My boyfriend and I had been having a few issues

[jaiva]

My boyfriend and I had been having a few issues which i posted earlier. Some of the issues included his friendship with 2 particular females that I don't particularly like him being around. Well, we sort of resolved those issues. We came with the conclusion that I do not trust him because whenever he is around them and I ask him where he is he never actually tells me where he is which makes me come to the conclusion that he must be doing something that he should not be. Since that conversation things have been seeming to be on the up and up.

 

Well here is the issue now. He comes in today and tells me that he has decided that we are not going to have sex anymore because he says it was more fun when we did not have sex. FYI: I took his virginity about 2 months or so ago. No explanation or anything, probably because I did not ask for one yet because I was so in shock at his comment because we have had sex about 3 times in the past 2 days and each time he tells me how addicted to it he is.

 

So here is my dilemma. I want to trust that he is not getting it from somewhere else. But that is how it seems to me. Was he lying to me about how good it was? He could not have been if he was ejaculating right? I just do not get it. A little help please.

[darkblue]

His reason for not wanting to have sex is: 'it was more fun when [you] did not have sex'? .

No wonder you are feeling confused

 

I would say that you have jealousy issues. But they are provoked by him hiding where he has been, etc.

 

Sit down and talk to him.

Let him know how you are feeling - and see if you can get a explination of why you he feels that sex was better, before.

Do this in a non-confrontational way.

 

Good luck.

 

[P.S. you should consider changing the thread topic heading - as it may be found offensive and/or vulgar.]

[Bones28]

Hi there. My first piece of advice would be to finish your conversation with him. Most importantly, ask him why he feels like you should not be engaging in a sexual relationship. Then take it from there. Could be a personal issue and that he just may want to stop having a physical relationship at all. But I think you need to finish your convo in order to get a better assessment of what is the problem.

 

-I know it's prob. not the answer you're looking for or the easy solution, but talking has a way of helping to work things out.

 

good luck

[jaiva]

no not that sex was better before sex. the relationship was more fun before sex. I do not understand that.

[darkblue]

Maybe he feels that the relationship is under more stress when sex is involved.

How do you feel about no sex?

[SeaBisquit]

this is my opinion and i may be wrong. he's feeling quilty for having two woman. so he's trying to choose between the two of you. i'm sorry but that's what i think.

[Mrocza]

this is my opinion and i may be wrong. he's feeling quilty for having two woman. so he's trying to choose between the two of you. i'm sorry but that's what i think.

 

That's also the feeling I got after reading your post :S

 

I personally think if it's something out of the blue, when just a few days ago things were fine, it's not OK. Perhaps this is his way of slowing letting himself off the hook (pretty blatant in my opinion). Why don't you talk to him and ask him. I understand jealousy and I understand suspicion, and sometimes it has no basis in fact. But if you are not normally a jealous person and you feel you have reason to believe something is up, question it.

[RayKay]

Okay there are several "reasons" why he could of decided he no longer wanted sex.

 

1) The relationship may have changed after...perhaps it became more serious, or there were some issues with codendencies that arose.

 

2) Perhaps he got a strange fear of pregnancy/STIs.

 

3) Maybe there is someone else and he is trying to absolve his guilt. I too am suspicious of his not being honest when he is with his "friends". How has he tried to earn your trust back, does he still hang around them without telling you?

 

4) Other (Fill in Blank).

 

I think you need to talk to him about WHERE this came from. Don't accuse him, or criticize his thinking, this conversation should be to explore his reasons and get a better idea of where he is coming from, or what may be going on. Remember, what he does NOT reveal, may be as important as what he does.

[jaiva]

He says that he feels that sex causes to many issues. He says I get upset when we do not have sex and that I get upset when he does not feel like it. However that is not true. I get upset when he ignores me. If he would just tell me that he did not feel like it I would get the point but when he ignores what I do I get upset. (Am I wrong from not wanting to be ignored?) And when I got upset when we did not have sex it was not because we did not have sex it was because of the attitude that he had which caused us not to have sex. He says that he just wants to eliminate the main issue. Which really gets to me because we always have issues about him and his darn video game but he never offers to give it up.

[jaiva]

Why was my title changed? It did not have any swear words in it only insinuated a swear word.

[SeaBisquit]

ok jaiva,

i know this is all very hurtful. but he's railroading from telling you the truth. how much time is he spending with this other girl? is it more time than he is spending with you? and sex should come naturally it shouldn't be a problem if you are in a healthy relationships.

[jaiva]

I believe since we had the conversation in which I told him that I did not trust him he has not had much contact with either female, however that could be because he has not been telling me. He said that he has not spent time with them since I told him that I did not trust him. But that was not because I did not like that fact that he was a hanging around with them but because I told him that I did not trust him because of how he acted when he was around them. I believe that he has not spent much time with them since he told me that.

[SeaBisquit]

jaiva,

can you honestly be in a relationship without sex? i just find it odd that after you confronted him on all of this he tells you the relationship was easier before you to had sex. that send up big flags in my mind.

[jaiva]

Yes, it is possible to be in a relationship w/o sex. We were in a relationship for over 1 1/2 yrs before sex. However, I think it will be darn near impossible to be in a relationship with no sex after sex was a part of it.

[sariyah]

Hay there! erm how long have you been together?if its not long i would start thinking about leaving him. its not fair that he thinks he can just dictate whats going to start happening in ure relationship.A relationship takes 2! If ure not ready 4 that then try talking but u may b wasting ure time. Stay positive and i know its old but theres plenty more fish in the sea!lol and good luck

[darkblue]

Yes, it is possible to be in a relationship w/o sex. We were in a relationship for over 1 1/2 yrs before sex. However, I think it will be darn near impossible to be in a relationship with no sex after sex was a part of it.

This is not very helpful.

You want sex in the relationship - he doesn't.

You have a direct conflict on your hands. Sort it out, or it could prove fatal to the relationship.

 

Sit him down and talk to him about why you think that it would be a good idea to have sex in the relationship, and listen to his reasons against.