slept in bed with another girl

[temptazn]

been going out with my boyfriend for almost two years. hes never cheated and hes always honest with me-told me how he danced with a chick and he touched her * * * * and now that he knows that i dont like that he did that he doesnt do it anymore. so anyyway, hes friends with this girl called *gail and shes a kool chick. im kind of mates with her too. her guy mates girlfriends hav always been worried about her being around their boyfriends but i kno she wouldnt go there with them coz shes just too nice. on saturday night my boyfriend went clubbing with his friends and drank too much so he couldnt drive home. she was in town and sober so she drove him and his mates home. his two mates slept on the couch and my boyfriend didnt think anything of it and shared a bed with gail.he told me the next day and i jus broke down. stuff like this has happened with an ex but he slept in the same bed with my best friend and they said nothing happened but i found out two years later thay both had sex. its like its happening all over again. abi has a friend which slept in the same bed with another guy who had a girlfriend. at first it was innocent but he ended up cheating on his girlfriend with her later on. my boyfriend told me they both slept on the opposite edges of the bed, nowhere near touching and nothin happened. ive heard it all before. should i trust him? it was so upsettng but i did not want to be upset with him for too long coz im going overseas in a few days and i dont like leaving things in the air. but how do i show him that im still upset? he knows i am but i dont think he knows how serious it is.we;ve talked abt it and everything but i didnt forgive but i hav forgotten for now coz i want my last few days here with him to be fun not sad. any comments?

[DN]

Before you decide whether to forgive him or not - make sure that there is something to forgive. He may understand why you are upset but he at the same time he may resent the fact that you don't trust him and are essentially accusing him of lying.

 

Remember that he is not your ex - he is his own person. He may have used bad judgment when he was drunk - but that doesn't mean he cheated on you.

[miracle29]

Is it ok for you to sleep in the bed with other men? I doubt it! Nothing may have even occurred but its more of the principal here than anything else. You need to decide if these double standards are something you can tollerate.

[SuperDuper]

My advice, bite the bullet and trust him.

 

If you don't, and he's innocent.. then that only makes you look bad, and him seem guilty.

Trust him until he gives you a concrete reason not to. What tells me that he didn't do anything with her is that he was up front with you, and told you first, as if he had nothing to hide.

 

Trust him, and get on with your relationship. Let him know you'd appreciate it if he would avoid instances like this in the future, and i'm sure he would comply.

[TheLegend]

Also, he's the one who told you that he slept in the same bed with her.. I would trust him he sounds like he respects you & expects you to trust him..

[temptazn]

thanx to all of you for ur responses.

[theantibarbie23]

This reminds me of a story. When I was around your age, I slept over my best friend's house alot and one night my best friend was feeling a little sick and ended up falling asleep on the couch during a movie. I couldn't wake her up and after a few hours I ended up so tired that I just went to sleep in her bed.

 

I really hadn't given it any thought but her boyfriend was living there too and happened to come home drunk (from a bachlor party) to a dark house and I'm sure assumed that it was my best friend in the bed and well, that's what my friend saw when she got up the next day.

 

Thank god she knew me well enough to know the whole thing was an accident and nothing happened.

[ComputerGuy]

Id say trust him - I've fgone to bed in the same bed with my best friend in Darwin who is female, and also in the same bed as just an aquaintance purely cause it was a conveniant place to sleep. There was nothng in it, nothing sinister - I just wanted a place to sleep cause I was out.

[Cecelius]

I would perhaps chalk this one up to bad drunk judgment, BUT make it clear that you think this is not appropriate (if you think that -- I do) and is not to happen again while you are around.

[OceanEyes]

I don't know about this one ...

 

I have slept in the same bed as male friends, but have to say that they pulled moves on me every time. The only guy who didn't was my childhood best friend of like 6 years.

 

The hope that I see in this situation is that he told you. Did he have to tell you for some reason? Probably not.

[ComputerGuy]

It depends on the guy and the situation - if it is just a conveniant place to crash, then I doubt there is anything more to it. While a lot of guys may try stuff on, it's a case of how much do you trust him?

[darkblue]

If he told you that he slept in the same bed as this girl - at least he is honest.

If you found out from somewhere else, it's suspicious.

[Danny H]

I have slept in bed with femail friends after a drunken night out, and there has been no intentions on any side, and no problems.

 

I Know if you are in a relationship it is not ideal, but it can be innocent.

I would guess that if something happened he would actually be telling you a convoluted tale about how he slept on the couch and doesn't remember much.

 

Best to trust him on this one, and explain how it makes you feel, hopefully he won't do anything like that again.

[mariergn]

I am sorry but this is not on. I am a woman of experience with men and I am a Nurse as well as a counsellor myself. Men have a very high sex drive due to a large hypothalmus with alot of testosterone going through it. I hate to say it but 90% of them would take it if they could and in bed with someone is definatly being handed to him on a plate. I would quiz the girl as well if you can ....

Be careful here

sorry if i sound harsh

[darkblue]

marierqn, that is a generalization of the male species... Careful.

Some men have 'self-control' and can separate their mind from their testosterone

[yeawutever]

So, if almost every guy was like u say it mariergy then we would end up with nothing but cheaters and every girl would wind up with diseases, isn't that being way too general and ur putting them all in one bag!!!!!1

[mariergn]

ok - maybe that is a bit harsh!!! I think I have been reading way to many self healp books of late But I have to say to watch the behavior of the guy as I think she mentioned he had been unfaithful before...

[OceanEyes]

ok - maybe that is a bit harsh!!! I think I have been reading way to many self healp books of late

 

Yeah, I decided after the first one that I'd never pick up another one. It's amazing how that kind of text can get into your head and change your views on things subconsciously.

 

I think that, to some degree, many men are motivated by sex. However, in my experience, most are actually intelligent and socially evolved enough to know better.

 

In this situation, I would worry though. A guy with a record of philandering or sniffing around for other things outside of his relationship should always have his motives called into question. It's the price we pay for making bad decisions unfortunately.

[mariergn]

Hi Oceaneyes -

see my new thread in the relationship section on the book of Rules - now that is a real head wrecker!!!

[NoComply]

to be honest, i dont get the feeling that he did do anything.

if he was too drunk to drive, so pretty drunk sort of thing , he probobly just fell asleep once he hit the bed.

i know i do, once drunk, get me 2 my bed and ill be asleep within a minute if im totally wasted.

 

he told you about the girls **** incident, so i think he would have told you if anything happened in the bed. she was sober, 2 friends were sober on the couch... she wouldnt have tried anything there even if she wanted to.

 

she would have been caught.. drunk ppl aint guna keep quite lol

 

so i say dont worry about it. nothing probobly happened

[temptazn]

"she was sober, 2 friends were sober on the couch... "

 

they went bak to his house, drank some more,and she joined in so they were all drunk.. ok so im back from my trip..its stil hurtn me.i bring it up all the time but hes really understandn about it and always reassures me nothing happened.i believe him. but if she was a friend to me then why would she do that? shes more of a friend to him than to me but she did text me on my birthday. i texted her telling her i wanted to meet up in talk about something (which is the whole sleeping in the bed incident) but am i blowing everything out of proportion?

[Huntsman]

there is no way to know if he slept with her from you data.

but you must not practise transference from past traumas, do not focus onto him, or make him involved with, traumas from the past.

if you want him to be faithful while you are away, focus on discovering new sexual adventures now, and send him erotic messages every day.

[NoComply]

I am sorry but this is not on. I am a woman of experience with men and I am a Nurse as well as a counsellor myself. Men have a very high sex drive due to a large hypothalmus with alot of testosterone going through it. I hate to say it but 90% of them would take it if they could and in bed with someone is definatly being handed to him on a plate. I would quiz the girl as well if you can ....

Be careful here

sorry if i sound harsh

 

out of line!

theres this thing called a "friend".. you know, some one who is just that, and you wouldnt take things any further with.

 

its a bed, its more comfy than a floor, there drunk, they just fell asleep.

 

my ex was drunk at a party at a girls house , and i found out in the morning that she had slept in the same bed as another girl and a guy.

the guy was her best friend and i fully trusted them.

 

and it turned out that all that was done by the guy was take a permenant marker to their faces wile they were sleeping and took photo's of it [which were rather funny btw]

 

 

 

not all guys jump at the chance to take advantage of a situation, and this guy did have a large crush on my ex at the time.

like that other poster said "self control" does exist in us men aswell you know.

 

so does the whole not wanting to cheat on people thing.... which is actually abit stronger than "hormones" and statistics in your little books.

 

 

 

sorry for the harsh reply there , but i dont really appreciate people generalising us from stats in a book.