Shutting my emotions off

[Skippy]

Hi All,

OK, 2yrs ago before i meet my ex i had total control of my emotions. You can come screaming at me and i would be bat and eye and would not twitch, i was in control.

THen my ex came in, somehow she opened my emotional side, and when i said opened, i mean opened. All of a sudden i could write peoms and stories like you wouldnt believe it and it was good. Surprizingly i won a few prizes along the way. But this relationship wasnt healthy because i couldnt control it, i mean i couldnt shut it off ( and let me tell you i tried and have been trying since),

OK so my question, I want to shut it off, it is killing me, all the past pains and memories are effecting me terribly. I feel insecure, i feel unstable, i feel LOST!.... and let me tell you that it isnt attrractive to the opposte sex!... although i can shoot a peom out from no where, in the long run my insecurites just totally takes over. NOT good... i want my old self back... i want NOT to "feel" so much, not to be sooo damn sensitive!!!..

Sometimes my hands are shaking, i cant retain my composure. It is destroying my relationships.

It is destrpoying my hairline!!...

HELP ME! PPPPLLLLLEEEEAAAASSSEE!!!

[teacup]

OMG. that's like me.....before the abusive exes. i used to be so dead inside. i miss that feeling. my freaking emotions got unleashed. now i think im half crazy cuz i can barely control myself. my mind's still there but my emotions are goooooooone! it's so helter skelter i dont even know what i want to do.

 

it's like i want to control myself but i can barely contain it.

 

i need help. part of it is anxiety. the other half is ocd. i

[shademan]

anger, taught me hate , hate , taught me wisdom.

[Skippy]

shademan.... please tell me your point.....

[darkblue]

What happened between you and your ex to end the relationship?

 

Being so open just means you have found someone who you feel comfortable with. It is not, in itself, a bad thing.

[Skippy]

darkbue, it was a relationship that was wrong... emotional pushing and pulling, somewhere i lost myself self respect...

THis pushing pulling played with my emotions till i could not take it anymore.. and affect me tremendiously. I've become a changed person.

Thus emotions are terrible because i am now weak. it effect my everyday life and i hvae become negative with it.

Somehow i am gong to have to shut it off or i will become a tragic case.

[ShySoul]

skippy,

 

Being shy and quiet I always tended to keep my emotions and feelings to myself. I was sensitive and emotional at times, but I learned to keep certain things in. I was in control of them and wouldn't let them out. Then I met one girl this year. She turned things upside down and suddenly I was feeling all kinds of new things. I wanted to scream out and tell everyone how I felt. I had always had a poetic heart, but she brought something else out of me, made me more aware of just what I was feeling inside. Just like with you, things happened and it wasn't pretty. Now I also feel like I can lose control at times. Normally I can stay even tempered. I don't cuss. But she would tell me things when it was ending that made my temper flare. I'd get very angry. I cussed her out on the phone once. And I still get highly emotionally at seemingly random times. Sometimes I'll want to cry, other times I am angry, other I just want to rush to her and be with her again. I've even worked myself up a couple times where my hands were shaking as well.

 

I know right now this must seem horrible to have your emotions coming out. I know you must want to shut it all down. You want to not feel anything, cause the pain hurts so bad. But the pain is necessary. Life is about our emotions, our emotions are part of what makes us who we are. If you turn off your emotions completely, sure you won't feel the bad. But you also won't feel the good. Shutting down isn't the answer. It's your desire to protect yourself, to avoid getting hurt. But you need to be able to feel these things in your life, for without them the good emotions wouldn't be so precious and valuable when they come your way.

 

Feeling these emotions does not make you weak, they make you human. They are within us all, and nothing to be ashamed of.

 

They key isn't to get rid of these emotions, it is to channel them. Find an outlet for your frustrations. Poetry is a good start. Much of the best poetry (and many a good country music song) comes from places of deep pain. Look at Edgar Allan Poe. His works are famous and he was a very troubled man. Or try martial arts, that is all about discipline and taming your inner rage. Point is to vent. Get it out of your system, as long as it isn't in a way that would be harmful to yourself or others. Also turn your attention to other things. School or work, focus on that. Find something to pass your time with, something that makes you feel good. Focus on the many good things about you, tell yourself you are a good person and get that respect back up.

[shademan]

i went through it all before , then i would get angry sometimes , and i wouldn't know why , i took a decision to embrace that feeling of anger , i felt strong, i'm talking constant anger , and staying quiet , just talking to myself , about what a *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* *CENSORED* i am to feel love and to be weak , the problem with that is it turned to hate, and hate isn't nice , cuz it spreads like cancer , i changed towards everyone , which made me lose alot of people and i still do , only i don't feel any remorse , but i learned that i have to use anger wisely next time .

[ShySoul]

shademan,

 

Sounds like you are paraphrasing the wise Yoda:

 

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."

 

You fear being alone, losing control of yourself and your feelings, being hurt deeply by what has happened. So you turn to anger. It's an outlet for frustrations and fear. That anger grew to hate, for anyone around you. And that hate just lead to suffering, hurting you and the people you are around.

[shademan]

ok , i'm impressed , but i never actually watched yoda or starwars , but if it was there then i gotta see that movie ... and you are the first one to actually understand me ! but understanding is different than living .

[ShySoul]

Understanding is different then living....

 

hmm....

 

Ok, you can sit back and understand how things work, about the world around you, but it doesn't do you any good unless you actually get out and live. Put into practice what it is you understand and believe.

 

Hehe.... I love bizarre and mysterious lines like that. Could go on for hours figuring them out. Here's a good one, PM me if you think you can figure it out.

 

"Understanding is a three edged sword."