Update on Ex, he is Calling Again

[capricorn85]

Okay guys so I dont know what is going on, but for some reason my ex boyfriend has been trying to contact me. He called me a few times Tuesday then sent me and email asking for me to write back if I am okay, which I did not. Then today I got a few private calls *which was him* and a number I did not recognize called me. I thought it was someone from back home and when I called back, it was HIM and i immediately hung up. He then called me back and then sent me a text saying "yo it's not that serious. everytime i call you gonna do this. I know you got my message call me please I have to ask you something important." This is so hard, he sent me that text five minutes ago. I will not respond, but it is eating me up to know what he wants.....help guys.](*,)

 

P.S. I have changed my number twice already and I cannot change it a third time due to family issues, so that is not an option...

[annie24]

Why did you break up? What do you think this "important thing" that he needs to ask you is?

[DN]

You have to make a choice. Either ignore him and try to not wonder why he is calling or decide that you have to know and call him.

 

I would advise not calling him. If he wants to get back together then he would have to make more determined efforts to contact you than he is.

[capricorn85]

annie,

he broke up with me in september and broke my heart after a year and 1/2. He told me that he did not want to be in a relationship anymore so i told him that i need time. I've been doing NC now for almost 3 weeks. QUESTION: Is NC broken when I pick up say hello, realize it is him then hang up???

[Hope75]

No, NC is not broken when you pick up not knowing it's him and then hang up.

 

What do YOU want from him? Are you interested in trying to work things out?

 

If so, maybe you should find out what he wants. If it's not, "I'm sorry, I want you back," than tell him you don't want to hear it.

[kellbell]

If it was important, he will leave a message or try harder to see you in person instead of sending petty texts and calling from private numbers. I would just ignore him, you are just making him mad that you are staying strong and ignoring him, you have taken him out of his comfortzone. Don't fall for it. Stay strong, you are doing great.

[SuperDuper]

If it bothers you to a certain extent.. leave him a text message stating you want to know what's so important, and get on with your life.

 

Once he replies, you can see if it's worthy of taking the time to sort things out.

 

If you'd rather stick to NC, then don't do it.

 

The way I see it.. NC is definatley important in the healing process, but if you're only sticking to it, to see 'how long' you can go.. even though it's killing you and keeping you awake/uneasy all the time.. maybe you just need to find out what he wants, to get that doubt off your shoulder.

 

If you feel like you can manage without knowing what's "so important" than, leave it alone.

[capricorn85]

I have a feeling that he just wants t ospeak to me find out why I am ignoring him. I wish he would just quit it so I can move one with my life. The n when he sent that text he made me feel kind of bad because he made it seem like something was really wrong....or is this just his game?

[Lady Bugg]

Capricorn,

 

He is probably testing you. If it WERE that importat he would say so in the text. Thats my feeling. The calling from private numbers sounds juvenile.

[capricorn85]

I do not think he knows that I know it is him calling me from private. However I know it is him because this is a new number and only he does that. Lady Bugg you are right, he is being juvenile. How do i fully get over him when he does this like this?

[Lady Bugg]

Capricorn,

 

I am envious of you in a way. I would love my ex to be pursuing me like this.

How long have you been in NC? It obviously worked for you. I am feeling weak right now wanting to contact my ex.

 

As for your ex. Maybe he really loves you and really wants you back but is afraid to just come out and say it. You have to do what feels right for you, but not at the expense of your self worth or self esteem.

[capricorn85]

Lady Bugg,

 

My ex boyfriend broke up with me three months ago. I was depressed and battled with NC throughout the whole time. I messed up and sex with him twice, the last time being the day before Thanksgiving when I saw him. Afterwards he told me, "maybe I want to have my cake and eat it too." After that, I was very upset and decided to never give in to him again. I told him he lost me forever during our last conversation and I have been doing NC since then, so a little over three weeks. It is hard to see them call and not pick up. Or get an email and not respond...

 

WILL MY EX EVERY REALIZE WHAT HE LOST...I KNOW I WAS THE BEST THING THAT EVER H APPENED TO HIM.........THIS IS ROUGH AND OUR BDAYS ARE COMING UP AT THE END OF THE MONTH!

[healinginnyc81]

Wow, I feel jealous too that your ex is trying to get back with you.

I also feel like my ex and I were so good for each other and made each other better and I wish she would rediscover her love for me.

Your story is definitely giving me hope; only thing is I don't want to be building myself up for her to take me back and just be setting myself up to be needy and dependent on her again.

[Hope75]

Wow,

 

He actually said he wanted to have his cake and eat it too?

 

That's pretty selfish, I would have done what you did as well.

 

At this point do you really think all that much has changed with him?

 

I didn't know the circumstances of your breakup, but after hearing what he said to you before, it doesn't sound like he wants to try again, but just have a booty call when the mood strikes him. I suspect that isn't what you want, is it?

[kellbell]

I agree with Hope,

 

His actions are very selfish...she has asked him repeatedly to stop contacting her, she has changed her cell number twice but because he works for the cell phone carrier she has, he hacked into getting her number, that isn't love or romance, that's creepy and invasion of privacy.

 

Capicorn, try to stay strong...I know is vey hard for you but this guy doesn't respect your privacy and need to move on, and considering he broke up with you, this is unacceptable. Hang in there girl.

[capricorn85]

Thank you Kellbell!

 

And bkjsun, he has NEVER told me that he wants to get back with me. Him calling me from private and sending me a text didn't mean he wanted me back. I think he just wants to see if he has me. It is hard yes and when I get back to ny I have no intention on letting him know I'm back. It's just when he calls I start to regain a little hope I guess, but I need to let it go..Has anyone been in a similiar situation, where their ex will just continue to call but not actually say they want you?

[capricorn85]

OMG!!! My Ex just sent me this e-mail:

 

listen umm i hurd some stuff about you that i wanted to ask you about. i really wish you can be a bigger person and give me a call. i am not asking 4 us to meet or anything just a call.i know i have done something's in your mind that has hurt you and i am sorry but i dont think that its that serious that you have to hang up when you hear my voice. so i am going to be waiting to hear from you dont make me wait long ...lol bye

 

p.s pick up the phone dont think about it!

 

WHAT DO I DO, NOW I AM CURIOUS TO FIND OUT WHAT HE HEARD. IDK WHAT TO DO PLEASE HELP...

[DN]

If you must call - then call. But make it terse and to the point. "What do you want?" Don't let him drag you into a long conversation, and if it seems more or less pointless then say "Thanks for the call, but I have to go. Bye". And hang up.

[capricorn85]

I feel like if i do speak to him I will cry, because i am crying right now. He makes this so hard for me. Everytime I try to move on, he does something to slow me down. I feel like I will break down any moment and I am tired of crying. I don't know if this is a trick or what. I wish he would just leave me alone forever so I can get over him. Idk what to do anymore with myself

[DN]

Then don't call him. Shut him out of your heart and your mind and find someone who loves you in the same way that you love him.

[capricorn85]

But DN, why do you think he is doing this to me? He is putting me through this emotional roller coaster, Idk how to block him out of my life completely. I love him so much, today makes exactly 3 months since he broke up with me.

[Lady Bugg]

Capricorn....

 

He most likely hasn't heard anything about you. He is probably trying to "get your goat" and he obviously knows how. Nothing else he is doing is working so he is resorting to this juvenile behavior. You might want to turn off your phone and block his email....if he REALLY wants to talk he needs to try harder than that.

[Lady Bugg]

I forgot to add...he even said "it's not like I want to meet or anything"...so whats THAT tell you....

[DN]

I don't know why he is doing it - maybe he just likes the fact that he knows you love him and is wanting that to go on. Whatever the reason it is hurting you. Time to stop that from happening and that is something you have to do for yourself. .

[kellbell]

Hey Capicorn!!

 

So sorry you are going through this. As hard it is to understand, this man is pulling all the stops to get you to call him, it's the control factor. You are staying in control by not talking to him and now he is pressing your buttons, trying to control you. He cannot STAND the fact you have shut him off from your life and your heart. Remember he broke up with you, he wants to maintain control over you. This guy is absolutely, positively, immature. A mature MAN will walk away and leave you alone, he will show you the respect that you deserve. Please try to be strong, understand that this guy is trying to get under your skin. Please don't let him. If you contact him, he will give you a bunch of excuses, it will give him the chance for him to say all the right things and you may fall for it. No answer should be his answer. You are just not ready to confront him. Many hugs to you and hang in there.