He's confusing me...

[pixie102]

I met this guy through a friend about 7 weeks ago. We immediately liked each other. We've been dating ever since. The first 3 weeks he called me every single day and we saw each other a lot. He spoke to one of my friends one night about me and told her how much he liked me...yada yada...and about how one day he didn't call me to see if I would call him because he called me all the time.

 

Fast forward to now...he doesn't call as much anymore. I do call him too...just not too much because I don't want him to think I'm clingy. And he doesn't make plans to see me much anymore. And just when I think he doesn't like me anymore...he calls me just to say hi after he gets off of work. I know he plays games, obviously, after what he told my friend. I'm just confused as to why he doesn't call me as much anymore and doesn't make plans to see me. I haven't seen him in nearly 2 weeks! We were supposed to hang out this week... And I know the whole he's just not that into you thing...but...what happened? and does he still like me? Oh, and I haven't slept with him yet...

 

And I do want this to go somewhere...and I know I shouldn't bring that topic up yet...I just really like him and want to be exclusive.

[annie24]

I think you should back off a little. Don't be the one always calling him. It's pretty common what you're describing. In his book "Mars and Venus on a Date", John Gray describes that during that in the beginning, men will pay lots of attention, and suddenly pull back. Just remain cool. It's in that "uncertainty" phase that both you and he are evaluating if you want to progress into a relationship or not.

 

I think that your best bet is to pull away a little. Make plans with your friends and family. And if he calls you to ask you out on saturday night, but you are already going out with your best friend, then too bad for him.

 

Anyways, I think it's a really good book. Read it. And just hang tight, ok And if you get sick of his "games" just don't play anymore, forget him, and find a new guy. But I bet that if he gets the impression you may be losing interest, he may start pursuing you again.

 

actually... I think that's part of it.... he knows that you like him, so he isn't working as hard anymore. Pull back a little.

 

good luck

[WildChild]

I think that annie24 was was right about most of it.

 

However as a general question, why is he the one playing games in terms of not calling to see if she would call him? Anyone, including this post, would tell her to back off if she was calling too much to see if he would call her. Calling shows interest and if he did all the calling maybe he felt she wasn't interested and he did what anyone would do, stop calling to see if she was interested. That's not game playing, that is exactly what anyone would do or give advice about, especially to a woman. If she called too much and wasn't certain if he was interested we would tell her to back off to see if he called.

 

I don't think he is game playing based on that. I think he is evaluating if you are interested in him. And if you are, I wouldn't wait for his phone call days on end. If ya haven't heard from him in 3 days call him, but don't wait too long because he may get tired of waiting for you

[shorty20]

I think you should wait it out... stop calling him as much, just wait for him to call you. I was recently dating a guy for a little over a 2 months, and everything was going great until I brought up the fact that one weekend I didn't get a call from him. I'd seen him on thursday and everything was great. Then I didn't hear from him till sunday, so I called him. He called me back shortly after, and I brought up the fact that he'd been backing off a bit. He took it as me asking for more from him... thought I wanted to be more serious and since he was trying to graduate school and get all that figured out, he said we should just be friends... now i'm kicking myself for even saying anything about not getting a call for 3 days... but whatever, you live you learn i guess

[pixie102]

That's the thing though...I'm not calling him like everyday. I wait to hear from him and if I don't...then I call him a couple days later. Well, this week, he called me sunday, I called him monday, nothing tuesday, wednesday he called me, yesterday I texted him and got no response whatsoever...And I was thinking about calling him tonight and see if he asks me to hang out. Does that seem pushy at all? Because I don't want to be pushy, but I don't want him to think I'm not interested.

 

One thing I just remembered...a few times he mentioned to me that I never call him...this was a few weeks ago...

 

And I know not to bring up "where is this going?" as much as I want to know...I won't.

[WildChild]

When you texted him, was it "Hey, how are you" kinda thing or did you specifically mention anything?

[Indirect]

What is up with you people and being so obsessed with calling each other every single day!!! Yes, you are dating each other but you are not each other's slave. I mean come'n. Nobody's being pushy here, give each other a bit of space. It's great that you talk often but if he doesn't call one day of a week doesn't mean he's running off dropping a dodo. People go to work, go to school, they are busy. Not saying you should see each other once every month but if you are getting upset over him not calling as often as before... Well then you expectations are high.

[pixie102]

I'm not upset he's not calling...I'm just wondering if he's still interested because--to me--he's sending mixed signals. That is what I'm trying to figure out here. And yes, I know he's busy, I'm busy too. But I can still make time for everyone in my life...there are 24 usuable hours in a day.

 

As for what I texted him, it was stupid, I was just like hey, hope you're having a good day at work. Tomorrow's friday. Yay.

 

I'm just really confused because I haven't even seen him in nearly 2 weeks...

[WildChild]

Naw, I don't think that sounds stupid re: your text. It was easy going and light hearted. Maybe take the huge big step and call him and YOU ask him if he would like to do something. Say something along the lines of "Hey, just wondering if you had plans tonight or this weekend?" And obviously go from there depending on his response. Keep it lighthearted like your text.

[traz]

Here's how I see...but it differs from what most of your responses have been. You said before that at the beginning, he called YOU all the time...and now he isn't calling you as much so you're confused. But really, from what you described afterwards, it seems like now you're calling each other equally...which is probably what he wanted. I don't think its a mix signal, I think its him realising that calling you everyday couldn't go on forever.

 

I'm kind of confused why people say to back off. If I call a girl all the time, and then stop calling as much, it doesn't mean that I'm not into her. It means that I'm scared she's not into me and I don't want to keep calling a girl who might not be interested...I want her to call me back so I know that she's as eager for the relationship as I am. It seems to me that if you stop calling it may just confirm for him that you're not really into him...just an alternative line.

 

Basically, the relationship sounds to be balanced now...so what's wrong? If its only that his calls have decreased, then I wouldn't be worried. Its all relative...his calls have decreased, but he's still calling you as much as he should be, he just used to call you too much before.

[annie24]

Traz - I see your point. But from my experience, in the beginning of a relationship, a guy calls me just a few times a week, and then later, as the relationship progresses, the calls get more frequent - like, everyday.

 

But, I agree - the phone is not the "all important measure" of your relationship. How do you feel when you are with him? Does he make you feel loved? How are your dates going?

[pixie102]

He's never really taken me out on a date. We always just hang out. I like being with him. And he's told me he likes being with me. But the phone call thing, I know, I shouldn't base assumptions on just that... I ended up calling him last night and asked him if he had plans for last night or this weekend. He said he'd be working on his truck with his roommate (that's all they ever do). I haven't seen him in 2 weeks and it sounds like he can't make time in his busy schedule to even see me.

 

And he said he was broke...which is understandable...but seeing as that he's never taken me out before and I am just fine hanging out at his place. So...I don't get it.

 

He used to talk about the future a lot--like a lot, including me in it...like he was thinking long term with me. And one thing he said was that he had to re-think being single and dating and maybe more (meaning he wanted a relationship with me). But he hasn't said anything like that lately because well, I haven't seen him or talked to him for very long.

 

I know I'm overanalyzing, but this is the first guy I've liked this much in a very very long time.

[annie24]

I dunno.... that sounds sketchy to me. He's too busy on saturday night (date night!) fixing a truck with his roommate? Either he's dating his roommate, or he's just not very interested in you.

[Belle]

Pixie,

 

I know it's hard to back off when you like the guy this much, but I'm afraid if you don't you're going to push him away. It sounds like he's trying to figure out what to do with this relationship and he's at a point where you just need to leave him alone. let him snap back to you. If you don't, the expectations will put too much pressure on him and it might not work out. At least he's still calling once in a while and hasn't completely disappeared. That would be a sign he doesn't think he wants to continue. As it is, he probably is using other things to keep him busy while he figures it out.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[WildChild]

You have left it with him knowing you are interested by trying to initiate a date. Now, for your sanity I would leave him be. It may be with him hangin' with his roommate working on the truck there was guy talk. If he didn't think originally that you were interested in him, based on the comments he has made, his buddy may have told him to forget it. Give it time to see how it pans out.

[pixie102]

So he never called. It's Tuesday. This is a pretty clear sign he is no longer interested in me. I just don't understand how he was soooo into me in the beginning and now he doesn't even want to talk to me and I'll never hear from him again...

 

I can't figure out what it was that made him change his mind about me...especially since he was soooo (did I stress that enough?) into me before...

 

What causes a guy to lose interest in a girl that he was very interested in in the first place?

 

I didn't cling to him, I didn't play games...

 

I mean, I'm over it...but I did really like him...

[Belle]

Pixie,

 

You'll never know unless you ask him and I strongly advise against that. It happens to everyone. We all have the right to change our minds about who we'd like to pursue a relationship with. And I do it frequently so I can't begrudge someone if they stopped seeing in me what they thought they were looking for.

 

It ain't easy and it's a kick in the ego but you'll be ok. Just be realistic and know that some other guy will like you for who you are and forget this one. He doesn't know what he's missing.

 

Best of luck,

 

Belle

[annie24]

Don't stress. Seriously. You didn't even KNOW this man. Like I said, there could be 50 reasons why he isn't calling you back. Likely, he has a girlfriend/wife/fiance. Or, he is in the process of getting back together with his ex. Or maybe you're just not his type. Yes, there are men out there that don't understand what the fuss over Cindy Crawford and Halle Berry is about. Everyone is looking for something different.

 

No stress, ok? Forget him, and meet someone new.

[WildChild]

Don't stress. Seriously. You didn't even KNOW this man. Like I said, there could be 50 reasons why he isn't calling you back. Likely, he has a girlfriend/wife/fiance. Or, he is in the process of getting back together with his ex. Or maybe you're just not his type. Yes, there are men out there that don't understand what the fuss over Cindy Crawford and Halle Berry is about. Everyone is looking for something different.

 

No stress, ok? Forget him, and meet someone new.

 

Yup, gotta agree at this point