How Do You Learn To Trust...

[TAFFY]

As a survivor of child abuse and sexual abuse, how does one learn to trust again? I would like to meet some new friends, but I find that I don't trust a lot of people, and even the friends that I have, I don't entirely trust. I have several male friends who are good friends, but I find that I have trouble trusting them, also. And these men are good men, by that I mean that they have good morals and have a gentle nature.

I just would like to be able to trust again. I am in counselling, just started, and my counsellor is male. I liked him on first impression, but these can be wrong. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas.

[good_charlotte_freak2]

We all need to take chances. Just be carefull of how big they are.

[stratguy620]

Sorry if I'm kinda hijacking the thread, but I've got some pretty serious trust issues too. Alcoholic father, girlfriend cheating on me, the list goes on. I too need to learn to trust...

[darkblue]

You find those who you feel are somewhat worth of trust.

Never be discouraged when betrayed, and learn that trusted given, is trust received.

 

There may be some of your friends whom you feel you can trust more than others - but that is perfectly normal. Some people are more deserving than others.

[TAFFY]

Darkblue, I agree with you that some friends are more deserving of trust than others, but at what point does a person begin to trust again? I'm I going to have to go through years of therapy, before I really trust anybody again? I mean, I'm 47, I could die without ever trusting anybody again.

[darkblue]

You could die without trusting again - or you could make a point of finding the route of your trust problems at therapy and work from there.

 

It's often due to repeated betrayal of confiants in the past. But, of course, not every one will abuse your trust.

 

"True friends stab you in the front"

- Oscar Wilde.

[Trisomy21]

My girlfriend had a similar childhood as well. There have been times where she basically tried to sabotage our relationship in an attempt to prevent me from getting closer. She felt that if she tried to end things, and I made persistent attempts to avoid that outcome, that meant I really cared…

 

Like her, you’re probably a very strong, self-reliant woman who has never had reason to trust anyone other than herself. Here’s what you need to come to realize.

 

You’ll never have a successful or meaningful relationship with anyone until you let go and trust that there are people in the world that genuinely care for you!

It’s hard to forget the past and eliminate ingrained feelings and behaviours; however, the inability to trust is a sentence to a sad, lonely life.

 

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough.”

[sparticuss]

I'll tell you one thing you got absoloutely right. You said you don't trust first impressions.

 

You may be surprised at the number of people who still trust them completely. And wonder why that trust is betrayed.

 

If you rreally want to talk openly and honestly about male attitudes. Ordinary male attitudes I mean! then just PM me.

 

Abusers are not ordinay males of course

 

As a survivor of child abuse and sexual abuse, how does one learn to trust again? I would like to meet some new friends, but I find that I don't trust a lot of people, and even the friends that I have, I don't entirely trust. I have several male friends who are good friends, but I find that I have trouble trusting them, also. And these men are good men, by that I mean that they have good morals and have a gentle nature.

I just would like to be able to trust again. I am in counselling, just started, and my counsellor is male. I liked him on first impression, but these can be wrong. Just wondering if anyone has any ideas.

[TAFFY]

TRISOMY21 -- With my first relationship I did exactly that. I kept trying to push him away, because I didn't believe that he cared for me. In the end, I got out of the relationship because of several reasons: he would have psychotic episodes in which he accused me of giving him all kinds of various diseases, he punched holes in his mother's wall, and he never showed me any affection or intimacy whatsoever. I also have issues with body image because I'm overweight, and most of the men that I know with the exception of one, like women who are tiny. My one friend has a wife who is larger than me, and he likes "women with some meat on their bones". Thank you for responding.

 

SPARTICUSS -- I may PM you later today. Thanks for your offer.

[Gracelove]

I can imagine how hard it must be to trust men.

I heard something that actually made sense...here it goes

" When you don't trust other people, it's not about them. It's that you don't trust your ability to handle whatever situation may occur [through your interactions with them]"

After thinking about it, I know it's true for me. I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle what will come my way, so I just avoid certain things or people.

Reminding myself that I'm "in charge" of me, and that I can do what I want when I want, is definitely empowering. I begin to trust in my ability to remove myself from uncomfortable environments. And that's comforting, because that's one of my fears.

N-Eways, I hope I'm not rambling. I'm a little tired. I hope this makes sense, and that I've helped a little.

[TAFFY]

Grace, honey, that makes perfect sense, and I need to remember that myself. Thanks.

[BillyJean714]

" When you don't trust other people, it's not about them. It's that you don't trust your ability to handle whatever situation may occur [through your interactions with them]"

I LOVE what Grace said.

 

It's true. Taffy, I have trust issues to, similar to what you went through in the past. It hurts, but what I learned is, in some ways, what we went through is somewhat of a gift- in a very dysfunctional way, but it's still something that we can learn from. At least it makes us aware of things.

 

Some people are so trusting to the point where it's completely naiive. I say, trust your gut. I still deal with what you're going through, even til this day. It's a long battle, but you will get through it. When you meet the RIGHT person, you will let your guard down and you will trust that person, because for some reason, something about their character and the way they treat you, will allow you to trust them more. Last thing, we also learn to trust others by the way they treat us. So take your time. Just take it one day at a time, that's all we can really do for now.