married at 18, too young??

[glitterandglitz]

thanks every1 for the help

[Hannibal]

Talk to him about it. This stuff puts a lot of pressure on a relationship and can lead to things falling apart.

 

Tell him that you would like a future with him but are not ready to get married next year. Tell him that you just want to see where things go on their own.

[darkblue]

This is a difficult situation that he has put you in.

If you are against being married at this age - you have to tell him. Keep the communication lines open.

 

Explain that you think you are both too young to be jumping into any major committment, such as marriage.

Tell him that you love him, and maybe in the future you can think of things like marriage and children.

 

This may be an insecurity of his. He might feel that without a strong committment, he will lose you.

For that, you must explain that you are going to be here, and you love him - but you don't think that jumping into marriage would be the best idea right now.

[ratherbesailing]

Glitterandglitz -

 

Just let him know that you love him but make it clear to him that you don't want to get married until you are both out of college and established with jobs. If he freaks out, it just shows how much he isn't ready for a mature relationship. You will probably need to reassure him that waiting doesn't have anything to do with doubting that he's the one, but I think if you stay consistant with the graduate and get a job deadline he'll have no choice but to accept your decision.

[Hope75]

It IS very young to commit yourselves to marriage at this point in your life when as you say, you have hardly experienced life yet- having not had a job, learned to drive, just began attending college. Is this your first serious boyfriend?

 

I would tell him honestly what you told us-- that you love him very much, but that you have hardly lived yet, and agreeing to marry someone when you have yet to experience so much about being an adult is a recipe for disaster. You don't even spend that much time together right now... to commit to eternity when you only see each other once a week and are so young...

 

Almost all of the couples I know who dated seriously when we were your age have long ago broken up and married someone else, while others remain single and love it. At such a young age, they tend to outgrow the relationship after a few years. If you go through college and in say, another 5 years you are still together and going strong and still want that commitment to one another, consider it then.

 

You are a smart girl to recognize trouble when you see it. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend the rest of your life with each other, but put off the legal commitment until you've BOTH had a taste of what's out there, who knows, in a year you may not even want to be together anymore, and that's OK too.

[BellaDonna]

I met my husband when we were teenagers- but he NEVER talked about marriage that young, and neither did I. I would have been freaked out if he did. We didn't get married until I was done with 6 years of college- and he had a good job and bought a home, and we even lived together first. There is no need to rush marriage.

 

 

Just let him know that you love him but make it clear to him that you don't want to get married until you are both out of college and established with jobs. If he freaks out, it just shows how much he isn't ready for a mature relationship

 

I agree. You need to tell him your feelings about this now. Your views on this are totally normal. Be flattered that he wants to spend his life with you, but be realistic too. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If it is meant to be, you will end up together- but to tie the knot now is really too soon, in my opinion. You seem to feel that way too- and that's what's most important. Never enter a marriage with doubts whether it's now or 10 years from now.

 

BellaDonna

[WildChild]

Glitterandglitz -

 

Just let him know that you love him but make it clear to him that you don't want to get married until you are both out of college and established with jobs. If he freaks out, it just shows how much he isn't ready for a mature relationship. You will probably need to reassure him that waiting doesn't have anything to do with doubting that he's the one, but I think if you stay consistant with the graduate and get a job deadline he'll have no choice but to accept your decision.

 

My exact thoughts

[PocoDiablo]

I got married at 23. That was too young. Now I am thinking about getting married again in a year (so 37) and I think it's about right.

 

People change SO much through their twenties it would be like you married one person and then in a few years you're with someone else.

 

It's crazy in my opinion. But I'm divorced, much older, all that blah blah blah.

[Relationship Coach]

GAG,

100 years or so ago, that was probably the norm but there are many variables in today's society to doom a marriage at that age. It is perfectly natural to have desires of matrimony at your ages but it is more so for the protection and commitment of your relationship. As he is finishing a chapter of his life (high school) and you are starting a new chapter (college) he may just want to secure his future with you as his own insecurities may be causing him to jump the gun. You both are at crossroads in your lives to where what you accomplish in the next 3-5 years may shape your lives forever. Focus on that before dealing with a marriage. If it is true love, you will be able to stay committed through the college years and after you get settled in to your careers, then look at marriage.

 

As for having children, wait until you have spent a few years together to enjoy the fruits of your careers and alone time. Children are wonderful but your exploration years of marriage, years 1-3 are best if focused solely on the two of you. You have the best thing going for you right now, time.

[glitterandglitz]

*edit

 

 

[RayKay]

Definitely sit down and talk to him, ensure you express you love and care about him but you are NOT ready for marriage at this point.

 

I do think 18 is too young. I think you are still learning so much about yourself (and you can be the most mature, independent, grown up 18 year old ever, you still will really grow and learn a LOT over the next many years!) that to know at 18 this is the person for you is a VERY very difficult thing to know.

 

I met up for a drink with a friend of mine from high school, we had dated when I was 13/14 and then he broke it off to date someone else. Anyway, he just broke up with his girlfriend last week of ten years. They have been together since she was 14, and he was 17. And he expressed a lot of regret, as he realized that he had also missed out on so much. He loved her, but he never felt that desire to take the next step - to get married or have kids - not even a dog! He kept hoping it would come, he thought it would, he just went along with it. And then some big things made him realize that he was not happy which I won't go too much into....but essentially he realized he has really missed out on being himself - on travelling, being independent, trying new things. He realized that instead of them growing together and individually, he had been growing "towards" her interests, she had tried to make him into whom she wanted...just little things like that.

 

I think that is a very big risk in young relationships that stretch over those primary years in your late teens, 20's and even 30's for many, where you are still forming whom YOU are, but if you aren't with the right person, you can really miss out on that stage. Trust me, I loved the person I was with at 16-18, but I knew that in the long run, we just were not going to be right for one another. There was a lot there, that made us both hold one another back. If I had married him (which he wanted) I would of really failed to grow and develop as a person and out on the experiences I have had as a individual. And I saw him several times a week, I certainly would be even more sure of not marrying someone if I only saw them once a week!

 

I think until you truly know whom you are, and truly are able to say "yes, this IS the person for me" not just because you love them, but because you are compatible and share the same goals for the relationship, that you accept one another for whom you are, and you are ready for the REALITIES of marriage (i.e. it is not just one big long happy sleepover everyday!) then you are in a place to consider marriage.

 

Take your time, grow, learn, love, have fun with this relationship, but don't legally commit yourself at this point to something that should be forever, when you have barely made a dent into the rest of your life yet!

[OceanEyes]

I wouldn't mind getting married to him because I really love him but I think we are quite young and inexperienced.

 

I'm not saying that it can't/ won't work long-term, but I think that getting married at your ages will add a lot of unnecessary pressure, responsibility, and complications.

 

Neither of you have your lives figured out yet. This process actually changes people. Changes their views, their attitudes, and even their personalities. This is why parents tell you to wait until you're 'older'. They've been there, and they know how much a person can change from the age of 17 to the age of 25. To be honest, most people wouldn't even recognize my personality if they hadn't seen me since I was 17.

 

Do you really want to be married at 20 years old, decide that you want more freedom to go out and meet new people, have fun, travel, etc., then realize that you can't because you're married with a kid?

 

Take things slow. Talk things over with him and try to be responsible. You say that he's still in high school. Take your time, see if you can actually grow together, and if you do, you'll know it's right.

[Jessy]

Marriage is all up to the couple involved. You can have 1,000 people on here give you different advice, but it won't apply to you if you don't fell the same way as they do. If YOU feel ready, and YOU'RE personally able to handle all the work and stress that comes with marriage, and it's something YOU want... you're not too young to be married, or have children. However, don't let your boyfriend influence you to make a decision you do not want to make. Talk to him about it. If there is any doubt in your mind, tell him... and don't do it! Once you get married, that will stay with you for the rest of your life. You're 18. If your boyfriend decides he wants to move to a different state, and you don't feel like it and divorce... that will stay with you forever. Worse yet, children do not go away! If you rush into getting married and having children now, it will be a decision you'll have to deal with for at least the next 18 years! Anyway... like I said, if it's something you want to do, and you two are able to do it, go for it.

[annieo]

I had just turned 20 when I got married. My husband had finished college and had a job. I have two daughters about your age and I always tell them that you should finish college and live on your own for a while before you get married. While I have been married 26 years, so I guess it worked out ok, it isn't what I want for my girls. We did wait 6 years to have kids which I'm glad we did.

Anyway the only time I will ever live on my own is when I live at Shady Acres as a 90 year old widow!

Good luck and remember if he is "the one" he will still be "the one" 5 years from now and that is a much better time to get engaged and married.