New guy, old baggage. Help; please. :-)

[MayMay]

A couple years ago; I had a 4 yr relationship with a guy I thought was "the one". He ended up leaving me for a 18 yr old girl (I'm 37; he was 35). I was devastated. I posted a lot on here; and got a lot of help. After spending the last year ALONE; and working on some issues; and moving to a different state, and feeling much much better, a miracle happened.

 

I met a wonderful guy. He's my age, handsome, creative, and apparently sincere about wanting to spend time with me. He says the right things, calls, sends email and voice mail. He has a job where he has to travel 45 weeks out of the year; and he basically lives in his car and in hotel rooms. We've known each other for 2 months, and he's driven over 1600 miles, THREE times, round-trip, to spend a couple days with me each time. He said on the phone tonight that we are having a "storybook" romance, and I am the "most brilliant and interesting" thing that has ever happened to him.

 

So, * * *, right?

 

I am PLAGUED with insecurities. I cannot enjoy the relationship because I am afraid he will leave me any minute. He's an entertainer, onstage 3 or 4 nights a week, and I can't stop thinking about the girls girls girls in the audience. I do NOT want to behave like this; and I certainly don't want to spit on my happiness; I am trying to take it one day at a time and not worry about the future of it, since it is so new. I KNOW all these things, and have managed to keep it pretty much in check, but oh my god, if anyone has any suggestions on how to lose this baggage, I would sure love to hear it. If I don't learn how to deal with myself; I will never be able to have a fullfilling relationship again.

 

So that's my story.

 

Help.

[pineapple_juice]

This guy sounds like Scott Peterson. A travelling successful man, a handsome wealthy man, a storybook romance based on a few brief encounters, who "saves" a poor woman hurt by a previous relationship.

 

The point is that this guy may have a wife and kids and only sees women while travelling...I wouldn't worry about you, as much as I worry about him...travelling men are often cheaters. Find out as much as you can about this guy before you go further in your relationship.

[annie24]

This guy sounds like Scott Peterson. A travelling successful man, a handsome wealthy man, a storybook romance based on a few brief encounters, who "saves" a poor woman hurt by a previous relationship.

 

The point is that this guy may have a wife and kids and only sees women while travelling...I wouldn't worry about you, as much as I worry about him...travelling men are often cheaters. Find out as much as you can about this guy before you go further in your relationship.

 

DITTO!!!!

 

Men like that always have an easy out. They can disappear from a relationship for weeks on end, and then suddenly "pop back" once their "gig gets postponed" or whatever.

 

I think if you are looking for a fulfilling relationship, he's the WORST possible man you can go for. Let your insecurities be your guide.

[Msnak]

I don't think we should stereotype people--in this case, him being an entertainer doesn't mean he's an awful person when he's not in "please the crowd" mode.

 

Insecurities can arise from previous relationships or even our childhood experiences.

 

Sure, you should listen to your instincts, but don't let them RULE you because they might get in the way. Take it day by day and enjoy. See what happens, try to keep no expectations.

 

If you feel his behavior grows inconsistent, that should signal something. In the meantime, enjoy.

[annie24]

True - You are right. Even though he's an entertainer doesn't mean he's jerking her around.

 

You do have to get to the root of your insecurities. If you think it has to do with your ex, you should talk to a therapist to try to separate the "ex" relationship from this relationship.

 

Is he doing something specifically that makes you nervous? Is he a good bf otherwise? (apart from all the travelling?)