independent or dependent

[Skippy]

In todays world the word independence is often used to a boastful manner, whilst being dependent is frowned upon especailly in the western society.

My question is this, what ever is wrong with being dependent on someone, your partner

Being dependent on your partner doesnt mean that it is wrong. Needing your partner isnt wrong. from my opinion it feels good to be depended upon. To know that i have the responcibility to look after me partner and my relationship. It reminds me of the things that are important in my life. I enjoy the fact that i depend on my partner to do things for me. It is a joy to be catered for. THis give and take relationship is the most forfilling as it enriches us and teaches us the meaning of love and trust and not just 'being in LOVE' but to actually love.

Modern society especially western influences have warped our perception about what love is all about. The truth is being dependented on one another and choosing to be a team is a good thing.

We only choose to be INDEPENDENT whilst in a relationship because we dont trust that the relationship will work out. Many a times have i heard ppl say that u have to be independent so if it doesnt work out it doesnt affect to so much or you dont put all of yourself in the relationship because things can change in the future.

However are relationships going to work if you dont put your all? to give all you have and have trust that your partner will do the same, and if they dont, it is time to move on. Giving your all and being dependent on one another is the only way to quickly fgure out if the person is right for you. if you remain independent from the very start of the relationship it will just take longer to figure things out and the inevitable will be DIVORCE.

 

THat is my opinion and i am sticking to it.

[Beec]

I think once you have been in a relationship, it is ok to develop such feelings. Sooner or later, we may get to a point where we would die for our partners.

 

But getting into a relationship, you should not be dependent. Also, only depend on what is readily given. When things are demanded, then you are heading for a rough road. When you are not getting enough from a partner, pull back, don't demand.

[LostInMyThoughts]

There are varying degrees of dependence. The level of which your life depends on someone else can either be healthy or unhealthy. In addition co-dependence is another problem that can occur in a relationship.

 

If you "depend" on your partner for affection, love, and to be your companion, I don't think thats unhealthy.

 

If you look to them to support you during the rough times, again I dont think thats bad.

 

If you look to them to boost your self esteem, or to carry you, or for them to provide you with happiness, thats bad.

 

There are only some needs that a partner can meet; anymore than this set, and I think its unhealthy.

 

Codependence, otoh, is when someone is in the role of the caretaker. You essentially stifle your needs in order to satisfy the needs of others. If you're a parent, to some extent this is necessary. But in a mutual relationship, its bad, and in the long run one or both people will probably end up miserable.

[sweetheart230]

I think because when we depend upon someone it feels as if they are with us because of dependence, rather than because we are desirable to them. Then we start to feel as if they NEED to be with us, rather than WANT to be with us. And then it starts to feel like an obligation to be with that person.

[WildChild]

My thoughts exactly! Although at times we look to our partners for boosts of self esteem or happiness, it is when someone completely depends on their partner that it is not healthy.

[babycristy456]

It depends how you define "dependent" and "independent". As you know, they are opposites, and extremes. People think that independent means to be self-centered, untrusting, not able to work with other people (like you partner), or just secluded. And some define "dependent" as being attached completely to another person without having their own character, personality, or voice...

 

I think both are not good when you are in a relationship. You brought up a good point. Doing things for your partner and having him do things for you does not mean that you are completely dependent though...It means that you both love each other enough to do "extra" things and make sure the other is comfortable. That is good. The western culture does not frown upon those things I just listed (doing things for one another, working together with your partner etc...) they frown upon those that get so attached in a relationship that they will not be prepared emotionally, mentally, or physically that they "depend" on it to make their daily choices.

You are independent just by having your own career goals, view points, opinions, and interests...If you want to share them with you significant other, that is a "choice" not "dependency". However, if start to change all your own goals, viewpoints, opinion, and interests to satisfy your partner, then that is being weak and dependent...

There is a difference bw the two...and I agree with you that there should always be a trusting nature to a relationship where people interact and share a common ground. And its not good for couples to have the mindset of "if it doesn't work out" at the start of a relationship, for it begins it with negativity, but one must always "be prepared for the worst". Being independent, which I define as keeping your individuality is very important and it is not a sign of distrust and should never affect your relationship at any point if you are with the right person.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I've grown up in a fairly independent house hold, my parents are both individuals with separate interestes and views. Their dicotomy and independence from each other allows them to be who they are. I don't think it is healthy to be reliant on another individual, in love and together, yes. But as a person you should be able to exist as yourself and look to your partner for love, not total support. I want someone to love me, not be depedent on me. It maybe selfishness, but the fact is I want to live my life and not pull someone else along through it.