friends with benefits? I am a complete idiot

[blueangel]

recently, I've been fooling around with a buddy of mine and when I start kissing him, his hands start roaming. He's never gone farther than that, but lately all he wants to do is kiss me. The kisses are awesome, but we once had a friendship and I'm getting bored. We both secretly want to do more to each other but agreed it wasn't right. Still- he just wants to kiss and kiss and kiss and all he thinks about are ways to get closer to me. I cant even talk to him anymore without him basically drowling over me.

 

I honestly dont know what to do about this one. I dont think our friendship can be saved. I've really learned my lesson, but it doesn't seem to be getting through his thick head that..uh... I want him to stop.

 

I hope not all guys are this stupid. He's going back to college soon so I wont see him, but for now- I cant escape!

[blueangel]

It's actually kind of funny now that I'm thinking about it

[ShySoul]

Once you start something like that it can be hard to stop. Kissing is an emotional and intense act. It's like pringles: once you pop, you can't stop. Or Lays: bet you can't have just one.

 

Not all guys are that stupid... just most of them.

 

Seriously, that's the down sides to friends with benefits. You have to be very clear of the boundaries, always keep them in mind, and not let the benefits side take over the friendship side. It is a hard thing to do and even when you are trying your best it can still not work. Perhaps if you have time apart when he is at school then things can cool down and eventually get back to a normal friendship?

[lunatic]

I hope not all guys are this stupid. He's going back to college soon so I wont see him, but for now- I cant escape!

 

Whoa hold the horses. How old is this man? If your telling the truth about your age then he could get into a world of trouble if this gets out.

 

The easiest thing to do to get him to stop is to... TELL HIM TO STOP!!!

[blueangel]

uhh...18? heh... he WAS 17 when we started... and okay, yeah, I guess that doesnt matter now.

 

I've fallen in a stupid trap that I helped set up. I just wish I could really get him to realize how much I dont want this- though something tells me he doesnt want to hear it. His lust prevents our friendship to be saved and thereforeeee I'm going to have to eventually do something I'll hate: cut him off completely.

[blueangel]

But then again, he is pretty sexy....

 

No, Sarah! Bad Sarah! self

[darkblue]

Lol.

 

I'm sorry to say, you probably will have to cut all ties.

You say that all he wants to do, is get closer to you, kissing, etc.

 

Do you think he cares about you beyond anything physical?

[blueangel]

He did once.

 

But, no. He's too distracted. lol

[Indirect]

Let's be honest: He is a horny guy and you have a v*****, that's what you guys have in common. I can hardly think of a college guy having much in common with a 15-year-old. I am not going to talk about what or what not you should do--but I would say this: If you are uncomfortable with continuing your activities with him, you must stop. If you don't, it may well develop into something more serious now or later on, emotionally and psychologically. I know you like the attention you are receiving from the opposite sex, but this is not the way to a healthy relationship.

[ShySoul]

For someone with the name indirect, you sure are very direct.

 

Sarah, don't give into temptation. It's hard, isn't it? It feels so good and you want it so much. But if you are uncomfortable, then you have to listen to yourself and do what you know needs to be done.

[blueangel]

lol dont worry, ShySoul, I have now. He's outta here. I think I was going to do that no matter what.

 

and we did have stuff in common! we both had similar childhood situations. You know... he used to gently show me how to kiss. NOw he's all GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!

 

ahh!

[darkblue]

LOL.

It's a shame that the friendship had to end - but that, had to end.

[blueangel]

Yes, yes it did.

[doomed_one]

wow I'm 18.. can't imagine myself with a 15 yr old... n/o it would be too weird o.O But aside that, I had a similar situation actually.... but the friends with benefits really doesnt work if its vague. I thought it would be cool... but reallyl boundries set em and set em good or both parties end off getting hurt

 

Good that he's gone

 

~d1

[blueangel]

doomed_one, are you really doomed?

[ShySoul]

No such thing as friends with benefits, even if you do set boundaries. Too much emotion and feelings involved. The benefits tend to overcrowd the friends part and play with people's minds leading to disagreements and hurt feelings.

[darkblue]

I think FWB defeats the purpose and contradicts the principle of being 'friends'.

[blueangel]

I cant help it! I love boy toys. I'm wild and need someone willing to be one while still being open to other options! I just love giving people experiences and knock their world upside down!

 

or...uh... maybe just a little bit over affectionate?

 

(lol did I say too much there?)

[blueangel]

But I have ended that stuff. I am saving that person for someone I love and so I will build my character for them as well for someday. They will be a...uh... very very happy person.

 

I'm picky when it comes to the opposite sex, but when I'm commited, it's almost like I need nothing else. It gets that close because I share with them everything. That's really, in the end, all I want.

[novaseeker]

Well, perhaps, blueangel, but by behaving this way you're making it harder to be friends as well as lovers. FWB is a very emotionally dicey situation, istm, for numerous reasons, the most important being that it teaches people to separate emotional attachment from sex, which in my opinion is very unfortunate. I think you'd be better off cultivating friendships, on the one hand, and looking for a BF, on the other hand, with whom you have an emotional connection and the sex can flow from the emotional connection ... it's just better that way, imo.

[blueangel]

Yes, I have come to that. I had to learn it for myself but I did. Although, I think, I already always knew that. You cant substitute pleasure for love because it is nothing without that.

[ShySoul]

You cant substitute pleasure for love because it is nothing without that.

 

So true. Good that you see that, even if you needed to take a walk on the wildside for awhile.

 

They will be a...uh... very very happy person.

 

I bet they will.

[poke]

Sounds like your on the right track blueangel, but don't be too hard on yourself. I remember what it was like to be a teenager, and learning boundaries like this is a healthy part of growing up.

[blueangel]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. eyes smiles