The inevitable happened...she broke NC

[Trax]

Sometimes its really scary how well my gut instinct works. After seeing her sign on to AIM for the first time last week in months I knew the ice would be broken soon. Hell, even before that I knew she'd eventually contact me. No messages were exchanged. I was certainly not going to contact her. She stopped using AIM because I did. I started using it again to get back in touch with old friends whom I hadn't really spoken to when we were together.

 

So when I came home today, I did my usual routine of checking my e-mail and seeing if any of my friends were on. Sure enough there she was. I honestly thought the only reason why she signed on was to get in touch with her friends because her favorite band played this past weekend. Didn't expect to see her again. She IM's me after a few minutes...Hi...just wanted to see how you were doin...I just want you to know that I hope we can talk someday again...as friends of course...I ignored it. No response, nothing.

 

She's trying to slowly ease her way back in. I knew this would happen. I cannot bend now. Not after over a month of NC. I know that this will only happen again probably with more frequency. I'm just worried about the phone call that will come...I know it will happen...my gut tells me so. I don't have caller ID so there's nothing I can do to avoid it. I just hope I'm ready for it.

 

I cannot be there for her. She treated me like garbage and thinks I'm just going to take whatever crumbs she throws my way. I honestly still haven't gotten closure from her, or the answers I was looking for or a real apology. If she does that, maybe I will speak with her, but her actions must speak louder than words.

 

For those of you worried about whether or not your ex misses you...they do...if you're the dumpee they will eventually contact you. Whether or not you want them back is up to you. Proceed with caution.

[heloladies21]

If she calls, you'll be fine. Don't agree to be friends or anything you don't want to. If your personal life comes up, be aloof and say that everything is going to the best. You did good today, NC has done you wonders.

[eimono]

Many of us are here with you.

 

I'm scared to death when my ex comes by or calls. She called me last week to get her coat back. FIRST thing I did was not answer the phone. (yeah I have caller ID)

 

Second thing I did was call two friends up and ask for support. They gave me a little help and reminded me to be strong when I dropped it off.

 

Don't let yourself forget the bad things they did to you. Remember why things didn't work out. DO NOT make excuses or play "maybe if" games!

 

Just work on yourself and be strong in NC. If she calls tell her you are busy and can't talk to her right now. No need to be rude, no need to make up a lie, just say that and get off the phone.

 

You're doing good, keep it up.

[Wimpy]

Not sure AIM works the same way as MSN but the first thing I did when my ex broke up with me was to delete him from my list of contacts so he couldn't see me on line and I couldn't see him.

 

Since I didn't want to speak to him it seemed the obvious thing to do.

 

Why don't you do the same - at least that problem's solved?????

[Jessica45]

You seem pretty strong about what you want, so i don't think you 'll have any problems.

[FCTex]

Trax,

 

Congrats, You've been going through the motions with me, we're pretty much on the same footing.

 

However, keep this in mind. You don't have to be ANYTHING to her that you don't want to be. You don't owe her anything in the world, nothing that you don't want to give to her.

 

I've moved on, and let go. I'm coming up on.. 4 months? Who knows at this point. I've met someone new, I'm having my fun with that..

 

One thing is this. My ex, is doing what yours in. Contacting to release some of the "pressure" they have for the break up. The fact that I'm not talking to her, the fact I don't talk about her to anyone between her and I(even her family who I work with). I almost don't know of her anymore. That bad. I will not be her friend.

 

4 calls, in 1 week. 3 text messages. 1 sappy/pathetic voicemail, pleading for me to call back. And 4 AIM messages.. Here I am.. All of this has come from her in the last 1 1/2 weeks.

 

How many have I replied to? None. Zip. Just tonight she asked on AIM, "Why won't you talk to me?"

 

Simply because woman, I have nothing to say to you. We have nothing to talk about, nothing in common, nothing to share, nothing to learn, nothing that you can't teach me. I'm teaching you. Here's your lesson in "silence".

 

If she calls, and you happen to answer, just simply excuse yourself. Be however you want to be on the phone with her. Remember, you don't owe her anything, this was all by her choice.

 

Your doing so well. Your so strong, and your finding that it's easier every time they try to break the NC, every time they try to ease their pain, simply just remember how hurt you were by them. Remember those tears, and the pain, and remember why your not talking to them, for whatever reason that might be.

 

Stay Strong.

[Ant5157]

I just wanted to say wow man ! I went threw the same thing as you are going threw , My ex emailed me today after 3 weeks of NC and to tell me hello and that he came by my house to see me but i havnt been there, I replied and said yes im doing fine to him and he told me happy thanksgiving to me . I didnt respond to him so , Im sorry it wouldnt have had to go this way if he wouldnt have broken up with me the way he did. And I will continue to do NC with him because to him everything seems all good to him right now but in honestley he feels so guilty about himself and he needs someone to talk to and I hate to be rude but he cant talk to me about his problems anymore. Just hang in there Im with you !

[minnie]

Me? 2wks no contact. Im like jekyll and hyde at the moment. One minute im determined to make it thru this, then i just wish i could erase him and the relationship out my life, and then carry on. Mines is a long story which i am sick to death of talking about. I have always been leaving... but never did. This is probly why i havent heard from him, cuz hes heard it all before.

I feel like he doesnt take me seriously, like he is just using me and i will always be around waiting for him - NO. Im out.

 

I am doing this purely for me, and no one else, i know my self esteem has dropped and i need to build it back up, and move on to better things.

 

I/we should be having fun, laughing and joking around, making memorable memories, not ones we'd rather forget.

 

I have soooo had enough of the way my life is heading, and the miserable person i have become, how do i get back to being free spirited and happy?

 

You all are doing great, and your stories are driving me and showing me then i can do it to. Keep it up x x x

[Trax]

Here's a link to my story so everyone looking at this thread knows my situation.

 

 

 

Basically, I feel like I have a couple of options here as I see it. I have no intention whatsoever of being her friend. I'm not going to sit on the sidelines while she sees what else is out there and be her emotional pillow. I don't think I should be anything to her at all. However, I also know that I still love her. I know I can't be with her ever again, but there's still that what if? in my mind. I just think at this point there's too much to overcome.

 

This brings me to my options. I can respond to her and basically tell her off. Very immature on my part I know, which lowers me a level and may give her back some control. I know it would feel good to get that emotional side out of me so she can see how badly she hurt me but, I don't know what it'd accomplish. However, I think she'd react in one of two ways: A) She'd get pissed and argue back and that would be the end hearing from her for a long time, if not forever or B) It'd make her realize (if she doesn't already) how badly she hurt me and make her push further contact.

 

Next option, I allow her to contact me, but don't respond. I know blocking her is an option, but at the same time I feel that I'm playing the role of a hockey goalie, deflecting away her attempts. It honestly felt good to have the control to not respond to her. She may put one past me, but I have to shake it off and get ready for the next shot and stay on my toes. It'll only make me stronger.

 

I can only imagine why she decided to break NC. I guess its A) She realized what she had and is trying to nudge her way back. B) Wants to keep me around in case things don't pan out otherwise or C) New guy(s)? she is dating/could be her BF now isn't working out so well and is pushing towards options A and B.

 

Just tonight she asked on AIM, "Why won't you talk to me?"

 

Simply because woman, I have nothing to say to you. We have nothing to talk about, nothing in common, nothing to share, nothing to learn, nothing that you can't teach me. I'm teaching you. Here's your lesson in "silence".

 

This is exactly how I feel. There's absolutely nothing to talk about. Unless she wants to apologize or give me some honest answers that I'm looking for there's nothing she can say to me really that will make me want to talk.

 

I guess I'm looking for some suggestions for the best route to take...respond and let her know friends is not an option or stay steadfast, aloof and greet her with silence?

[heloladies21]

Don't contact her. No need to change stratagies. She's got a new guy in her life so the issue is closed. Stay in NC and work on finding some other girls.

[Trax]

Oh, believe me I was certainly not going to initiate any contact. I guess I should have been more clear. What I meant was the next time she contacts me, should I do A or B, but your point is still well taken.