Rebounds....good distraction or depressing waste of time?

[donut]

so im just curious what everyone else thinks about rebounds...if they've rebounded...whether it worked out or not...or made them miss their ex more (i know this stuff is different for everyone...so im more just wondering than looking for advice......i think for me being with anyone else woudl just make me miss my ex MORE...and i coudlnt really get interested in anyone else now anyway.....)

[newts]

It all depends on the individual, after you have been in a serious relationship it's hard to be on your own for alot of people. I am the type of person that if was in love with my ex, I don't care what they are doing, I know I need time to heal.

 

However, my ex and I broke up and 2 days later he was in a new relationship and engaged 7 weeks later, that was 7 months ago and he is still with, he has told me how miserable he is now, although he chooses to stay to honour his commitment to her. Anyway, there is no time frame, it's up to the individual, some rebounds work and others don't.

 

Yes I miss my ex til this day and he says he misses me and still loves me, however, I could never take him back because of the pain he caused me. I could never trust him ever again!

[RayKay]

However, my exs and I broke up and 2 days later he was in a new relationship and engaged 7 weeks later, that was 7 months ago and he is still with, he has told me how miserable he is now, although he chooses to stay to honour his commitment to her. Anyway, there is no time frame, it's up to the individual, some rebounds work and others don't.

 

 

Ugh, I don't get that...he is still engaged, not married. Much harder to change things after marriage then before it....after all if they are having problems now, or he is miserable now, it won't change after marriage either.

 

Anyway, on to the original question. It is different for everyone. I know people whom had very successful relationships/marriages soon after a break up, and others whom waited months to date, and realized it was a "rebound".

 

It has more to do with your mental/emotional state and the people involved then the time elapsed since the breakup. I don't know if I ever "rebounded", but I was someone else's rebound (found out later), and I have dated casually not long after a breakup (ie month or two) just to get out there. I am not sure it made me think of the ex MORE or LESS, but it did help me realize that I would not be alone forever, there were other men in the world whom were attracted to me, liked me - and many of them whom would be a better fit too. I was careful to never get overly involved though before I was ready.

[donut]

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP! sorry...i knwo this is not at all what i asked about...but my message is still on the board so i can't post another topic.

 

i am trying NC....just since yesterday afternoon. ive only sent him 2 text messages so far (which i know is technically breaking nc...)...but right now i am having feeling SICK i want to call him so badly. i mean....sick sick sick sick sick. i know if i do call him he will pick up....(i was the one who broke up wit him....but i am still totally in love with him....i brke up with him because our relationship was really really unhealthy and we made each other miserable alot fo the time)......i know i need to let go but THIS IS SO F-ING PAINFUL

 

i would call a friend or mymom or something but im scared to even touch the phone because my fingers might just decide to call him on their own if i do

[RayKay]

Put on your running shoes STAT and get out that door for a walk or a run. Take some music with you if you can. Get away from the phone!

 

If you can get through when it's most building up (now) in a couple hours you will feel so much better, and even be proud of yourself for it

 

RayKay

[donut]

thanks raykay!

 

ugh i wish i could!!!im at work at my desk trying to finish this thing thats due......

 

i went and made a cup of tea...and now ive decided NOT TO TOUCH MY PHONE...if i dont pick up the phone there's no chance of me calling him.

 

ARGH I HATE THIS!

[RayKay]

thanks raykay!

 

ugh i wish i could!!!im at work at my desk trying to finish this thing thats due......

 

i went and made a cup of tea...and now ive decided NOT TO TOUCH MY PHONE...if i dont pick up the phone there's no chance of me calling him.

 

ARGH I HATE THIS!

 

Ugh, it's always bad at work when going through these kind of things isn't it?

 

Stay strong and focus on the project, go walk to talk to coworkers, just SAY STRONG!

[donut]

ugh. it is the worst! it is! its impossible for me to get anything done! and now im working on a tight deadline and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

 

it makes it even harder (or..i dontk now if it makes it harder, because im sure it'd be really hard either way)...but i just keep thinking about how i know he's missing me too....and when i even let myself think about that then i start convincing myself that calling him IS a good idea.....like...for both of us! and i knwo that's screwy logic and he ASKED ME NOT TO CALL HIM...so that he coudl try and get over me.

 

how is it possible that we love each other so much but that our being together still isnt' right!

[RayKay]

ugh. it is the worst! it is! its impossible for me to get anything done! and now im working on a tight deadline and ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!

 

it makes it even harder (or..i dontk now if it makes it harder, because im sure it'd be really hard either way)...but i just keep thinking about how i know he's missing me too....and when i even let myself think about that then i start convincing myself that calling him IS a good idea.....like...for both of us! and i knwo that's screwy logic and he ASKED ME NOT TO CALL HIM...so that he coudl try and get over me.

 

how is it possible that we love each other so much but that our being together still isnt' right!

 

It's unfortunate, but it does happen. When you have tried things numerous times and everything under the sun...you know you gave it your all and have to move on.

 

One of my friends is currently separated from her husband of, oh, it's about 17 years now or something, and they have a young daugher as well. They really do love one another, but have had a lot of differences, and sorta lost that loving feeling, though they respect one another, they just...aren't right together anymore. They have tried counselling, trial seperations, read every book, but they have finally decided, they just can't anymore. So they are separated, very amicable, share custody willingly, and both are sad, but also know they can't do it anymore as it is hurting them so much more to be together. It's sad, she has her down moments too, even though she knows its right to do. But, she is doing good, as time went on, it got better, not "easier", but more accepted, it's just different as she says, but not bad...just different. Give it time. She is only 7 months on now, and still has a long way to go, but it DOES get better, and she herself says time is an amazing thing. It can only go forward, and take us with it. Hang in there.

[donut]

It can only go forward, and take us with it.

 

Thanks Ray Kay. Ugh. that's whats so hard...wondering if maybe we could have tried harder or tried more. he thinks that maybe we should be trying again...but deep in my gut i feel like our problems arent even caused by how we relate to each other (which coudl mabye be fixed) but in how we are as people...........

 

of course...when im missing him the most i dont believe anything that i just wrote...then i think "what am i CRAZY?...how coudl i leave the person ive loved the most of anyone in my entire life?"...................we were only together 10 months....but it was a very very very intense 10 months....we had big giant problems right away....we had maybe a few weeks of "honeymoon" at the beginning...but after that........

 

i keep hoping that maybe in the future we'll be able to come back togehter both changed (he's in AA and working on getting over alongtime prescription drug addiction......and i have my own bunch of issues to deal with too) and maybe it will work out

 

this is making me feel sick

[RayKay]

Just do what is right for you right now. Giant problems that soon in, are not a good indicator of things to come either. I can say that you were probably right to get out of there if he has issues with addictions/dependencies, and yes, let him take care of himself, and you work on your own issues, and time will tell

[Hope75]

I agree with Raykay. Someone with addiction problems needs to help themselves, and no one can do that for them, not as much as they love them.

 

You were right to leave him and let him try to heal himself, and to work on what's going on in your life. After 10 months and all those problems, it really isn't healthy for you to be together. As Ray Kay said, the best thing for you is to keep yourself busy and to focus on YOU.

[Lion-Guy]

I would say rebound relationships are not the best idea. I would wait until you are over your ex before you start a meaningful relationship. They are only a temorary fix and can make you feel more empty if they don't work out.

 

For example, my ex broke up with me a month ago and I started to see a new girl to get my mind off things. Nothing too serious. At first it made me feel great to hangout with abother girl and go out on the town. We went on a few dates, had a great time but she hasn't called me back in 4 days. I feel worse than before. Now I have two girls that I like that are not calling me? Ahhh......oh wait the other girl just called. I guess I got ahead of myself.

[RescueDiver]

There's only been one time I've really done a rebound relationship. It *seemed* to work as far as getting my thoughts off of my ex at the time. But, it was also a very hollow and lifeless relationship. I haven't done it since because I have a hard time finding anyone else interesting or attractive enough to date much less get into a relationship with and I also feel bad *using* someone as a rebound cushion.

[NR498E]

Rebounds....good distraction or depressing waste of time?

They really are more often both things at the same time.

a

a

[capricorn85]

With my rebounds I totally missed my ex! It was such a waste of time...they just reminded me of the things I missed most in my ex. Donut I understand so much. Days when I cried my tears out on the floor and couldnt move. Days I called from private over and over, just to hear him. I have been there. After 3 months I am just beginning to heal. Idk how...but I am and I thought I never would. What you need to do is full NC, it is hard I know but please try. A journal dedicated to the break up is great. Every night I write him a note in my journal, but I never send it to him. IT HELPS!! PM me anytime!