Is it wrong to be happy about being pregnant when your only a teenager?

[havefaith]

Young1,

 

Thanks for the words of wisdom. The pregnancy scare I am going through has to do with a dumb mistake my boyfriend and I made; we had sex for the first time as a kind of "heat of the moment" experiment and though I had just started my period and he didn't ejaculate my period stopped and it's just nerve-wracking as hell.

 

I'll be thinking of you as you go to your doctor's appointment -- I made one, too, for Thursday, so I'll be talking to my doctor about what has happened to me and hopefully, though I would very much like to have children some day, I won't be pregnant and I can get on birth control! You let me know what happens with your appointment and I'll be sure to fill you in on the outcome of mine...

[Young1]

WEll Faith,

I just got back from the appointment. I rescheduled it early this morning to see if I could have it today instead of tomorrow because i had something I had to do tomorrow and I found out two things...

IT's definitely a girl and I'm due May 27th !!!!

I'm so excited and I hope everything goes good at your appointment and can get the answers you want. Thanks for writing back !

WB again soon and I'll pray that everything will come out just out how you want and need it too!

Allyson

 

P.s. BTW I talked to my ex boyfriends new girlfriend and SHE IS PREGNANT TOO! OH and ALso she's my best friend oh and another thing It's his too .... SHe told me on the way to my doctors appointment... She has a doctors appointment friday To find out what it is and when she is due.....Boy am i'm very P.O.ed. Now he has two kids and they will be half siblings.... SHe must be as far as me to be able to know if she is already having a appointment to see what it is... but we as of today are not on speaking terms...

ANy advice is well needed for this...Thanks

 

Allyson L.

[MiaLeah]

I'm 17, soon to be 18, and I found out that I was pregnant back in October. I wasn't happy at all. I wanted to find people who had been in the same experience, but all I could find was forums consisting of a bunch of 15-16 yr olds who who so excited about their pregnancies and showing off pictues, etc. I don't understand why these people act as if it's no big deal. I know it's a life and that's a good thing, but these girls act as if nothing's wrong about the situation. I'm ashamed to be 17 and pregnant. These girls flaunt it proudly. I don't understand and I doubt I ever will. Half of them are liars though. Sorry, Young, but your story is a bit hard to believe at the end. I mean, you're pregnant, your best friend is pregnant and the father of both just so happens to be your ex boyfriend. I know it's possible, but I've heard so many people say the same story that I don't know what to believe. I don't mean to be rude though. If you want somebody to talk to who is in a similar situation, you can pm me anytime; I'd really like to talk to you. I'm due in May too btw.

[ShySoul]

havefaith - Hopefully you won't be pregnant since you don't want that right now. However, if you are then you have options and can talk it over with your doctor. Do what is right for you. You'll make it through. If you aren't, use this to remind yourself in the future of the need for protection and to be more aware of the consequences of your actions. Best of luck and let us know how it turns out.

 

Allyson - Congratulations on having a baby girl! My sister was born on May 27th, so thats a good day to be having a baby if you ask me.

 

If your ex boyfriend got both of you pregnant, then he sounds like the one you should be mad at. He's also in a lot of trouble. He's got two kids that he would need to be responsible for and should help take care of, and he is in no position to do it. I'm sorry that happened.

 

However, don't let that affect how you deal with your child. You can make it through and I have faith that you will do everything you can for the child.

 

MiaLeah - I don't understand the people who would make up a story like that just to get a thrill. It is a serious matter and not something to be joking about. I also agree with you that they shouldn't be proud of it if they aren't fully ready to handle the responsibilites. If they think its all fun and games, if its cool to be a mom that soon, then they are in for a shock.

 

But I also don't think its something to be ashamed about. Having a child is a wonderful thing. Yes, you will have to make sacrifices and you may not be able to give that baby everything you want, but the feeling of having that new born around you, that connection you share... its something to be proud of. It might have been wiser to wait until you were more ready, but things don't always go as planned. Have to make the most of what does happen. Love that baby and give her what you can. Don't feel bad about yourself or ashamed, if you feel that way it will show in how you act with the child and can be bad for your relationship. Best of luck in your situation.

[no_day_but_today]

If you know you have people to support you then go on- live it up! I like the feeling of knowing that there's another life depending on you. And although Im only 16, I wanted a kid becuase I needed to feel needed... i needed the love. But i had no one to support me. I'm happy for you (and secretly jealous...)

[MiaLeah]

ShySoul- I'm not saying that it's something everyone should be ahsamed about. I'm admitting that I am. What I really want to say may be offensive or rude to some, so I can't really say it here. I, being ashamed of it, just can't understand how some could be so elated. My feelings about it have gotten a bit better lately. I still hate going places and people looking at me b/c I fear what they're thinking about me. I normally don't care what people think in regards to other things, but this is totally different. I don't want to be seen as a stupid teen who got pregnant and screwed up her life. It's a selfish sort of feeling, really. I couldn't even face the doctor until I was 2.5 months along. I had enough credits to graduate, so my school suggested a take the option to graduate earlier in January. That was the worst experience, sitting in there with all my teachers staring at me as I told them I was pregnant. I come from a wealthy family as well, so I know my parents are ashamed.

[MiaLeah]

If you know you have people to support you then go on- live it up! I like the feeling of knowing that there's another life depending on you. And although Im only 16, I wanted a kid becuase I needed to feel needed... i needed the love. But i had no one to support me. I'm happy for you (and secretly jealous...)

 

I know I just said I don't understand young girls who want babies, but I do understand the feeling of being wanted. I've always been spoiled rotten with attention, looked up to, needed by some. I've never really felt the need to be wanted in that way really, but I've heard of tons of girls who simply want to feel wanted. Don't be jealous of any of us, though. You should go out and make the best life for YOURSELF that you can. It;s unfair and selfish to want a child just for yourself to feel needed. Wait until you can provide a great life for that child.

[ShySoul]

MiaLeah - I know you didn't mean for it to sound like everyone should be ashamed. I wasn't trying to say you were. I was trying to get you to see you don't have to be ashamed.

 

Are you comfortable sharing any of the details? That could help figure out why you are so ashamed. Is it because of your family, thinking you've disappointed them? Do you live some place where that kind of thing is looked down upon? Have problems with self esteem so that you think everyone is judging you and that its going to cause you more problems that you don't want to handle? I'm not accusing you of anything or saying any of these things apply to you. I just want to give you things to think about so you can see why you are ashamed and maybe find a way to not feel that way, be more welcoming of the baby and see that there are lots of good things it will bring.

 

I almost told this story in my last post, so I think I'll tell it now. I have a friend whose mother had her before she was really ready. She was in her 20's, so its not quite the same. But it was still earlier then she wanted. She partly looked at the child as causing her to not be able to do the things she wanted to do. That strained the relationship between her and my friend to this day, because she treated her differently, like a reminder of having to go through things she didn't want to go through yet. It's really affected my friend. I just want to be sure that you are ok with having the child and don't end up like the mom, transferring those feelings of being ashamed or disappointed to the child and straining the relationship over the years.

[Young1]

Thanks all and yeah I understand that you want one i did to and thats what I got... I do have the support and love i will need to have this child.

 

and my Dear Mialeah,

You have serverly make a very emotional and hormonel pregnant teen very p.o.ed .... I'm not making anything up... sorry for you your not ready to be a mom but accept it like i did. I havent told my experience just for thrills or kicks... It really has happeneded... and it is very serious!

Im sorry for all the lies you have heard from others and I'm sorry you are in a postition you dont want to be in but that does not mean take it out on me! OK? YOu get that? Yes i'm proud to be a mom-to-be because i except the responsibility of my actions apparently unlike you...

I dont mean to be harsh but I cant take this from any more people... I hear things like this enough and I will pm you...Congrats on having a baby though... L8er

Allyson L.

[MiaLeah]

I'll tell you a bit about it. For starters, I'm dating a 33 yr old guy. My parents weren't happy at first, but he's not some creep or anything. He's a friend of my older brother's and I've always kind of hung out with his friends and with older people in general. Anyway, I promised them I wouldn't have sex with him. When they asked, I told them no. I know I should have felt bad about lying to them in the first place, but now that they know I was lying, I feel as if they don't trust me at all and as if they're always looking down on me. We're pretty wealthy and my parents are friends with a lot of wealthy people in the area. I'm seen as this black mark, even though everyone else's children aren't angels. I had school plans to study in England and scholarships and then this happened and ruined it. The worst part about that is that my parents were more concerned about how they would tell everyone I was no longer going away to college and all that...they didn't really take time to support me at all. It's changed now, but I still havn't forgotten about the way they acted towards me for a good three weeks or so. I could really care less about what the people at school think about me b/c I wasn't friends with many of them anyway. I was considered gifted by my teachers though and once I had to have a meeting with the whole administration, they treated me as if all the worth and potential I ad was basically worthless now. I just think of teen parents as something else, not me. I know that's stupid, but I do. I fear others see me just as another irresponsible teen. Finally, I also feel bad that my boyfriend has to deal with this b/c he's telling me I shouldn't stay here for school and that I should do what I want, regardless of the baby. He's offered to go with me, but I don't want to make him leave everything he has here. He's got a job at a magazine here and it's not like he could just move and find a job of the same level. I know he should have to take responsibility too, but I'd feel so bad making him give up everything.

 

I honestly fear I will turn out like your friend's mom. I can't even get my head around the fact that I'll actually have a child to take care of, let alone how I will act towards it. I'm not even good with children! I didn't even want kids!

 

 

And Young1, I said I was sorry if you weren't making it up. Just search around for yourself on some forums out there and you'll see what I mean though. Congrats on accepting it so easily. I've accepted it, I'm just not pretending like perfectly fine with me, b/c it isn't.

[Young1]

I so sorry MiaLeah I understand.. I had good even great plans to be a Very successful Veternarian until I found out I was pregnant... I'm just like i said very emotional and all this going on with my ex boyfriend and my friend and people saying this and that it gets tiring you know? I'm going to be a mom soon and now that is i need to be left alone about it because its already happened and i cant do anything about it except like what other people have said just be happy and take care of the baby. Im secrectly scared to death though. Thought like will she be healthy, will she llike me ... all the typical things to worry about. WE have money and I have althe support she'll need so i really dont need to be worried but i am. And i understand your goin through a tough time too... I'm so sorry though... Your problems are just as important as mine even acctually more because you had scholarships and everything. I was going to I know have some scholorship for being a Straight Student and now i've blown it all. But its my fault. I was taught at a young age to not have sex until i was married but I guess i was just not listening good enough and GOd i hope my baby girl will never do this to her self because truthfully its one of the hardest things I've ever done. And i admit it.

 

But anyway we cool? ok anyway what are you having do you know yet, MiaLeah?

Post back all! Thanks MIa LEah, Faith, and the rest!

[MiaLeah]

I'm not sure what I'm having yet. We want to keep is a surprise, but latley some complications have been happening, so we'll probably end up finding out soon.

[Multiple Madness]

I believe the same a Happy Mom makes a calm, happy adjusted baby. You are not the first girl this has happened to and raising a child at your age while being really difficult is not impossible. The key is realizing and accepting the advice of your mom and aunt for they are there to help you and you are still young and need guidance yourself. I'm about to be 30 and need it sometimes but the key is realizing you need help and taking it. You can still finish high school, go to college and give yourself and your baby the life you want to have but your are just going to have to work harder at it since you are young and you are a mom first. That's what happens as soon as that little person is placed in our arms we are Mom first and everything else second but everything else still needs to get done. I felt I was to young and not ready at 25 with my first pregnancy then got surprised with it was twins truly not ready but I've worked hard and they're 3 and have a 1 year old brother. My prayers are with you and if your happy you can accomplish anything just remember that.

[Young1]

Thanks So much for that ... IT really means alot to me to hear that exspecially from someone who has kids. I cant think of anything to say but thank you!

[FairyQueen24]

SO your pregnant too... Well YOung1 or Allyson I see your situtation somewhat resembling my own. But different... I'm glad your happy about being pregnant and I hope for the best with your pregnancy. What are you going to name her?

[TheSmilingTurnip]

I dont find this hard to believe. My sister's babydaddy left her when she was 3 mos along and proceeded to impregnate her best friend. So now my niece has got a brother who's 6 months younger than she is.

 

I'm glad that you're taking lemons and making lemonade.

[hosswhispra]

Hello Young1,

 

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't accomplish something that you really want and desire with all your heart. Although you are very young, I sense you have an incredible inner strength---your faith gives me strength! Thanks for that. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

hosswhispra

[Hope75]

MiaLeah,

 

Are you planning to keep your baby?

 

Adoption is not a dirty word, if you feel you do not want children and are not prepared to care for your baby.

 

My best friend got pregnant at a young age and was in a bad place. Her son's father left her and she suffered severe postpartum, had no job, and little outside support, including from her family.

 

She gave her son up in an open adoption. She still sees him often, (he'll be 11 next week) and he's thriving.

 

I'm not going to lie to you- it's been very hard emotionally on her to have given up her son, even more so because she still sees him and wants to be his mom but she wasn't in the right place when she had him.

 

BUT.... her son is doing the best he possibly can because she made a selfless decision to give him a better life than she knew she could provide.

 

Just some food for thought.

[MiaLeah]

Well, the adoption issue is still being debated. My parents say that it's ok if I want to keep the baby, but they'd like me to give it up for adoption. My situation is a little complicated. I have a spot at a school that's nowheer near my home and my parents really want me to go (not b/c it's far away, but b/c it's a good college). They don't think I will be able to move that far away, be by myself, raise a child, and go to school. I doubt I could either. My boyfriend is 33 and has a really great job with a magazine located here, but he's offered to move with me if I really want him to. He doesn't trust me to be able to take care of a child either. I don't want him to have to quit his job b/c he's too successful and worked too hard for it. I know he should take responsibility, but I don't think that means he should have to give up that much of himself. I could always go to a school around here, my parents made me apply against my will. I want to keep the baby even though I'm terrified of raising it. I have to decide asap though. It's just, I can't imagine giving my baby that I carried for 9 months away to somebody. Then, as you mentioned, your friend made a selfless decision when she gave her child up for adoption. I wonder if by keeping my baby I'm being selfish.

[Young1]

OMG mialeah it's not being selfish if you want to keep your baby like you said you carried it for nine months so why not keep a baby that is your own flesh and blood! But it is your decision! Just some words of advice from a friend!

Allyson

[MiaLeah]

It could be selfish. I have the means to take care of it, but there are so many couples who want a child so badly and would probably be able to take care of it better.

[ShySoul]

It's not selfish to want to keep the child for yourself. Giving up your child like that is a difficult thing for a mother to do. Maybe find someone nearby where you are going to be (where you are know or at the school, whichever you want) who wants to adopt, so you can visit as often as you want. Giving the child up for adoption doesn't mean you have to cut contact and not see her.

[melrich]

MiaLeah,

 

If you are not 100% positive you want to adopt the baby out then don't.

 

I understand that having this baby causes you some difficulties and maybe it interrupts/delays your education but trust me, if you give up the baby for adoption without absolutley wanting to, it will have a far bigger impact on your life than delaying your education etc.

 

This really is a situation where you have to take an honest look into your heart and work out what YOU want..not your parents, not their friends, not your teachers...you have to do what you want to do or live with consequences that you will really not understand until you look into the face of your child.

[MiaLeah]

I know I don't want to give the baby up for adoption. If it was solely up to me, I would keep it. The thing is, I'm not 100% sure I want to keep it either. I feel the same thing applies for that as well. This is all I think about. I mean, what if I'm not ready and I won't give this child as good a life as it could have?

 

Oh, and I just couldn't do an open adoption. I wouldn't want contact with the child, being able to see him or her, knowing they were calling somebody else their mother.

[ShySoul]

I don't know if you can be 100% sure either way. There is always going to be doubts in your mind. There is always the chance that in the future you will regret your decision. There is also the chance you will realize you made the right decision. It's a tough spot to be in. Follow your heart, and do what you think you need to do, even if you aren't perfectly sure.

 

It sounds to me like you really do want to keep it, but you are worried about what could happen and if you will disappoint it by not giving her the best life she can have. I think that you would give her the best life you can give her, even if she doesn't have everything you wish she could have. But the one thing that she will have is your love. And that can make up for a lack of materially items. It may make things harder and delay your education. But you'll make it through and that child will be happy and well off.