I think I did the right thing, did I?

[head_heart]

I met this 35-year old guy online and the first few dates went well. But as I time went on, I found out he got irritated quiet easily. He likes saying the "F" word a lot, and if there is someone driving too slowly before him, he will show the finger..etc..He quit drugs and alcohol 4 years ago and now he is trying to quit smoking, he is also on Zoloft to treat his anxiety disorder...I guess all of these contribute to his hot temper. Well, I have some issues too, such as I have trouble expressing my feelings, sometimes there were moments I really wanted to get into his arms, but I didn't, which also made him feel confused...But anyway, last nite I found his profile active online and I got quiet upset. So I called him (BTW, we barely called each other, instead we emailed each other a lot) and told him we had a lot of problems, which he agreed. Especially Christmas is coming and finally we have a lot of free time, but we don't know what to do with each other, because we would fight (He has hot temper and I am not submissive either). I pointed out if these problems are not to be solved, eventually we would break up and surprisingly, he didn't get mad, instead he was really nice.He said Okay and told me I could put my dog in his house if I had to get out of town, then he wished me a good evening.

 

Sometimes, I felt we were really connected, I didn't feel this way with anybody else, but however there were also too many problems. I don't know if I give up too quickly..there was a time his profile was active while we were dating, but I didn't really care and things went well, he turned it off. But this time, I am really bothered and I feel like I have done enough. I do miss him but also feel disappointed and mad because the attitude he showed me. What do you guys think?

[BellaDonna]

I think you did the right thing by breaking up. There were a lot of signs that things would not have worked out. His temper is concerning. Just think- if he does not know you that well and has no problem swearing and acting rude, and fighting- then as time went on and he became more "comfortable" with you- he'd probably only get worse, and potentially abusive.

 

If he put his profile back online then he didn't think you were compatible- so why force it?

 

It's good that you don't hate one another and it ended on relatively friendly terms.

 

BellaDonna

[PocoDiablo]

Putting his profile back online signifies a lack of seriousness to me.

 

His lack of self control signifies he is more like an adult child than an adult male. Personally, I would say you could probably do a lot better.

 

It sounds like he needs to grow up, learn some manners, and calm down. But that is not your job, in my opinion.

[RayKay]

I think you should always listen to your gut instinct, and it was telling you loud and clear that this was not the man for you.

 

You did the right thing. It does not mean it does not hurt, but it was the right choice to make.

 

You can't change a man, so if you cannot accept someone for whom he is right NOW, then it's time to move on.

 

Early in dating, people are on their "best behaviour"...if this was his best behaviour, what does that bode for the future???? That, and him reactivating his profile again shows that he was not feeling as serious about you at this point, also shown in his reaction to the break up.

 

You did the right thing, staying would of led to more heartbreak is my impression from what you have written.

[head_heart]

Thanks for the inputs. They help a lot. I feel bad because he almost has everything I am looking for, but his temper really scares me. He is not a people person, he likes his dogs more than anything or anyone else. He often mentioned he didn't like people...He dated a girl for 1 and a half years, he told me they never fought because she was really nice. But he had to break up with her because of lack of physical attraction. The reason why he dated her for so long was because he needed someone to hangout with and she was really nice to him. This was another concern I had. I think he is too self-centered...

[PocoDiablo]

"Almost has everything I am looking for." That's like saying "Hey, that's a GREAT car except it doesn't have any brakes." Is it still such a good car?

 

He sounds like he has more than just a few things wrong - temper, not a people person, likes his dogs too much (I mean, I like my dogs, but come on!), nice guy (a deal-breaker in my book), self-centered...

 

He sounds like he has a lot of problems. The Fiat of boyfriends. (Fiat was know as the "Fix it again Tony", a horribly unreliable car.)

[head_heart]

And he sent an email this Monday telling me "Sorry things didn't work out, but at least we got to know each other. Please let me take care of your dog whenever you get out of town and please let me know if you ever need anything." I guess this past weekend was hard for him too. I haven't replied yet coz I don't know what to do. His temper really is a problem but I do miss him from time to time. Any suggestions? Thanks..

[PocoDiablo]

My opinion? If he's got a temper, he can stay the heck away from my dogs. I would never risk anyone hurting my dogs.

 

I would not reply.