. He's being asked to do things that he was not trained for.. has no skill sets for and has absolutely NO network of avenues to talk about it. Because they were taught to solve their own problems.. and not share them with other males.

 

I too feel ancient.... tonz of technological advances in the last 30 years. And now they are coming at greater and greater speed. It will certainly be interesting to see how the next 20 years pan out... and how the younger generation responds to relationships etc.

[melrich]

That's very insightful Shadows.

 

Often society does not see (or refuses to see) the impact seemingly small changes have on the way we live. Much of the change is insidious and happens over a long period of time.

[Cooperstown]

I wouldn't say that females are tougher, rather they are more open about their feelings and more willing to let it all go. Guys will hold on to it, let it fester, let it hurt. They are hurt and won't let it out.

[yeawutever]

Well, everyone deals with their issues differently, I don't really like talking about my problems that much, don't even tell my folks that much. Don't feel good talking with lots of people there, I just would rather write or just keep it all to myself, then again, some people are very expressive, some more than others. Some are tougher and some are weak, Everyone's different.

[Mjane]

While I think it should be tried, I tend to believe that adage that says: "when it gets to going to marriage counseling, it's usually to late."

The mars/venus site is 99 per cent women and 99 per cent of them have been dumped. That site is very sad because most of the women are clinging to men who aren't interested in them.

It's true that guys don't "talk" to their guy friends about relationship stuff, but it doesn't mean they don't need to talk to someone. This site seems to have more men on it than many others.

[novaseeker]

It's true that guys don't "talk" to their guy friends about relationship stuff, but it doesn't mean they don't need to talk to someone. This site seems to have more men on it than many others.

 

Agree 100%, which I think is why you see so many men here!

 

I will say that my gay guy friends to seem to talk more about relationship stuff than my straight guy friends do, but as with anything it's hard to generalise beyond personal experiences.

[Mjane]

I was out with a couple a few months ago. I was telling them about the guy I was dating, doing a little analysis. The guy said, I talk about this stuff all the time with my friends. I was shocked. I said, are you sure you're a guy?

He's the only guy I've ever met who admits/does talk about relationship stuff with his friends.

It's rare.

And from comments in this thread, I would also say that one of my biggest problems in dating guys lately is men lack communication skills.

I'm not great either, but how do men think they are going to have a healthy, happy, productive relationship if they don't talk about the issues in the relationship?

I'm talking about simple stuff like expressing a need for a guy to call you more (like once a week) and he doesn't comply. Or trying to talk about sex and the guy pretends he doesn't understand what you are saying.

Sorry, I'm just frustrated.

[novaseeker]

What you have to understand is that many (not all) men are not taught/socialised feelings-related communications skills very well as they are growing up ... and they have to learn these on the fly and are very much playing catch-up with many women in this respect. Men are perfectly good communicators on a wide variety of topics, but when it comes to the emotional side of things it's often harder for some/many to communicate, in part because some/many may not also be that closely in touch with their own feelings, to be honest (which is another, related problem: hard to communicate when the connection with feelings is more tenuous and vague ... hence the rabbit-in-the-headlights look on many men's faces when confronted with the dreaded question: "What are you feeling?"). It's hopefully changing for younger generations of men, in terms of how they are bieng socialised, but I don't know. It certainly does cause lots of problems in relationships, that's for sure.

[Dako]

Huh?

 

 

I always wonder if we try yo fit into stereotypes or are defined by them.

There are plenty of guys that go on about emotional issues and women who don't.

 

It may be that we choose our mates based in part on these expected behaviors. The strong silent guy, the bubbly chatty woman or other image might attract a mate that in time grows weary of the downside.

 

Wish a had a buck for every woman who felt protected by a tough guy with a temper until she pisses him off or the guy who marries a delicate princess who needs constant attention.