Why do I lose my cool??

[Princess18]

Help this is killing me! I cant be myself around the guy i like because i just turn into some sort of fumbling idiot. Im quite a confident person and usually dont have any problems making conversation but when he's around I just dont say anything at all! Its horrible because i want him to know the real me- and get to like me. I dont just want to be the "quiet girl." I literally feel like an idiot when i say anything and go bright red. I'll talk to people i dont know- and even sing in public when im happy but when he comes on the scene i immeadiately change and turn into some shy fool who cant even talk to her friends. I sit on my dinner break with him sometimes and i go through stuff in my head i could say then just leave it so we literally just ignore eachother.

 

Are there any solutions out there?

[Jetta]

You know I'm exactly the same way. I wish I knew how to overcome it. Probably why the guys listen in on conversations with others rather than speak to me directly. If I don't like a guy I can talk to him no problem, then he thinks I like him. Hopefully someone has some real suggestions.

[Relationship Coach]

Fear, fear of rejection and of saying something which will either be misstated or misunderstood. Very common. Read Conversational Magic, it addresses several phobias as related to speaking to large groups or to someone of interest.

[rionmccloud]

The only solution is to accept that this is how it is. You're not the first, only, or last to be this way. Personally, I think it's cute when girls are a little clutzy.

 

Could always just force yourself. If you do something once it only gets easier from there. You have to take that initial leap before you discover if you can soar or not.

[ShySoul]

Good advice rion. You have to just accept that sometimes you will get shy around people. There is nothing wrong with it and nothing to be ashamed about. In worrying about it so much you put extra pressure on yourself to say something the next time. You become so worried with trying to fix the problem, that it makes the problem worse.

 

The other thing is to stop thinking. What you are doing is worrying about the future, what could happen. You are thinking about how you might say something wrong, how they might laugh at you. But all of these things are "what ifs" and theres no way of knowing it. Instead, live in the moment. Just say what's on your mind when you think of it. Don't overthink, don't hesitate... just do.

[smallworld]

Hey Princess, I'm shy too but I find it helps to start small. Just focus on saying "Hi" to him the next few times and nothing more. Once you get comfortable with that, start improvising and ask him how he's been etc. And if it helps, come up with a list of topics and things you might have in common ahead of time. Don't worry about the big picture. Just focus on getting to know him and having fun. Good luck!

[Belle]

Princess,

 

I don't think you have to accept that at the young age of 19 you are always going to be shy and afraid to be yourself in front of people. You can start practicing your social skills on him. If he isn't interested, there will be a lot more. You don't have to spend the rest of your life being a wallflower, afraid of your own shadow, ridicule or alienation.

 

If you practice talking to people, about anything, anywhere, you will build confidence. I think inside shy people is an extrovert waiting to get out. Maybe that's just because I was shy and I'm extroverted now.

 

I worked for at least a decade on this and now I can pretty much talk to anyone. I can even talk to guys I like with a bit more effort.

 

You aren't experiencing anything that a lot of other people haven't already been through.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

 

ps I sing opera in public too.

[Princess18]

HA HA this is so funny because im not shy at all!! With no-one but him! Im actually quite loud! He invited me to his house last night though and we got on ok. I managed to speak to him. I relax after a few minutes chatting! Guess im just paranoid about saying the right things so he has a good impression of me!

 

Thanks every1 for your advice

[ShySoul]

No matter how outgoing and talkative you may be, there always seems to be that one person who you get shy around, makes you go weak in the knees. You like them so much that you can't help but be nervous and afriad of what could happen. But try to start small. Don't worry about what could happen, focus on what is happening. You can do it. Best of luck and happy holidays.