Feelings of betrayal

[Moore]

Ok. I've been talking to this guy online and we seem to have everything in common. I've gotten to the stage where I'm falling for him and told him so last night. He then replies that he hasn't been totally honest with me and that Cameron is not his real name.

 

I feel so stupid and used. I opened up to this person and it never entered my mind that he wasn't who he said he was. He said that he is worried when talking online, so he doesn't use hes real name, which is fair enough, but I feel he should have told me straight up.

 

I am a very naive person when it comes to trusting people online. I have a kind heart and to deceive someone like that would not enter my mind. He knew all about my problems that I've been facing. I really don't feel like talking to him anymore. If he lied about his name then what else has he lied about. Is he really a guy?

 

I don't know. Has anyone else been in a simillar situation?

[Ms Omaniac]

whenever i start to like someone from the internet...i usually start talking to them on the phone soon and then arrange to meet up with them. i understand using the internet to get to know someone to meet them. but i also dont want to keep it solely an internet relationship.

if you can...to get these doubts out of your head...i would suggest talking on the phone.

[Indirect]

Umm... Well, who uses his real name online anyway? I mean not just because of a person being dishonest but rather being cautious. From my point of stand, I think you are blowing it way out of proportion. Unless he confessed to you some of his deep secrets. Look, at least he was honest enough to come out and tell you that his real name is not xyz. I hardly consider this a deception but again, everyone's different. Just take it easy and tell him you want to be cut and dry about everything. Remember, when you meet someone online, since there is no physical contact, always assume he/she is not 100% protraiting him/herself.

[Relationship Coach]

Moore,

 

Are you falling for Cameron or your perception of him? Online relationships often start out with some deception. Names, ages and other interests are often changed or omitted. Even conversing on the phone wont reveal everything. You are entering a world in which you should be very careful about what you reveal about your self and what you believe about them. If this person is not residing in your immediate area and meeting them in a public place is not possible, try using a web cam.

 

There are many good people on various dating sites and chat rooms but there is also a large number of creeps, perverts and married men looking for various forms of stimulation. Online dating is a good way to screen through numerous candidates without spending a great amount of time, as opposed to dating in the real world.

 

I met my wife online and we are happily married and recently had a baby boy. It is possible to find the love of your life but just realize there will be those who are dishonest by nature. This guy may not be all bad, using an alias is very common as well as smart. Give him a chance to open up with you, he will if he feels a real relationship with you is worth it. Best of Luck and be careful!

[DN]

Has he told you his real name? If so, that means that he has reached a level of trust with you that he feels comfortable sharing his real name - and that is very positive.

 

i think he was merely being careful and that you should feel flattered that he feels he is able to tell you the truth at this point.

[RayKay]

Hmmm, I am not sure if you should feel stupid and used. It is possible he was shy or worried about people finding him online and being embarrassed, and as he said, a little apprehensive about it. It's the same reason we don't sign up for our email addresses or sign on names with our real names (well not usually anyway!) and we have "handles" or nicknames.

 

I guess it comes down to your own instincts about it, and whether you trust his reasoning or not. I don't think it is unusual, though I am guessing it took him a long time to tell you.

 

My real concern is not that he gave you a false name, but that you state you are "falling deeply" for him. I have done plenty of online dating, and I can say without doubt that before you should be doing any falling for anyone, you really need to meet that person IN person. People online are not necessarily LYING about whom they are, however, it is true they often can represent themself differently online then in real life. Aside from things like appearance, age, gender (a lot of people use old pictures, or other people's pictures!)....people's personalities can just be very different even if they don't intentionally do so. You can also have mad chemistry online, but in real life....you can hear the crickets chirping 5,000 miles away.

 

When I was dating online, if I felt interested in someone, and they returned it, we would be meeting within a week or two. No more then that. Why take all the time to "build something" online, when it might turn out to be nothing in real life, why build those expectations of something, and find out, they were based on falsehoods and fantasy, more then reality? I am not interested in an online relationship, I want something real, so move it off line once their is mutual interest there...and of course meet in a public place, and so forth.

 

I am not saying it can't work, it does. I met my wonderful boyfriend online and know others whom have had success as well, however there are some guidelines that you should set for yourself, so you don't get into situations like this!

[Moore]

No, he has not told me his real name. I guess I am more of a trusting person then most. I have not be open to the side of deception before on the net. I don't normally talk to too many people I don't know.