First (freakin') love

[tiki]

First Love...

 

...never ends?

...never forgotten?

 

Should I just realize that i will never completely get over it?

 

I wanna know what you guys think and your personal experiences

 

Thanks.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Trust me, you will get over it.

 

When you are over it, you won't feel any indifference when facing them.

 

When he appear in the newspaper as a winner of a singing contest, it just surprise me. I does not miss him because I am currently in a relationship I am happy with it.

[darkblue]

You will get over it to the extent that it will no longer consume you - but I doubt you will ever forget it.

The first love is a memorable one.

 

Would you like to share what happened?

[pumkin_fairy]

you will most deffinately get over it, although it could take time, but it will rarely be forgotten

 

jen

 

xx

[Jonboy582]

Well for me as of yet, there is still a small space in my heart for my firslt love (even though she is a complete ****). I dunno if that small bit will go, but you will always remember them. Just hang on things start to get better.

[RayKay]

First Love...

 

...never ends?

...never forgotten?

 

Should I just realize that i will never completely get over it?

 

I wanna know what you guys think and your personal experiences

 

Thanks.

Yeah, you will heal from it, and it won't be the same anymore - it fades, because it is no longer being nourished and grown. I think you may always care about them in some way, and remember them, but you will probably find you do that for other great loves that follow your first too.

 

You will get over it, because as you grow and age, and have more experiences, your capacity to love will also grow, and so new loves will come, and become stronger then the faded love of the past. Now, of course there may be more heartbreak, and broken loves, but time does heal...and eventually, you will find the right one for you, and you will be the right one for them, and your journey for searching will end, but the journey of developing and nourishing that love will go on forever.

[ShySoul]

First love never fades, it never ends and it is never forgotten.

 

Why do you think we place such importance on it? Why do you think people get so antsy waiting for it? Why do people always look back and talk about their firsts - first kiss, first date, first relationship, first love, first time, etc. It is because that is something special, something sacred that will never come again. No matter how many relationships you have, no matter how many people you "love," none of them can ever be that first. In your heart you will always feel for that person in a way that you can't feel for anyone else. You will always remember and cherish that experience. It will always be in your heart, and in your soul. You do get over, you only bury it under with other "loves" and memories until you do not think about it as much. But it is always there and it will always beat as strongly.

 

Time does not heal it. The passion you have for the person will remain just as strong. In my experience there is not a stronger force then the first person you love. And even if you somehow manage to find another love, that first love will still be unlike anything you will ever experience again.

[Jonboy582]

Wow I hope thats not true. But also erm what if you get back with thefirst love later on in life then you got best of both worlds.

[RayKay]

Wow I hope thats not true. But also erm what if you get back with thefirst love later on in life then you got best of both worlds.

 

No it's not true. It may be true for SOME people, but it certainly is not the greater for most of people. I also think it's rather DIRE and DEPRESSING when you think about it.

 

I would hate to think that the person I loved when I was 15, will always be "stronger in my mind and heart" then the person whom 10 years later I am willing to spend my entire life with. And it's fortunately NOT the case. Why? Because I cared about him, but we both barely knew ourselves, or what we wanted for the rest of our life, never mind knowing what it took for real long lasting love.

 

People grow over time, sometimes when you are younger, or with your "first loves" you are not even yet sure of whom you are as a person, or what a relationship is all about. So what if you fall in love with someone whom does not feel the same way, or whom abuses you, or cheats? Are you telling me that you will forever love them more and stronger then the person whom comes along later, whom treats you wonderfull, lke you are meant to be?

 

First love never fades, it never ends and it is never forgotten.

 

then what would be the point in people healing, why do people bother moving on, if that was true? Because it isn't. Why do so many people heal, and then meet someone else, and realize how wonderfully things worled out, because this was true love, what they had now?

 

Why do you think we place such importance on it? Why do you think people get so antsy waiting for it? Why do people always look back and talk about their firsts - first kiss, first date, first relationship, first love, first time, etc. It is because that is something special, something sacred that will never come again. No matter how many relationships you have, no matter how many people you "love," none of them can ever be that first. In your heart you will always feel for that person in a way that you can't feel for anyone else. You will always remember and cherish that experience. It will always be in your heart, and in your soul. You do get over, you only bury it under with other "loves" and memories until you do not think about it as much. But it is always there and it will always beat as strongly.

 

This will depend again on each person. Not everyone looks back at their firsts that way. A lot of people use it as an experience, and move on, knowing the greatest love, the one that is not the FIRST, but the final, that is the greatest love. It's not your first whom is the strongest love, it is the one whom becomes your last. of course, for some, that may be the same, but not for most.

 

You do not bury it, or carry it around with you either. It's part of your past, it's part of a way you remember yourself, and memories, but it does not beat forever strongly - there is nothing to nourish it anymore, especially if that person is no longer around. Years later, you do not even know if the person is the person you fell for anymore.

 

Time does not heal it. The passion you have for the person will remain just as strong. In my experience there is not a stronger force then the first person you love. And even if you somehow manage to find another love, that first love will still be unlike anything you will ever experience again

 

Great thing to be telling people whom are worried they will never get over a breakup, even when they have no choice. Time does heal, if you allow it to. If you catch yourself in a repeating cycle of obsession, determined that person must be the one you are with, no, it will not heal, because you are only convincinig yourself this was the only thing you would ever have. In your experience maybe it is so, but it is rather fatalistic to generalize that would be the same for everyone. No, your first love will not be like something you experience again, but neither would your second. EVERY relationship is different.

 

The strongest, greatest love should be the LAST person you ever love, the one you choose to spend your life with, and they with you. If that happens to be your first, great for you, but if it is not, don't get so down on yourself. It is part of your experience. I don't know ANYONE personally whom laments the lost of their first love, when they find something greater, more beautiful, more reciprocal, and beautiful, then what they ever had.

 

The way a first love can be carried through our lives, is by cherishing the experience we had with them, and the love we had with them, but also realizing it is not the only thing we will ever know, that we are forever doomed to relive that over and over again since it is the strongest we will ever know. Because that WILL keep you trapped in the past, and you might miss out on just what was meant to be the greatest love you were to have.

[ShySoul]

No it's not true. It may be true for SOME people, but it certainly is not the greater for most of people. I also think it's rather DIRE and DEPRESSING when you think about it.

 

Not depressing, romantic. I did not say you wouldn't love others. I did not say the love wouldn't be strong. I said that the first love will always be strong because it is something special that we will always remember. It is a sacred experience that will not be forgotten and will hold a special place in our hearts. I'm being honest. That first love is going to be something unforgettable. The stirrings of real love is not something that can fade away, once you love someone, you love them forever. Why wouldn't you want to embrace the fact that you will always love this person? If its your first love, why do you want to get over it? Why not always be able to look back and say this person was that special to you, that pivotal in your life that you will always love them in a way that you can't love anyone else?

 

I would hate to think that the person I loved when I was 15, will always be "stronger in my mind and heart" then the person whom 10 years later I am willing to spend my entire life with.

 

I never said that the person will be stronger in every way. I said that the person will always have a special place in you that no one else can touch. And in that place he or she will be stronger. That is not to say in every other area the person you end up with for all eternity is stronger. But there is always going to be a place carved into your heart and soul that belongs just to the first.

 

People grow over time, sometimes when you are younger, or with your "first loves" you are not even yet sure of whom you are as a person, or what a relationship is all about. So what if you fall in love with someone whom does not feel the same way, or whom abuses you, or cheats? Are you telling me that you will forever love them more and stronger then the person whom comes along later, whom treats you wonderfull, like you are meant to be?

 

Ok, forgot to mention that abusive situations are the one exception. Otherwise, yes, a part of you does love them. Even people who have been cheated on, part of them still loves the other. It's because they honestly love the person, their overall person, and that even with the flaws, mistakes, fact that it didn't work out - they will always love the other. That first love is overwhelming, it consumes a part of you and it will always be there, tucked away in a corner of your hear, beating fast and a light shining bright.

 

then what would be the point in people healing, why do people bother moving on, if that was true? Because it isn't. Why do so many people heal, and then meet someone else, and realize how wonderfully things worled out, because this was true love, what they had now?

 

I am saying that the love never ends, it is never forgotten. The fact that you talk about your first love in this post shows that. You have not forgotten him. Somewhere in you, you still think about him. And I'm willing to bet you still get butterflies in your stomach thinking about your first kiss with him. We may "heal" for the most part, we may meet someone else, we may find that the new relationship is "true love" and lasts forever. But that doesn't mean that the love we had for the first isn't still beating strong somewhere within us. The love is still there, it is not forgotten. It does not end or cease to exist, its still there somewhere. And a part of us, no matter how small, still wishes it had lasted.

 

This will depend again on each person. Not everyone looks back at their firsts that way. A lot of people use it as an experience, and move on, knowing the greatest love, the one that is not the FIRST, but the final, that is the greatest love. It's not your first whom is the strongest love, it is the one whom becomes your last. of course, for some, that may be the same, but not for most.

 

Then we have drastically different social circles. Cause everyone I talk to looks at their first as something special, not just an experience and then moves on. The people who have a great first experience get a gleam in their eye remembering. The ones with a bad first experience always say they wish they could have had better. Point is, they look at it as something special, something they will never forget, and something that will stay with them and burn in there hearts forever.

 

Again, I said "as strongly" not stronger. And somewhere in us, it does beat every bit as strongly.

 

You do not bury it, or carry it around with you either. It's part of your past, it's part of a way you remember yourself, and memories, but it does not beat forever strongly - there is nothing to nourish it anymore, especially if that person is no longer around. Years later, you do not even know if the person is the person you fell for anymore.

 

There is something to nourish it - the memories. And those memories will resurface from time to time, even if it does become rare. Just the girls I had crushes on elementary and middle school, I still think of them and I still feel just as strongly as I did when I knew was around them in person. Because when I put myself into something, I am all in. Every part of me is commited to it, it is how every fiber of me feels. And when you are committed like that, it can not fade away. It is something that is stiched into the fabric of your soul. Even if we do not know who the person is today, we know the memory of them. And that will still burn within us.

 

Great thing to be telling people whom are worried they will never get over a breakup, even when they have no choice. Time does heal, if you allow it to. If you catch yourself in a repeating cycle of obsession, determined that person must be the one you are with, no, it will not heal, because you are only convincinig yourself this was the only thing you would ever have. In your experience maybe it is so, but it is rather fatalistic to generalize that would be the same for everyone. No, your first love will not be like something you experience again, but neither would your second. EVERY relationship is different.

 

I know you have followed my advice as I've been giving it for a long time now. Think back to what I always advise people. I have always been extremely positive and encouraging people that they will find true love and will be happier then they ever imagined, that all their dreams will come true. So you are completely misinterpreting everything I am saying in this regards.

 

I am saying that a part of us never will completely get over a person. Time can heal 99% of the wound, but it will never completely be healed. It's not fatalistic, its reality. There will always be a voice in our minds wondering, what if? There will always be some part, buried deep down that wonders what the other person is doing, whether if under different circumstances things would have worked out. And in that regards, you never completely get over a person.

 

What if you are not convincing yourself that the first love is your only chance, that it is an obsession? What if you honestly feel in your heart and soul that you and the person are suppose to be together? What if everything that you are says it is so? Is that being fatalistic? Or is that holding faith in the power and magic of love?

 

Yes, every relationship is different. But none can be the first. The rush that comes over you, it will never be quite like the first time. When you pour your heart and soul, all that you are into it, when you take the chance and risk everything because this person is to you worth it.... how can it ever be like that again? Everyone after that, when you say you love them, it may be stronger in most ways, but you can never again say to the person "you are the only one I have ever loved." That is a part of you that can only be given to one person. And that part will always rest with your first love.

 

we are forever doomed to relive that over and over again since it is the strongest we will ever know. Because that WILL keep you trapped in the past, and you might miss out on just what was meant to be the greatest love you were to have.

 

Again, what if it isn't keeping you trapped in the past? What if you do experince other loves. But in your heart and soul, you know that the first touched you in a way you have never been, and will never be, touched again? How do you know, for absolute certainty that it WILL trap you? You mean a person can't have other loves, but know that in some way that love will be the strongest they have ever had?

 

I don't know ANYONE personally whom laments the lost of their first love, when they find something greater, more beautiful, more reciprocal, and beautiful, then what they ever had.

 

You do now, because if I ever find a lasting love, I will still lament the lost of the first love. And odds are, that lasting love will still be the first love. It's not being trapped, its not false hope. It is me, it is what I know to be true, and its what I will have.

[Jonboy582]

wow thats a long post and I only read half of it lol. But thanks cleard things up,my girlfriend was abusive so why should I love her more than anyone else who may treat me amazing.

 

Im having feelings for anouther of my best mates just hope I dont get a repeat of last time. Besides we wont get together. Sorry that was off the point.

[traz]

I still think about girls I had serious crushes on in elementary school at random times

[BillyJean714]

Oh. Trust me. You'll get over it. May seem like an eternity, but TRUST ME, once you move on, you'll be like, "What the hell was I thinking?"

 

I guess it really all depends on the individual relationships involved.

 

If you're young, say around the time I had my first bf (around your early early teens), you'll get over it, especially if they're the player type. You'll learn.

 

However, if it's someone who treated you really well, you will never forget. Someone who comes into your life and loves you in all possible ways, you will always keep them in your heart- similar to how you keep those childhood memories spent with your loved ones. Somehow, you never forget those memories, but you eventually let go and move on. You'll always cherish those memories, but it will be nothing but a distant past. Nothing more, nothing less.

 

Depends on the quality of the relationship. You'll run into more and better. That's for sure. Only if you choose to do so. Good luck!

[tiki]

wow..i didnt think so many people had so much to say about first loves...

 

thanks for all the comments and advice. I appreciate it.

 

I can relate most to those who said that i can get over him and let him go...but i will NEVER forget him..... How can i forget someone who played such a great influence in shaping the person i am today?

 

Even though i went through all the pain of a broken heart...i will NEVER forget how happy i was while it lasted...

 

i thereforeeee conclude that first loves are one of the best things about life because it breaks you...then makes you.

[ShySoul]

I like what Dako said in another post:

 

Time will deaden the pain. You'll gradually replace your thoughts with other things, new experiences and friends. With time, you hurt and anger will die off and you'll have fond memories of this guy you knew. Healing is the perfect term for this process beacuse the wounds heal, the pain fades and you'll be whole again. Just like a physical injury, nature takes its course.

 

And I also like how you describe it:

 

i thereforeeee conclude that first loves are one of the best things about life because it breaks you...then makes you

 

As much as I believe firsts love never fades, keep believing what is right for you.