Tony29UK Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Ok, so some of you may have read my previous posts about my recent dumping! its been 2 months since the split. she cheated on me and i still got dumped (after alomst 2 years together). well, its still hurts like hell, im still in love with girl (not lust!) and yes i still want her back. Now 17 days ago she said that we should go n/c to give me a chance to get over her, she didnt think we should communicate as i was still in love with her and she didnt want me to read into any friendship stuff. N/C has been the hardest thing ive ever done, however, ive been strong and avoided all contact, despite wanting to text, ring, bump into her, write letters all the time i have done nothing. - last night she rang. It was around 5:30pm just as she would be leaving for work. i didnt answer, she didnt leave a message. Shortly after, i texted her saying sorry missed your call, am at work, whats up. she replied that its been a long time and she was wondering how i am... i didnt reply. i then had another call at 12:50am and another at 01:15am (whilst she was at work) - i didnt answer! so, where do i go from here! if she asks why i didnt pick up do i ignore, do i tell her its because she wanted no contact until i was over her... i want her back soo much.... but is she just ringing to ease her own pain... any thoughts.. ANYONE! Link to comment
Jut Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 You did good by not picking up. Hold strong. If you pick up the phone i can gaurentee you will feel worse after putting the phone down. She cheated on you and now sh eis manipulaitng you having been the one who wanted NC and then breaking it herself. Give respect to yourself first, love yoursefl first. Dont cling on to someone who cheats, there is no love in that, its all selfishness.Ive been there done that and i also used to tell people that its not lust for which i want her back its love and i know i was selfish. Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Hi Tony! Ingore them. She cheated on you then dumped you after a 2 year relationship. You definitely deserve better than that and she doesn't deserve any kind of friendship from you at all. Stay strong, do the NC, and try to keep busy. Link to comment
heloladies21 Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 It doesn't matter why she's calling, No Contact all the way. Don't even pick up, call back, or text. You'll just be easing her guilt and there's no chance you two will ever work out in the future. Stay busy. Start talking to other girls instead. Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 She just rang again!!! - i didnt answer - no message left... HELP ME!!! .... OK, DEEP BREATHS........AAAaaaaah..... Sooo hard! Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Turn your phone off, if others call and it's important, they will leave a message. Sorry you are hurting. Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 Kellbell - You're such a sweetie!! Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 I try Tony. I know ex's can be very frustrating. Hang in there, you're doing great! Link to comment
patience Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 Tony, What is it that you want? Do you want to talk with her? Do you want to hear her out? Or do you want to completely let go and move on? If you really want to move on, then yes, stick with NC. Your behavior and choices should reflect what you genuinely want, otherwise you'll have regrets. Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 6, 2005 Author Share Posted December 6, 2005 Ideally i would love to get back with her. However i know of some recent changes in her life (ie a chap she had a fling with went to Australia for a year today, the original guy she broke up with me for dismissed her in a nightclub when someone prettier came along, arguments with friends etc..) so im thinking she's just feeling deserted and im the back-up plan. I want to tell how how i still love/miss her but am afraid of rejection. I want to answer but am scared of waht i might find... maybe she'll text... then i can reply at my leisure... be soo much easier.... however, part of me really wants to vent off!! if she asks how i am i feel like saying 'why, i though i was the only one who cared in our realtionship ' or similar Link to comment
patience Posted December 6, 2005 Share Posted December 6, 2005 don't let fear stop you from doing what is right for you you may be right, she may be feeling alone and she may be seeking attention...but you won't know unless you do communicate with her Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 well, i got my text. 1am this morning - she wrote 'Hey i guess you're still not ready to speak to me or you hate me. just wanted to say ive found your cd case and dvd.' Again, i didnt reply. sounds like she's feeling a little sorry for herself what with the hate bit, - although i want her to know i dont hate her. I think i will leave it a few days and ignore the first portion of the text and just say thanks for letting me know about the cd case etc... (and maybe i'll mention the cash she owes me..!!) I really feel like asking her why she cares what im upto now after she totally destroyed our relationship but cheating and lying. its like i want to make her feel bad about what she did but i know it wont achieve anything apart from maybe making me feel better for about 10 seconds making her feel bad and pushing me away even more! .....ever wished that you could feel no emotion..... Im still hoping we'll get back together in time but it has to come from her. i realise i can do nothing to influence her decision but it cant happen without communication. however, i dont want to talk and get rejected again - catch 22!! do i really sound like a rational human being! .... its like my life is on hold... guess im still not ready.. Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Tony, Her punishment should be you not texting her or talking to her. Sometimes it's the stuff you don't do or say make people feel worse and if you want her to feel bad about lying and cheating, then silence speaks louder than any words. Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 Aaaaargh!! She just rang again.... Literally 1 minute ago... Didnt answer.... My heart is racing...... Link to comment
patience Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 if you want her back, as you say, ignoring her isn't the way to go why don't you just talk to her? don't play silly games Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 I know Patience. Just scared of hearing something i dont want to. I'm gonna text her in a day or so regarding my things she has at hers but im sure she'll ask how i am and why i havnt answered her calls.. do i play it cool or put my heart on my sleeve and say im still crazy about her.... I guess shes thinking of me or she wouldnt be calling (the no contact idea was all hers to give me time to get over her) but part of me says its just cos theres no-one else around at the mo. Im sure if she wanted to get back together she would have said something, maybe im just over analyizing (im good at that)... so many variables..... could go either way.... i cant be just a friend... Link to comment
theHeat Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Dude, you're really playing this one out with your A-game so far. Good job. It's hard to come up with a good strategy for talking to an ex you want back. But, "I just found your old CD's," screams she's thinking about you. I mean, c'mon CD's? She's using it as an excuse to get in contact with you, for some reason. More likely than not, she's wondering how you are. I mean, you can't turn off two years committed (or not so much in your case) to person like a lightswitch. It, in all honesty, very well could be residual feelings. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. Do you really want to try again with this girl? Is she worth it? You've answered these questions already. if you don't act on what you feel, you'll have regrets in the form of always asking yourself, "what if...." questions. But, prepare for the worst. She wil have something else to say, besides your CD's, I gaurantee it like a used car dealer. Now, remember. You hold all the cards. You didn't cheat on her. You didn't call her when you said you wouldn't. You are in control of this situation. Capitalize on this. 1 Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Thanks heat. Just need to formulate a plan of action! Link to comment
chaos Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 Why do you even want this girl back? She CHEATED on you! As far as I'm concerned that's, by far, the WORST betrayal of trust. Keep up with the NC. Tell yourself it's over because even if she did want to get back together, she'll just do it again. Don't forget what she did to you, don't forgive it, don't excuse it. What she did was unforgivable and you're better off without her. It's going to hurt, probably for a long time, but in the end you'll see that it was for the best. Good luck man! Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Not sure if i've done the right thing here... too late now tho.... She rang yet again... i didnt answer... i then got a text saying ' look, ring me. if i dont hear from you tonight i guess you dont want your stuff/cash so i'll bin it' I replied, 'thanks for finding cd/dvd, will pop by to collect at some point'. i then got another text saying 'cant you talk to me anymore' I then went for broke . ... 'cant. am still in love with you. Sorry if its not what you want to hear but i cant help it'. That was almost 2 hours ago. didnt get a reply. At least she knows, and the ball is back in her court. maybe i could have played it cooler but emotions are funny things! watch this space i guess..... she's rung every day, sometimes twice a day for the last 4 days and texted too... i wonder if it will stop now i've replied... then where do i go.... back to square one..... aw man.... Link to comment
sukerbut Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 tony i feel you bro..listen mine did the same thing..called me once a week..i disected every word she said..the last time she called i proffesed my love to her, asked her why everything went wrong..all her answers were crap! she assured me we were never getting back togehter then iwas like you want to go out for coffe..she said ok i could do that..i was like how bout dinner..she was liek what is that going to accomplish. I had it with her..i told her please dont call me any more..the pain of listening to your voice is not good for me. i wish you the best good bye. At least now i can never call her because i am going to look like a chump and liek this she has enough pride as to not call me..My friend that is the only way we will fix ourselves. I was adement on winning her back..but you know what? I am done..sure she was hot and sure she was great an d sure i love her very very much..but i am tired of putting myself through this crap. Tiem to be a MAN i said to myself and move on. As time passes and you dont speak things will get better..but everyt ime she called me my heart would race just like yours..no idea what her intentions were.. We cant get better if we talk to them. and i am tired of playing this game.it has exausted me mentally and emotionally. WE need to MOVE on Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Hey Big guy, Yeah, ive been reading all your posts Sukerbut. Its so hard. As ive said the ball is back in her court.... i'll give her some thinking space (if she needs it) I guess this was my last-ditch attempt. Its just so hard to judge the situation as when we split it was kind of left as 'we'll see what happens in the future' (ok, an easy let down i know... but what if..). In my head Ive no intention of contacting her unless she contacts me. I've decided that if she does contact me with a view of getting back together then i'll chat, anything else i shall ignore. However , im my heart i know without contact or friendship (communication) theres no chance of anything in the future. I think i'll just keep my head down... if she doesnt call then at least i'll know. if she does call i'll keep posting here and with you guys around i'm sure i'll figure out how to proceed. I know i need to move on, it just doesnt feel right at the moment. i just compare everyone to her. Ive been out, kissed a few other girls, exchanged numbers etc. but theres something missing. Im looking to move to a different area in the new year, fresh start and all that... time will tell...... Am interested to see what happens over the xmas period regarding her calling.., its a lonely time for some (me included)..... im mentally exhausted... head spinning, over analyzing, so many 'what ifs', lack of sleep, cant concentrate at work, hey i still get tearful... all this 2 months down the line Link to comment
patience Posted December 8, 2005 Share Posted December 8, 2005 if she didn't already realize that you were still in love with her, she knows now I think this is a good thing, because you were honest, it's not healthy for you to repress your true feelings if she is interested, she should be contacting you within a few days at the most...if she is really interested, I'm quite sure she will be calling tonite Link to comment
Tony29UK Posted December 8, 2005 Author Share Posted December 8, 2005 Aw patience. Another valued opinion. I think part of my posting here is for replies just like yours. Bit of a feel good factor.... We shall see... never thought id be discussing my personal problems with complete strangers from thousands of miles away..... nice to know people care. Link to comment
patience Posted December 9, 2005 Share Posted December 9, 2005 did she call you? what happened? Link to comment
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