Stuff he gave me

[nadine_3110]

I was wondering if you should give back the stuff your ex gave you. For example: He gave me a case for my palm pilot, it's really useful and I really appreciated him getting it for me, but it reminds so much of him. And then there's this sweater of his that my roomate borrowed when we were together, and never returned it cus we broke up. I want to know if I should maybe give them back to him. Not directly of course, but should I give them to my sister, to give to his brother, to give to him. Cus I feel like the reason I'm hanging on to that stuff is cus I'm trying to hang on to him. Oh yes and I had bought him a shirt for his birthday, I'd like to ask the guys out there if they would ever wear a shirt their ex gave them again? Just curious...

[Tony29UK]

Now i was thinking exactly the same thing. Give it all back to her or burn the lot!

I decided on putting the whole lot (clothes,cards,letters,pictures,gifts,airline tickets, anything concerning her or us) into a cardboard box, duck taped up and placed in the garage. If i still feel like getting rid of it at a later date then i can rather than dispose of it whilst in an emotional state and regret it later. Out of sight out of mind.

[Serendipity1607307077]

To help yourself with the process of healing, you should get rid of it... even if it is useful, you can always buy yourself the items later should you require them!

[Hawk]

I prefer Tony's idea - just make sure you put it somewhere that in a weak moment you won't be tempted to open it up and open another dose of heartache!

[nadine_3110]

So I shouldn't give anything back to him, indirectly of course? what about the shirt I bought him, will he ever wear it? Just want to know.

[Hawk]

He might, but why not keep it and give it to someone else - maybe christmas, or maybe that new person that you are going to meet down the trak?

[Tony29UK]

It is of course your choice Nadine. I personally would just box it up and put it away. I dont reckon i'd wear a shirt that an ex gave me, would just bring back memories. If it were me i'd probably get a bit upset if i went round to give everything back, maybe have a confrontation on the doorstep.. why put yourself through it? Think about you and your feelings.

[lady00]

I'd say don't give back any gifts he gave you. If you don't want them anymore, give them to charity or put them away if you think you'll use them in the future when you're over him. As for the things that are actually his, like his sweatshirt, I would say, yes, give those back.

[annie24]

Gifts are gifts. They are meant for the recipient to keep them, even if things go bad. Now the sweater that your roommate borrowed, that would be something to give back. But the palm pilot - that was a gift for you. If you don't want to use it anymore, give it to someone else, or give it to charity, or put it in a box in the back of your closet.

 

I think that some guys would wear a shirt that their ex gave them. If they like the shirt, why not? You bought it for him to wear, after all.

 

But don't give the gifts back! I think it's just tacky.

[annie24]

The only gift that's supposed to be given back upon a breakup is an engagement ring, as it is a "conditional gift" - a gift given on the condition that the two people get married. Depending on where you live, and the circumstances of the breakup, the man may be entitled to get the ring back.

 

Everything else, books, sweaters, other kinds of jewelry, palm pilots - those, you keep!

[nadine_3110]

Thanks guys and girls, that really helped a lot.

[moondog627]

I also think it's in bad taste to give something back out of spite (though it's hard to help when you're so emotional). In my case, I did give everything back. And I mean EVERYTHING (gifts, photos, any reminder, which came to about 10 bags full of stuff). But I didn't do it out of spite (which I made clear to her in a farewell letter). I simply could not bear to even deal with ANY of that stuff. I couldn't just box it up cuz I knew I would just go rummaging thru it at some point. And I couldn't throw the stuff away either. I decided to let her do what she wanted with all the memories. Who knows, she could have thrown everything away. It doesn't matter to me at this point. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind....

[nadine_3110]

I don't want to give his stuff back out of spite, I'm not mad at him, I miss him. I would give his stuff back because it's hard to look at them, but nowadays it's hard to look at anything without thinking of him. I guess I would give his stuff back because I want him to think that I'm over him, just so he doesn't worry about me. I don't want to keep him from living his life.