Thinking about divorce

[owmart]

me and my wife have been married for about 4 months. she has a 7 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. I do not have any children but she has recently become pregnant with our child.

 

We do not share any common interests at all. i think the reason we got married is because when we met we were two lonely people who never really had any success with any other relationships.

 

we had problems during our relationship before marriage, but we always seemed to find a way through it.

 

I have a problem with withdrawal when i get angry. i simply shutdown all forms of communication.

 

I have seen doctors and me and my wife also have visited family counselors.

 

We recently had a falling out a few days ago and basically she told me she doesnt "care" anymore and that she cant take the emotional rollar coaster i put her through.

 

the therapy i have been trying to get isnt working so i am thinking about ending the marriage. I am not sure what to do becasue right now she is pregnant.

 

I still love her deeply and i think on some level she does too.

[RooferGirl23]

4 months is real soon to give up, but thats just my opinion. remember there is a child coming that will be affected by this for the rest of his/ her life. I know when we are angry our emotions and feelings run rampant, but I think take time. The vows of marriage are supposed to be taken very seriously. bad time will come, i get 'em often, but you must not give up, at least, not yet.

[RandomAdvisor]

You're going to counseling alone it sounds like - that's great. I'd recommend marriage counseling for the both of you together. If that doesn't work out then you should consider divorce more seriously. But four months is way too quick to give up when you haven't tried to fix things yet.

[RayKay]

I am with the others, I think 4 months is way too premature at this point to call it off.

 

You two are still adjusting to marriage together, you also have the added stress a pregnancy can bring (both good and bad!). I am happy to hear you are going to counselling, keep with it.

 

We do not share any common interests at all. i think the reason we got married is because when we met we were two lonely people who never really had any success with any other relationships.

 

we had problems during our relationship before marriage, but we always seemed to find a way through it.

 

I can't believe this is the ONLY reason you got married. There must be something there that makes you two compatible, or that struck your interest in one another. It's not always common interests that are necessary, but more of an understanding and respect for one another's interests.

 

What kind of problems? If they were big enough, why did you choose to still get married?

[Ms Omaniac]

like the others...i agree that 4 months is a little premature.

the only 2 cents that id like to add is that she IS pregnant. and pregnant women have a roller coaster of emotions. maybe she says stuff to you she doesnt mean...she's just going through some kind of chemical imbalance. some women also suffer from post partum depression...soooo even after the child is born...there may still be some problems.

i suggest try to be understanding and maybe ask her about this.

- ivy

[LostInMyThoughts]

Ditto on the 4 months thing.

 

Also, I don't think most states will let you file a petition for divorce if your wife is pregnant with your child.

 

I'm no lawyer though.

[Tigris]

4 months isn't very long!

 

The other thing is your wife will have loads of hormones racing through her body and she won't be her true self. My advice is you don't get a divorce yet, because your wife and the new baby will need your support.

 

I suggest you give your marriage a year and if nothing improves then start divorce proceedings.

 

Well done with going to counselling.

 

I hope everything works out for your family.

 

Good luck

[owmart]

well, six months into the marriage and we are going to go forward with the divorce. I am moving out of her house sometime in the next couple days. the marriage has failed. just wanted to let you guys know what happened. me and her just could not connect on any level...

[RayKay]

well, six months into the marriage and we are going to go forward with the divorce. I am moving out of her house sometime in the next couple days. the marriage has failed. just wanted to let you guys know what happened. me and her just could not connect on any level...

 

Thanks for the update owmart...I always wonder what happens to some "new posters" whom disappear and where the stories went.

 

I am very sorry to hear that things could not be worked out, but if you both could not connect, I think this is probably best.

 

It will be hard though and you still have to balance a friendship of sorts with each other as you two will be still having a child soon. I hope that you will still be able to raise your child together as best you can, though apart.

 

I still have those questions though from last time...there must be SOMETHING that made you get married, even without common interests...and what kind of problems did you choose to ignore and get married anyway? I know this relationship may be over, but these are good things to reflect on before you have a new relationship.

[owmart]

Well, i think the biggest thing that made us get together is the fact we both been through some bad relationships before me met. We both had a desire to get married and wanted to be in successful relationships. We enjoyed each other when we dated and we seemed to enjoy a lot of the same things.

 

We had some early warning signs in our relationship. But she would always do what she needed to do to make sure we stayed together. Now she is indifferent to me and doesnt care if i stay or go.

 

Dont get me wrong i did what i needed to do to get the relationship going but now i dont have a reason to keep fighting...

[darkblue]

What about the child on the way?

That should be your number one priority, and biggest concern.

 

Have you made plans? Spoke about it?

[colleen1534]

Take it from someone who is going through it. I was married for two months and found out we were pregnant, I am now six months along and am legally separated. Please I urge you to rethink everything. There has to be a good reason why the two of you got married, yes your thinking may be cloudy now but sit down and really think of you future and the future of you child. Trust me it may change everything for you. Remember that you both took vows, vows for life, not vows until it gets tough. Don't give up, something brought you two together you BOTH need to realize that and try and recapture it.