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Update on Ex, he is Calling Again


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Lady Bugg,

He is blocked from sending me e-mail on AOL. He is blocked from IM'ing me. He sent me that message on the face book, i dont know if you've heard of it, it's like a college site. I dont think I can block email on there, and he still has my number, I feel like i'll never be able to move on...

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Hi Capricorn. I totally feel for you. My ex dumped me almost two months ago. He hurt me so bad by walking out and never contacted me. I didnt contact him either, just to keep my dignity. We had lived together and now he is living with his mom, and she is thrilled that we are not together. Anyway, last week, my cell rang, and it was him. I was so excited, but nervous, etc. I didn't pick up. He left me a message---basically saying we had some things to talk about and NO he didn't want to get back together. I never called him back and he never called me back.

 

I regret not picking it up, b/c he is stubborn and he may have tried to get back with me if we would have been talking. However, because he didn't say he loved me, missed me, wanted to get back together on the message, I just figured it was a way to mess with my head.. I don't know. I keep waiting for him to call back, b/c if he does, this time I will pick up. It may not be what I want to hear, but, at least then I will know for sure, and then I will never pick up again.

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wwj,

 

It is so rough. People tell me just move on, but noone fully understand unless they are in our situation. Some days I am strong as ever! Other days I feel real low, like today. It doesnt help because I have a 12 page paper and a final tomm morning! I wish he would love me the way I love him, but I know he probably won't. He is stubborn as well. My whole like revolved around him. I basically have no friends back home because he was my life. Pretty sad, huh? So now I am trying to spend as much time with my friends when I get back to ny. It is rough. Sometimes I wish he would just show up and tell me he messed up, but instead he tells me I am being childish and he doesnt want to see me he just wants to tell me what he heard! Grrr it is frustrating.

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Cap.

Be strong. I'm in this same situation and I do pick up every time he has called, He tells me loves me, thinks he made a mistake, all that stuff BUT theres another girl involved. She's been involved for the past year of our relationship. We were together for 5 yrs and he couldn't leave her alone. And now that we are broken up the cycle still continues. . .he tells me all of that stuff, but like this weekend he told me he was going to be with her all weekend. . .and that it's just friends. . .I have decided not to call him ever since we broke up a month ago. He always calls me or emails me. . .but it's just messing w/ my mind. You start to feel strong when you don't contact him and yes its an ego boost to hear all of that stuff. . .but it knocks you right back down when something like this (where he's w/ the other girl) happens. And you feel like you have to start all over in rebuilding yourself. You are doing the right thing by staying strong. Control is a nasty thing and makes people resort to the lowest of low things if they had control and suddenly its taken away. Trust me it does drive him crazy that you are not responding to him. . .and yes it could be b/c deep down inside its b/c he misses you and knows he messed up. .. but if you don't want to be w/ him. . then as hard as it is NC for 60 days! Even if he calls. ..NC at all. . .you shouldn't have to change your number b/c of him. . that's him controling your motions. . .just if you don't recognize the number don't answer it. If it's someone you know, they'll leave a msg. If he txt msg you erase it w/o even reading it. . .OR read it and laugh at his pathetic attempts to get you to call him back. . .that HE is losing his dignity, NOT YOU!! Hang in there and remember you do have control of yourself and what happens to you!!

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Hi capricorn

I know how you feel about your friends telling you to get over him. My friends and family HATE him. They can't even understand how I could still love him and why I can't just let it go. At least I don't call him.. Unfortunately, he only called me that one time a week ago, and I didn't pick up. I am mad at myself about that. I really wish that I would have picked it up now.

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Charliek THANK YOU so much for those words. I feel stronger now and I deleted the text he sent yesterday. I think your words will help everyone out that is in the same predicament. It is so hard when you love someone. I think my ex is with someone as well...knowing him, he probably is. He will regret this one day because no other female will treat his as good as I did. I do have control now, you are right!

 

WWJ, it is good that you did not pick up. Whenever I acknowledge my ex, I feel like I have to start all over and I get depressed because he never says he wants me back. I AM ON DAY 24 OF NC! It is hard....but I have to do it for me.

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Cap, you are doing very well.

 

Ignore ignore ignore. It is obviously irritating him and that is good!

 

You were good to him but he took you for granted and didn't value you how you deserve to be valued.

 

You WILL find somebody who loves you properly and wholeheartedly. I know cos I found one who loves me properly.

 

This guy cannot be changed by you. If he wants his cake and to eat it too then he doesn't love you in the way you deserve and that isn't good enough.

 

Don't call him, don't answer him unless he gets on his hands and knees and begs. Nothing else is good enuogh for you to respond to.

 

You are going great!

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Yes I know Cap, its hard and you will probably not be over this for at least a year.

 

But in the mean time, enjoy that YOU are the one with the power now to say "no that isn't good enough" and choose not to associate with him.

 

Make sure you start dating in order to get your mind off him and to meet some new men.

 

Everyone needs to go out with someone crappy so that when they meet a truly kind person they appreciate them even more.

 

Hopefully this is what will happen to you, as it did to me.

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Hi Cap,

 

I remember going through something similar to what you are going through.

 

This guy most probably has an eye on you because now that you are taking a stand he has a newfound respect for you and is attracted to you again. He also is trying his hardest to keep you thinking about him so that he can feel good about himself knowing that he could always go back to you and that you are pining for him etc.

 

Yes some guys are like this. They think about themselves first and don't really stop and consider that somebody else could be hurting because of their behaviour. They are hot then cold, wanting their cake and to eat it too.

 

If he REALLY wanted you back, truly, he would be saying the words that you want to hear, begging for you back.

 

But half way isn't good enough, so keep your tough stance. At least at the end of the day he will think of you as the one that got away and respect you.

 

Then find somebody nice and cuddly, that makes you feel good about yourself.

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No contact is best but if you cave in try this. I found this on a web site yesterday. I am going to try it, why not I have nothing to lose. My ex-wife is driving me nuts. No contact has worked but I always give in. She will call after a few weeks of NC crying, "I love you & miss you", but we always end up fighting over anything & everything! But as soon as you realize its a game and are strong enough to play it you can beat them especialy if they dont see that its a game. It doesnt matter if you want the game or not. If one or the other can't walk away then its game time. Wether you want them back or not try this it might work.....

 

Agree with anything your mate says or does. Put a good name on it. Agree with their negative feelings.

 

Agree with their negative feelings – whatever they are.

 

"Yes, this relationship is hopeless."

 

"Yes, you will never be able to trust me. That's exactly correct."

 

Just enthusiastically see it their way.

 

You're happy to do whatever they want. That takes the props totally out from under their hostility. You are acting secure now.

 

Do not defend yourself. You see, when one partner has a closed mind and is divorcing the other, they are in love with their negative feelings. So they put their negative feelings in charge of the door to their mind. And when you try to reason with them, you're telling them that their negative feelings are wrong. That causes their negative feelings to lock the door tighter.

 

 

Just agree, sound sincere, and shut up. Because it saves your nerves. Saves your pride. Saves your energy. And you end up getting your way, much more than arguing or rebelling or disagreeing or pressuring. They want to be hostile, they want to think that you're guilty of something that you're not, it's perfectly okay. It's not normal to not defend yourself, but it is healthy.

 

Agree with them.

 

Do not disagree at all. It's not to your advantage. It's a dumb thing to do.

 

Their negative feelings towards you will weaken rapidly, because their negative feeling needs something in you to fight with. And when you sincerely see what's on their side, when you sincerely agree with them, and when you lovingly and sincerely go one hundred percent totally, instantly, and happily your mate's way, when you do that there's nothing for their negative feeling to build on.

 

You have put the white flag up.

 

You've thrown your gun down. That forces them to do the same thing. They cannot shoot you when you have no gun. When you're not defending yourself, THEY want to defend you. See, most people don't know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person, do not defend yourself, do not explain yourself, they will defend you. They will reverse their position. When the other person is pulling away from you or wanting a divorce or wanting separation, they are almost automatically on the opposite side of any fence that they perceive you as being on.

Go with them. They will reverse their position. It breaks them down. That puts you in control, of the situation, of your feelings, of your life. Then take them back or walk away. Your choice not theirs. Winning the game doesnt mean hurting them or the last to get revenge, Its getting back yourself and moving forward, with or without them. Winning is no more pain!!!!

 

 

Act positive, whether you feel like it or not. Take care of your feelings later on, but not during the game. Not during the game! During the game, you put on a strong front.

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Thank you kingdead. My ex was a stubborn 19 year old boy so I dont know if that'll work! lol. He might end up asking me questions. Some words of advice to people of enotalone. Oprah wrote this and it is wonderful!

 

- If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

- If he doesn‘t want you, nothing can make him stay.

- Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

- Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

- Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that‘s not meant to be.

- Slower is better.

- Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

- If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can‘t "be friends". A friend wouldn‘t mistreat a friend.

- Don‘t settle.

- If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

- Don‘t stay because you think "it will get better." You‘ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

- The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

- Avoid men who‘ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn‘t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

- Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

- Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

- If something bothers you, speak up.

- Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

- You cannot change a man‘s behavior. Change comes from within.

- Don‘t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or in a better job.

- Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

- Never let a man define who you are.

- Never borrow someone else‘s man. If he cheated with you, he‘ll cheat on you.

- A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

- All men are NOT dogs.

- You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is a two way street.

- You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

- You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.

- Dating is fun... even if he doesn‘t turn out to be Mr. Right.

- Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you‘re always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

- Never move into his mother‘s house.

- Never co-sign for a man.

- Don‘t fully commit to a man who doesn‘t give you everything that you need.

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Hiya Capricorn...

 

Yeah I am dreadiing Xmas and New Years......I look forward to getting the year started on a "clean" slate. I see it as an opportunity to make new changes and to put the past behind me. The last year has been very trying anyway....so this will be a very psitive thing for me.

 

Any resolutions?

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lmao Lady Bugg! 2006 will bring better things...Lets stay positive! I am so happy because I just found out I got an A in one of my classes. This term was so hard because I stopped going to classes for a month due to the break up, but I pulled through in the end. Lets hope my other grades are good!

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