How was I so stupid?!

[sucker4ya]

Aaah...so I was reading through old im's between the two of us in the months leading to our break-up and right after it. I messed up so bad. If I would have just backed off, we would be in a much better place. One night I even asked him, does it bother you that I've been going out and having a great time without you? And he said yes, but there isn't anything I can do about it. God, he was still calling, he was still telling me he loved me and wanted to work things out....why did I have to keep PUSHING HIM?!?! I pushed him so far he's with someone else now. And I probably won't get him back...and if by some chance I do...it won't be for a long time. I just miss him so much. I really hope with space from us he will realize he cares about me still. That the grass isn't greener on the other side and that we belong together. I see so clearly everything I did to push him away, I just want him back.

[thoyneeka]

do you still have contact?

[Straightwave33]

did you break up with him?

if so, do this little excercise.....

 

make a list of annoying habits/traits of his that you know you couldn't live with for the rest of your life to remind you of why you broke up with him

 

and if he broke up with you...

 

if he was so great....why weren't you hanging out and having fun with him in the first place? why did you push him away? was he too available to you? too giving? too loving? smothering? boring? perfect? there had to be a reason.

 

this is just to get you to remember the reality of your relationship and not be focusing on your hindsight, which is always sweeter

 

you should probably analyze why it ended first before you race to get him back.

 

hope this helps and do something special for yourself (hang out with friends, good food, movie, new clothes) cause this is a lot to go through

[sucker4ya]

He broke up with me...it was kinda one of those "If you don't want this anymore, than just leave"...and he did. I never wanted it to end with us. And the reason I wasn't spending time with him was because I thought it was better to put a little distance between us. He left, he said he wanted to do his own thing, so I was trying to respect that. I was trying to be strong and show him that I was ok without him...and it was working...until I lost control and freaked out and started begging and crying and acting insane!! Then he pulled away, decided we were over and now he's in a new relationship. It wasn't even 2 months before he was in a new relationship I know he is the man I want to spend my life with...I want to work it out, and I'm just praaaaying that he will come back around one day. I miss him so much.

[sucker4ya]

do you still have contact?

 

A little bit, yea...he's distancing himself from me right now because of the new relationship and because he says he wants us to be friends...but we need a 'cooling off' period. We are supposed to get together sometime next week to talk, to put closure on things or whatever. I have a lot of questions I want answered...and I'm looking forward to spending the time with him. Even if it is just for a couple hours.

 

This new relationship of his is crazy. He's pres of his business frat, he's dating one of the girls in the fraternity. She's a year younger, they are both sooo much alike...they even look alike. The first thing people say when they see them is wow, they look like brother and sister. He's throwing himself into this relationship, and it hurts so bad. I miss being in his arms, and I miss being the person he would call at the end of the day. Now it's her. And all I'm left with is my hopes that they won't work out.

[babycristy456]

thats the way it goes. The same thing happened between my and my first bf. I wanted to party, have fun, go out without him. I said to him on our last conversation, "If you don't like the way I am, then don't be with me anymore." And off he was...to later find out that he found a new girlfriend with more things in common with him and I was crushed crushed crushed. I made the mistake...But you know what? Everything happens for a reason.

 

If you are a certain way and believe certain things, then you should find a boyfriend that thinks similarly...someone who believes in "space" as well. My current boyfriend believes in certain "space" but not clubbing, partying, etc...without him...And I learned from my past that i either have to accept it or decline it. I accepted it and we very happy.

 

But don't worry, if he really loves you, he will come around again for a second chance. Just make sure that you don't make the same mistake twice. If he doesn't then it wasn't meant to be and you should just move on and find someone new....

 

Oh and about the frat thing...something happened similar to me as well...You know what, forget that! On the outside people seem jolly and happy, but the truth is that your ex will not forget you and the best way for him to notice you again is you living life normally and being happy. By that time, you might not even want him back. Good Luck and look towards the future, not the past.

[sucker4ya]

I've been doing soooo well this week. Happy and busy and meeting new people. But today I cried...just for a minute. It was 3 months ago today we broke up. I'm ok with things, way more ok with them than I was a month ago, even a few weeks ago, but I still want us back. It doesn't need to be now, but I love him and I don't know how to make that stop.

 

We are supposed to get together over xmas break and talk about things, catch up, get closure and what not...he has yet to call me. I'm not holding my breath. But I did make the decision that if he doesn't call me by the time xmas break is over, than he has made the decision that he doesn't want me in his life on any level...and I won't be his friend. I know he wants that, he practically breaks down and cries everytime we talk about being friends. He just knows we can't be friends right now...we need time to let everything die down between us. Well, I understand that...but that doesn't mean that he needs to ignore me, or lie to me, or go back on his word. If he thinks he can shove me out of his life and treat me like crap for the next 6 months until he's ready to have a friendship, then he is in for a rude awakening. I will not let anyone push me around like that. If he values our friendship and having me in his life...he damn well better step up to the plate and make an effort NOW to show me that my friendship is important to him in the future. Argh. Sorry I'm just frustrated and need to vent. I'm also trying real hard to avoid the urge to call him...which I know I can't do. ](*,)

[acuraman]

We all make mistakes in life, and sometimes we have to learn the hard way. You stated that if he didn't call you during xmas break, then you would break off any future contacts with him. However, you happened to mention that he knows the two of you cant be friends right now because he has to heal from the break up. Why don't you let him go through the healing process and allow him to call you when he is ready? I don't think you should rush him because that will only push him away from you. Its probably just as hard for him not to answer your calls as it is for you wondering why he isn't answering.

[fantasia2004]

first of all you were not stupid.

You just got caught up in the moment.

 

pace yourself and go at this using your head instead of your heart. trust me as many people have said it is the only way things will work in your favor at all. Less worry more patience wins the race.

[sucker4ya]

We talked tonight for a little over an hour. I told him how he had been making me feel with his actions over the past few months and he apologized...he sounded very understanding. More so than in any of our past conversations. I cried, I don't know...I'm so strong until I actually hear his voice and then I inevitably start crying. He said he believes we gave it all we could give, that we've been through the cycle before, and we just don't have anymore. I know he is wrong, but I can't tell him that...he'll have to realize that on his own, if he ever does. It's going to take time, lots of time. I just hope my heart can take it...it's so broken right now...sometimes I don't think I'll ever really feel ok about things. It is so difficult to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel when he is so positive right now that we don't have a future...but in my heart I know he is the one for me, I know we have more than this to give each other...I am putting my faith in the love we shared and reminding myself that what is meant to be will be. Time is the answer to everything.

[xymox]

I went through something similar with my ex, he broke up with me a while ago because I guess things weren't working out and its taken a long time to get to where we are now but I learned I needed to give him space and now he calls me on his own, he makes an effort to see me eventhough we are still not together and I'm ok with that for now. He told me he misses me and he did realize the grass was not greener on the other side. We didnt get back yet for different reasons but at least he admitted he hasn't found better than me and basically the time apart made him realize things.

 

I think that if the love between you and your ex is strong enough, there is a chance he may realize things in the future. My ex also went out with someone almost 2 months after he broke up with me, which lasted only a couple of months and he told me that he was sorry and she just wasn't me and thats basically why it didnt last..he didnt get over me. I know every situation is different but if your relationship is anything like mine was then I believe everything will work out in time. The most important thing you can do right now is take care of yourself and let him figure things out on his own. If he truly does care about you, I think theres always a possibility he will come back. Just dont dwell on it or get your hopes up too high because when you expect things to happen, thats usually when you get let down, at least from my experience. I hope things work out for you

[sucker4ya]

Thank you for your post Xymox, it helps so much to hear that things DO in fact work out in some cases that are similar to mine...I know that doesn't guarantee anything, but it's nice to see!

[xymox]

No problem, I know how hard it is to cope with everything that you're going through right now.. I have definetly been there. If you ever wanna talk feel free to pm me

[sucker4ya]

Well I don't know what to do anymore. I don't think there is anything to do, really. He's very happy in his new relationship and as much as it kills me to see them together, it's what he wants. He told me today that when he broke up with me, getting back together was never an option. Which I don't really understand because for the first 2 weeks he said we would definitely work things out he just needed time to figure things out for himself...and then for the next month he kept telling me "we are just taking space...we just need to do our own thing for a little while"...he never said it was over and that we were never going to work it out. ARGH. I'm trying to tell myself, if it is meant to be it will be...that we won't get back together unless we have these other experiences. He also said today that we had irreconcilable differences. I felt like I was listening to an E! news daily report on the latest celebrity divorce. So frustrating. We both know our differences were nothing huge, they were not things we couldn't overcome...but no, he just threw in the towel. It has been 3.5 months almost, and it still hurts like h*ll. I know anyone in their right mind would just give up and move on, they would realize there is nothing left and that it will never happen...but not me. I still think he's going to realize what he gave up one day, that we are going to have a chance to do this again. ](*,) but at the same time...it feels so impossible. Like, how can someone who feels this way EVER possibly change their mind?

[healinginnyc81]

sucker4ya, I feel really bad that you have to go through this. I'm also so confused and heartbroken b/c my ex gave up on me when we never had any conflicts that couldn't be resolved. She just stopped trying and stopped communicating. I hurts so much but I think the next step for you and me is to regain our sense of self worth. I'm sure it's a long slow process but I think once we realize all the good qualities we have we will realize that we deserve to be treated much better. We can then find other people who will see all our good qualities and respect and treat us the way we deserve.

 

Right now, that's so hard to believe that we could feel this way about anyone else. but so many people have been through this exact thing before and have been able to move on. I'm sure there are other people out there with all the important traits that we enjoyed in our ex's. But even if it was true that our ex's were perfect for us, the only thing we can do now is to improve ourselves and prove that they shouldn't have given up on us.

 

Another thing is that in a month or two of NC people start to see the whole picture a little clearer. So right now all the bad times and "irreconcilible differences" are fresh on your ex's mind, but in time the good times will come back to him too and he'll have a little more of an objective view. On the other hand, you may start to remember the things you didn't like about him. I don't know, that's just a thought.

[sucker4ya]

I wish I could accept the fact that it is over...I mean I have, but at the same time it doesn't change the fact that I want it. It's like, I've made up my mind I want him back and I just can't accept that it might not ever happen. He called last night, we talked for a while...I cried alot...I have a problem being strong around him. Anyway when we were talking about the new girlfriend...he said..."when you find something good, you don't let it go"...what a slap in the face. He let me go...the girl he wanted to marry for 3 years. What, did he realize that I'm not good enough? I don't think he meant it as anything against me...but god, aaargh. I know bad mouthing the new girl is no way to win him over lol...but I just want to yell how much I hate her and how he could do so much better...she's so not cute. I haven't said anything and I won't, but it's hard to bite my tongue lol. Unfortunately I have no other option but to move on, find someone else, and see where life takes me. I know if we are supposed to be together things will work out on their own one day...but that's easier said than done. I miss him and seeing them together is taking a huge toll on me. I really don't want to go back to school because I know I'm going to see them everywhere...I'm not ready for that.