She has a boyfriend

[kholdstare]

Hello to all, been awhile since ive been on this but last time it helped alot. Ive recently gotten very close to a classmate, and there is a definite attraction between us everyone has mentioned it, but she is in this long term relationship. I dont know what to do Ive tried everything, but it still just comes down to an increasing sexual tension, and hurt feelings. I appreciate any advice.

[RooferGirl23]

Does she know how you feel?

[kholdstare]

yes she does, we have flirted quite a bit with one another, she has even admitted that it was more than just a friendship. I have tried to let her figure out what she truly wants but it is not as easily done as it is said.

[RooferGirl23]

Her having a b/f is proberbly the only thing blinding her from accepting the real feelings she has for you.

But since she DOES have a b/f, I would at least try to sustain a friendship with her, that way she is still in your life. and hey, things may not work out between them and you'll be right there!

[kholdstare]

the thing Im having trouble with is that if she does have feelings for me how she can just ignore them and maintain a relationship with her bf? SHould I just leave it be, ignore my feelings and just say we will be friends? Im sorry Im very confused by the mixed signals Im getting, and they have become very frustrating and seem to be monoploizing my thoughts.

[PocoDiablo]

I'd dump her flat. Make yourself unavailble. Not in a mean way, just start backing off.

 

She's got a boyfriend. If she really liked you, she'd dump him. If you back off you can tell her "Hey, you know, I think we'd be great together. Why don't you dump your man and date me? I promise to treat you just as bad as he does! " If she refuses, then tell her "Hey, that's cool, I understand. I'm looking for more than a kissing friend though, I am a real man and have real needs. You cannot give that to me so I am going to have to move on. I really hope you get things figured out with him." and walk away.

 

Then do your best to hang out with other women (even if you don't like them) who are attractive. Have a good time. Be happy. She'll see that she is losing you and will probably understand that you are a better choice than her existing man and come after you.

 

And if she does not... well, I don't want to be with anyone who does not recognize how cool I am. Seriously.

 

Good luck!

[kholdstare]

It is important to mention that we spend around 85% of our time together because of school, and socializing.

[AlwaysNeedHelp]

hi,

 

ur situation could hurt ur feelings.. and thats the first thing i dont want to happen to u...

 

as they said, make ur self unavailable a little bit.. but dont be mean.. + dont wait for her...

 

u dont want ur feelings to get hurt if you just waited for her and nothing happened..

 

Also i think u could feel whether there is hope or not.. if u can see considerable amount of hope then try to get her WITHOUT pressuring her or being too needy.. remember the most important thing is to take it step by step.. Things wont happen in a day or a night.. if there is something going to happen it will take TIME.. but u have hope but there is nothing u can do about it then just leave things happen alone..

 

dont think about it and let her go.. if things going to happen it iwll happen in the right time.. just leave things happen naturally.. good luck

[Dregnought]

Parhaps the reason why she is doing this is because shes unhapppy with her bf, and using you?

Maybe her bf is long distance, and she wants some physical contact?

Or could it be that she wants you, but doesnt want to dump her bf either?

 

The fact that everyone knows makes me think its a long distance relationship. You need to talk to her, get things straight. Find out what exactly is going on.

 

Good Luck.

[PocoDiablo]

Did you know that the #1 factor for people falling in love is proximity? I mean, physical proximity - how often you see someone.

 

If her BF is long distance and you're obviously not... then who knows. But also keep in mind that if you are too available, it's less attractive. In a weird way, women like a man who is not always available - someone who has his own life. That is why I was saying to back off a little. Basically, get a life besides hanging out with her and you will become more of a mystery to her, and she'll want to know why. She'll want to know what she did wrong, and then she'll think more about how valuable you are to her (or not.) Either way, you'll have a better understanding of where you stand with her.

 

However, I do stand by my words - you should never fool around with a taken women. You're the one getting fooled.

[kholdstare]

No its not long distance she actually lives with her bf

[Dregnought]

Interesting. looks like shes unhappy with her bf then.

Any ideas anyone?

[ShySoul]

Rather or not she is unhappy with her boyfriend, she still has a boyfriend. You shouldn't be pursuing her knowing this. What are the possible outcomes? You pursue her and she stays with her boyfriend. Then you just end up hurt. You pursue her and get her. The boyfriend hates you for stealing his girl, you will feel weird wondering if you broke them up, and she may feel guilty for leaving her boyfriend like that. And if she was unhappy with one boyfriend and went so quickly to another, do you think it could happen to you as well?

 

No, instead you need to let her and her boyfriend have their relationship. You don't want to get involved in it more then you already are. They need to sort out there feelings for each other, let the relationship go as long as it is still working. Should they break up and you end up together in the future, that is great. But right now it isn't wise to pursue it.

 

She is around you a lot. You seem to have much in common. So feelings could easily develop. But she is already in a relationship and loves who she is with. She can't just drop everything she has for you. She shouldn't be expected to and you don't really want that.

 

Be her friend. But cut back on the flirting. Don't take the attitude of needing to create as much distance as possible, finding someone else, etc. You still want to be friends with her. If you want, let her know how you feel. But say that you respect her and wouldn't want to do anything to come between her and her boyfriend.

[Dregnought]

. But she is already in a relationship and loves who she is with.

How can u be so sure, ShySoul?

 

I think we need to know what her intenstions reallly are. Ask, but dont get to annoyed if she doesnt want to say.

[atraceofblood]

hey, I am in almost a similar situation as you in that I feel attracted to a girl that has a b/f already. I feel like we have things in common that really attract me, something that I've never experienced before with a girl. But I respect her having a b/f and won't cross any lines unless she comes out to me. I admit that I have hope inside for her, but I can't just let out all my feelings, I think it'd hurt both of us.

 

I think you may be attached to this girl than my situation, so I'm not sure how you can go about that. I can only say that try not to be infatuated or obsessed with her because if things never work out, it might hurt a lot more. Definitely be friends with her, and keep your hopes up, just don't let it come out forcefully onto her, unless she becomes available or she starts doing stuff with you. Goodluck!

[ShySoul]

How can u be so sure, ShySoul?

 

I think we need to know what her intenstions reallly are. Ask, but dont get to annoyed if she doesnt want to say.

 

Ok, she may not love her boyfriend. But either way the situation is like sitting on dynamite. If she does love him, he's going to end up putting his heart out there and have it broken because she loves the guy she is with. If she doesn't love the boyfriend, it isn't a good reflection on her that she is still seeing him while heavily flirting with someone else. If she doesn't want to be with her boyfriend, why keep the relationship going? Why not talk things over and just split up?

[ducky]

She's got a boyfriend. If she really liked you, she'd dump him.

 

I gotta disagree here. Most ladies don't think like us guys. They don't change bf's as often as they change clothes ya know. They will think twice before breaking up with someone, because they don't want the guy to feel bad.

 

That's probably what's going through her mind now. She likes you on one hand, but on the other, she feels bad and guilty if she breaks with her current bf just because of you. If you really care for her as a friend, give her time to make up her mind on who's best for her. Don't push her.

 

That's my two cents.

[atraceofblood]

I gotta disagree here. Most ladies don't think like us guys. They don't change bf's as often as they change clothes ya know. They will think twice before breaking up with someone, because they don't want the guy to feel bad.

 

That's probably what's going through her mind now. She likes you on one hand, but on the other, she feels bad and guilty if she breaks with her current bf just because of you. If you really care for her as a friend, give her time to make up her mind on who's best for her. Don't push her.

 

That's my two cents.

 

I agree with you. I'm in a similar situation and I am trying to avoid pushing any feelings or anything that may cross the line between this girl and her current relationship. I think the only thing we can do right now is be friends, but don't give up on any hope!

[PocoDiablo]

I gotta disagree here. Most ladies don't think like us guys. They don't change bf's as often as they change clothes ya know. They will think twice before breaking up with someone, because they don't want the guy to feel bad.

I can understand where you are coming from - completely. But many people - and women - are afraid of being alone. They will "jump" from one relationship to another.

 

Yes, they will feel bad, but women often know a lot longer ahead of time that things are over. You see it all the time. Girl dumps guy. Girl dates new guy week later. Old guy is a wreck for six months. Why? Because the girl has been tired of the old guy for six months and finally got fed up with him. It's easy then - she's had 1,001 reasons built up but never told you - so as not to hurt your feelings. Have you ever been blindsided by a woman like that? If not, lucky you! (I resisted the obvious pun, thank you!)

 

That's probably what's going through her mind now. She likes you on one hand, but on the other, she feels bad and guilty if she breaks with her current bf just because of you. If you really care for her as a friend, give her time to make up her mind on who's best for her. Don't push her.

Sure - she likes him because he is new, fun, exciting. I bet the BF is boring, or has fallen into a routine and it's getting oooold! Boredom kills relationships.

 

If you really care about her - like Ducky say - give her time. Don't push her. Back off.

 

However, this has worked very well for me in the past:

 

"If your boyfriend is so bad, why don't you dump him and have an affair with me? I can treat you just as bad if you want!"

 

5 minutes later I had a new girlfriend.

 

That's my two cents.

[Dregnought]

"If your boyfriend is so bad, why don't you dump him and have an affair with me? I can treat you just as bad if you want!"

ROFL. Nice try, but i wouldnt try it, i'd see what her intentions were. Still, you could giv it a try....