My own experience...

[justaman]

Only a few people know about this, two close friends and now you.

 

To start off, I'd been lifting weights for about 7 years, never tried any supplements other than protein, vitamins, and creatine. Well, a friend of a friend asked me if I used steroids, and I said no. He replied back that he has some and would sell them to me cheap, but I turned him down. Come on now, we all know theyre bad for you right? Well, curiosity got the better of me and I started reading up on them, and turns out health wise they are pretty safe in moderation, so I figured what the heck, I've been lifting for a long time, maybe I'll just see what the hype is about, they can't really be the miracle that ppl make them out to be can they?

 

I started injecting 2x a week with the max recommended amount. By the 4th week, my strength was WAY up, I had gained almost 15lbs, my shirts and pantlegs were getting real tight, and was feeling/looking better than I ever had. I went and had my blood pressure taken, and it was higher than normal, but still pretty good. Heart rate was still normal, cardiovascular was good, I felt perfect. One of my lifting partners who was steroid free, who had always been stronger than me, was now on par with me. It was cool at first, but then something snapped. I cheated. Two more months of this and where would I be, 10-15 more lbs heavier, would I pass my friend up even farther? It seemed so easy, and noone knew! I hate cheaters, and I became one! All of these guys in here busting there asses to get shown up by me who gained more in a month than they do in a year!

 

After I finished the 5th week I stopped. The steroids continued working for another 2 weeks, and during this time I felt fine, everything was fine! Round about the 3rd week, I started taking meds to get my natural testosterone production back up, anti-estrogens, etc. Couple my now low testosterone with breast cancer meds (synthetic engineered estrogens, and estrogen blockers), and I fell into a DEEP depression. I hated myself for cheating, and for the first time felt suicidal. It was a strange sensation, something I wont forget. I realize it was 'only hormonal', but WOW, I had no idea how big a role they play in mental health.

 

Until this time, I believed everyone should be happy, that there is no reason why anyone would ever feel like commiting suicide. I now know different, and I hope and pray for each and every one of you that is going through this, for WHATEVER reason, that you can make it out of this, and your life WILL get back on track. DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!

[darkblue]

You are off them now?

Do you feel better now?

Are you still weightlifting?

 

Inspirational story, thanks for sharing it, justaman.

[justaman]

I tried to get back in the gym while I was severely depressed, but looking at the weights, looking in the mirror at how much muscle I gained, and wondering if anyone suspected anything just added to the depression.... weird I know. Imagine not being able to tell anyone either, and putting my wife through that, who to this day doesn't know what I was doing.

 

I'm back in the gym, have been for a while now. Mentally and physically I feel great! Not using now, won't be using again.

[Dako]

justaman,

 

Thanks for the insightful post, and congratulations for getting off the juice.

 

Some of us deal with suicidal urges for years. We work, play and live our lives without anyone suspecting. It takes effort to avoid attracting attention or becoming a needy sort.

Ironically, it takes a type of strength.