Falling out

[elhombre]

Well........here I go again. Jeez, I dont even know where to start. Ive been losing touch with the world and I cant even help it. For the past three years I have had a "falling out" with society. Its like im losing my life slowly, dying little by little. I wasnt always like this though. Although I have been unhappy most of my life, as a teenager the days seemed to be alot brighter and happier for reasons unknown to myself I was able to blend in with society, or so it seemed to me. They seemed like much better days. Over the years I have found it harder to talk to people. Throughout my highschool days and my early years of college I had my share of girlfriends along with several other girls who were clearly interested. Now I dont even feel or maybe even know how to go about talking to women. The fact that I lack a car doesnt really earn me any points with women either. The women I have been with in the past years have done nothing but harm and use me in the end. I dont like going outside anymore. These city streets are a ghetto and unsafe. I dont like going to bars, comedy clubs, clubs, dance halls (hate dancing). As an avid outdoorsman theres not much I can do in this concrete jungle. The friends I have had have done nothing but harm to me by bringing cocaine to my house and bringing me down with them. I have gotten rid of them. The few good friends I had drifted away and forgot about me. Now I have no one to hang out with or even talk to. I was one who was able to mingle when I was younger. Now interaction with other people seems to be getting harder and harder for me, especially at college where everyone seems to be so stuck up. All I do these days is sit alone in my apartment everyday and studying, smoking pot occasionally. Things have been this way for several years and there is no sign of hope in sight. Im losing touch with the world. Ive become a social misfit. I feel as if there is nothing I can do to make the situation better as it will only get worse. After several years of this, I begin to wonder, maybe life is not for me.

[ShySoul]

I understand what you are feeling man, and I know how rough it is. I think of myself as a social misfit to, like I don't belong in this world at times. I find it hard to talk to people. I don't find things like clubs and bars remotely entertaining. And I often think I'd be happier in the countryside then in the big city where I've always lived. No car either. And at least you have had a girlfriend, only recently have girls even begun to take notice in me. So I really feel for your situation.

 

The friends and women who hurt you, I hope you can see that they are the messed up ones and the ones who should be feeling bad. You are right to get away from them, you don't need them. As for your other friends, why not try to get in touch with them? People can grow apart through the natural course of things, busy life getting in the way. But someone should make the effort to get in touch, why not you?

 

The pot isn't going to help anything. Please, try to stop that. There are better things you can be doing to improve your situation.

 

You like the outdoors? Are you sure there isn't any group in the area for people who like the outdoors? What else do you like do to? What are you studying? Can you find people interesting in that?

[registered]

Hey elhombre,

 

I have a similar life. I lost touch with the world too and actually wanted to lose touch.

But I know that life is for you.

 

The thing that got my life on track again was meditation and some other stuff. I kind of went of a journey of "self discovery" as cliche as that sounds...it's not for everyone I guess and you have to have an open mind.

That was 2 years ago...since then things aren't really much better in my life but I have a better attitude and concentrate on different things in life.

 

All you can do is try to make things improve (and not do things that will worsen your sitaution). They mightn't improve right away (or even after several years...) but if you have the right attitude all that will matter is being on the path of improving your life.

 

Living in a concrete jungle when you are a nature person sucks. The thing that gets me most is all the people. I spend as much time in parks as possible and usually have a lot of alone time. I used to hate going outside but with time these things change.

If it's possible you should try and get out of the city on weekends...there might be a hiking or cycling or rock climbing (anything) club/group you could join that would allow you to do this and meet some new people.

 

You are at college so you have many chances to meet new people. You don't seem to mind studying and so you should try studying with other people. This way you will be able to meet some new people.

 

Smoking pot isn't worth it. It's great that you got rid of those other "friends" of yours.

 

As ShySoul says you should try and get in contact with your old friends.

You also have many chances to meet new people. I am sure that in your city there are a lot of people who like you hate the concrete and would rather be in the great outdoors...there will be opportunities to join groups like this if you look for them.

 

Do you have a job?

If not then get one, it will give you something to do and chances to meet people.

Even if you don't get paid and it's volunteer work it will be worth it.

 

The city sucks but you have to get out there...just do anything to get out of your appartment. Look at shops, sit in parks, go drink coffee or go to the library. Just try and get out of your appartment as much as possible.

 

After my divorce from society we kissed and made up and now things are better.

You have to look at life as a series of opportunities...there are many chances to do anything you like out there. Just do anything!

 

Things will get better, but you have to have a positive mind. There are plenty of opportunities out there and so you have a lot to be positive about.

Set some goals, aim to improve your life and you will be able to.

[elhombre]

I am indeed losing touch with the outside world and not by choice either. I feel totally out of place in my environment. I live 15 minutes from Manhattan, so my area is very urban and absolutely full of crime and filth. Its a cesspool. Im not talking about small time petty pot peddlers kicking nickle bags on the corner. The things that go on out here are serious, theres a serial rapist who has gone around raping women and has slit one of his victims throat, alot of kids out here are in gangs and are stabbing and shooting each other, muggings occur all the time, the local park is a sort of flea market for those peddling heroin (thats why the the park is not a good hang out spot),rising murder rate.....its not a very nice place to live. There are no groups in my area dedicated to outdoorsman which sucks for me since anything I enjoy doing involves the wilderness. Things like fishing, hunting, hiking, camping, looking for indian arrowheads, etc. I cannot do here. I study biology in college, but people there are so stuck up and it is rather hard to approach them, as for meeting people at work, I live off ebay so it aint happening. I do want to meet new people but its just not happening. As for finding myself, pot has become a way of me to find myself as it tends to open and expand my mind. I find it to be therapeutic, but who knows perhaps it is bring me down. All in all I just dont know what to do.

[registered]

I don't live in Manhattan but my home is much the same, down to the finer details.

No one uses it as an excuse though, nor is it of so much concern that it affects people's lives so much that they need to cut themselves off from society - I doubt many people in NYC allow it to do this any way (but of course I don't live there).

 

I think you need to make some changes in your life if you want your situation to change.

Smoking and living in your appartment are only going to worsen things. If you want things to deteriorate then by all means continue to do these things. (Smoking is a therapeutic outlet but it doesn't help your situation, it just masks it for a short while - it contributes to it in the end)

 

I do want to meet new people but its just not happening.

You have to make it happen. It won't just happen. You need to go to the shops instead of eBay. Go to the library. Go to the Gym. Go to the movies.

 

Make an effort to approach and get to know people at universitity and then decide if they are stuck up...if you haven't done this yet then it is unfair to classify them as stuck up.

 

If you need to get a car then get one. If you need to get a job to do this then get one.

Getting away on the weekends seems like a good thing to do to me.

 

If you hate the place so much then why not move?

 

Why not start up a group to do outdoors activities? The internet would be a great one to get something like this going. At university there might even be some interest if you get to know people.

 

 

The only way you will change anything is by actively seeking to change things. Commit yourself, make the changes. Any change...maybe the changes people suggest are not possible - but if you see any way to make a change then do it.

 

what's the real issue? There is little stopping you from meeting people and from getting back in touch with society. Are you sure you want to?

 

Things suck when we are down about our situation - it seems like they can't change. But they can.

Your situation is reversible if you want it to be.