Depression after finding out his Infidelity

[SLMitchell918]

I am having problems with everything that has happened in my life and dealing with it. I could say 'hey go get on some anti depressants" but since I am 34 weeks pregnant, thats just not possible.

 

I am still trying to deal with my husbands cheating. Hes been great to me and has been trying to make it better but I just can't stop dwelling on everything that has happened. It seems like something with trigger my memory of things thats been said or done. Will it ever go away?

 

He keeps making comments about me looking sad or depressed. I honestly am trying to look happy but its been almost a month since i found out and I am doing alittle better but I really feel drepressed. I can't really get excited over expecting my little girl in a few weeks. Whats wrong with me?

 

I have dreams every night about this crap and if I'm not dreaming - I'm wide awake thinking about it. I can't get a wink of decent sleep anymore. You would think that since my husband is remorseful and wants to be with me, I would be happy to attempt to work on things but this feeling sad and drepressed is truly holding me back. He's been telling me that he loves me, hes getting excitied about Savannah coming, kissing my belly, joking around trying to cheer me up but the hurt is still there. Maybe not as strong as it was orginally but its still there and its still pretty strong. His mom made it clear that if he continued or ever did it again that he would lose a mom also because its so wrong. Its' really made him realize how awful hes been. He's said that he would have never done anything with her ( we will never know but I dont believe that) and that he never meant to hurt me . He just wasn't thinking at all. Those reasons just don't seem good enough to me for some reason.

 

I'm tired of feeling like a fool :splat: & all i want is to get over this. Is it normal to feel depressed and sad still?

[Dannysgirl]

Of course its normal to still feel depressed you have been betrayed by somebody who claims to love you, who's baby you are having and whom you love its only natural that you are sad and depressed. You need to explain to him that despite his remorse its going to take a long time for you to 'get over it' if you ever do. You have every right to be sad and he's going to have to be patient and do everything in his power to earn your trust back but its going to be a very long process.

[lady00]

Dannysgirl is right on. I think it's to be expected. Pregnancy is stressful enough...it's hard on the mind and the body. The added stress and pain of hearing of infidelity would make most people depressed. It's only been a month since you found out...that's not enough time to just "get over it" and if your husband or anyone else expects you to just be all bright and smiley, then they are fooling themselves. He hurt you bigtime, and it's okay to be upset about it. It would be odd if you weren't. And his excuses for doing it or his apologies can't make the hurt go away. I would suggest that you two might seek couples' therapy. Healing from infidelity isn't easy...you can't just turn on a happy switch. I think it's worth it to seek help in figuring out how to deal with it emotionally. Good luck!

[shes2smart]

While it might not be possible for you to take anti-depressants right now, you can still seek out some counseling.

 

Being able to talk about it will help you sort through it quicker and more effectively than just trying to sweep it under the rug and pretend everything's back to normal.

 

If I read your post right, it hasn't even been a month since you found out. Of course you're still going to be upset about it. It's not like finding out he forgot to pick up something at the store on the way home. You are talking about an event that will shake even the strongest relationship to its very core, and an event that not all relationships surivive.

 

I don't care how contrite he is about what he did, unless you both address the reasons why he cheated in the first place, you're not solving the problem. If he doesn't know why he did it, I don't think he can realistically assure you it won't happen again.

 

You will need to sort through your feelings of sadness and betrayal before you can repair the relationship. This can be done most constructively and quickly with the help of a competent therapist. See if you can find someone whose speciality is brief, results-oriented therapy (you can ask when you're calling for an appointment, if they don't focus on that type of therapy, don't make an appointment). It would probably be helpful if he would join you for some of those sessions.

[BellaDonna]

Hes been great to me and has been trying to make it better but I just can't stop dwelling on everything that has happened. It seems like something with trigger my memory of things thats been said or done. Will it ever go away?

 

He keeps making comments about me looking sad or depressed. I honestly am trying to look happy but its been almost a month since i found out and I am doing alittle better but I really feel drepressed. I can't really get excited over expecting my little girl in a few weeks. Whats wrong with me?

 

 

Nothing is wrong with you. Your feelings are completely normal and to be expected after what you've been through. Your husband has to realize that even though he is being "good" now- that doesn't take the pain and heartache away. You're not going to be (nor should you have to be) superwoman. These things take time. He hurt you deeply and he should be lucky you're giving him another chance. Anyone would be devasatated- but I'd imagine that being pregnant adds even more stress to the situation because you're trying to prepare for the new baby, and don't need such a headache in your marriage. His timing really couldn't have been worse. I am glad he is trying to reconcile and re-commit, but that still doesn't mean you are istantly healed. I agree with shes2smart, counseling would probably be a good idea. This is a lot to take on your own,

 

 

BellaDonna

[SLMitchell918]

Im not sure why guys cheat on women that are pregnant? The thing is, it was an emotional affair/ and wasn't sexual. I really don't think he loved this girl but who really knows? I would like a guys point of view on cheating on his pregnant wife. I've heard about several guys. So sad! Pregnancy is so hard. More so now that I am getting close to 9 months.