Are shy guys players when drunk?

[swtpea1221]

Okay, so I must know. Are shy guys players when drunk?

 

I've had enough experience with alcohol to know not to read into much, analyze, or treasure a drunken moment b/c anything that can't come out sober, probably wasn't supposed to come out at all.

 

BUT....

 

I'm dying to know how shy guys act around girls when they're drunk. If they like a girl, will they act more friendly around them when they're drunk, or will they still be shy? If they do act friendly only when drunk and then become shy again when sober, it REALLY makes the girl feel stupid and used.

 

I'd also like to know if shy guys are really shy or if deep down, they'd like to make the first move. Sure, it might be easier for them if the girl initiated, but if you're really head over heels for a girl, would you take the leap and initate? Or must you only do it when you're drunk?

[darkblue]

Dutch courage - or so they say.

 

It's possible that shy men/women are more direct with people they are attracted to - while under the influence.

 

They could be so smashed that they don't know what they are doing. It's best to find out while bost parties are sober; to save the doubts of true intentions.

[summer_in_greece]

Maybe, but I would strongly recommend against getting drunk to meet someone. YOu will probably end up with some one who you will regret being with when you become sober. Remember the expression "beer goggles."

[shelbymustang_fan]

Well, I'm a shy guy, and like everybody else, I tend to loosen up when I'm drunk. And the 2nd question- Yes I am shy. However; deep down I want to make the first move. But no matter how much I try, I can never bring myself to initiate things. But, I'm doing my best to change b/c I really do want to make a move someday.

[swtpea1221]

Ohh, that's awesome Shelbymustang!

I mean, it's not awesome that you have a hard time to initiate things, but I think it's awesome that you have the will to initiate. I thought that might be what shy guys think. (And it also makes me feel better for waiting for the guy to make the first move b/c my mom sometimes says I should have the "go get em" attitude, and that just doesn't sit right with me.) Would you say that you lose a bit of interest, then, in a girl that makes the first move? I think if you really found someone that rocked ur socks, you'd initate. Maybe it's just not the right time.

[volution]

I'm shy, but I find my confidence is artificially increased when I have a few drinks.

I used to go heavily drinking quite a lot a few years back, but now I only maybe have a 'mad night' on special days like Halloween or Christmas Eve (like most people do).

I don't even normally drink anymore!!!

 

I've always wanted the confidence I appeared to have when I was drunk remain with me permanently.

Alcohol is a disinhibitor - it removes our inhibitions, we feel we can do almost anything.

The last time I was out, was with a colleague on the Halloween Monday (god - I'm NEVER drinking like that again on a Monday!!), we had two pitchers of Vodka cocktail, and I actually managed to go up and start talking to some girls!

I wished I could do this when I was sober!

 

It is easier to find someone attractive when you're drunk - I believe somehow the alcohol turns off our 'protective circuits' and we could easily end up taking someone home and sleeping with them, even if they are totally incompatible with us or unsuitable.

The risk for me is, if I was ever to do this, I'd probably end up falling in love with them (I just fall in love toooooooo easily), so I don't really make any serious moves on women - I don't want to get hurt; I find it hard to dissasociate sex & intimacy from love.

I know some people feel clubs, bars etc. are just there for one-night stands and 'fun', and I don't disagree so much anymore, but I'm not one of those that likes going to those places, and most definitely not every night and weekend.

Sometimes I've thought about going to a bar or something and just finding someone to sleep with, because my urges become very powerful.

I'm a man and have the male urges just like all other men, and boy I'd love to satisfy it in the natural way, but I just am not really that kind of guy!

There are many people that go from person to person sleeping with hundreds of different people, never really finding true fulfilment; I can only see fulfilment in a deep and meaningful and committed and lifelong relationship - not jumping around from different women each week!

 

In answer to the title - no matter how drunk I get, I seem to have control of my will, and in the past, when I have loved someone, I didn't ever throw caution to the wind.

I think it's all down to self-control. People use drink as an excuse of losing it - but I believe it's a pretty lame excuse; and I believe too many women put up with it... If a man cheats once when he's drunk, then he'll cheat again and again and again, because if the woman accepts his excuse, he knows he can get away with it...

[darkblue]

I agree with volution.

It is used as an excuse.

 

Those of us who choose to exercise self-constraint, will not end up being the father of an unwanted baby .

[hk87]

I do get mroe confident when drunk, but I never go past the stage when I feel myself getting a little fuzzy.... I've only ever once got completely wasted, and that was not pretty, so I kinda have an inbuilt mechanism that stops me from going too far now as I never want to end up like that again. Well, this is the other way round, but I'm way more touchy/feely, can look at them for longer, ask them things I wouldn't usually dream of, and talk and giggle lots lots more. I would never make a move on a guy as I am far far too shy in that department, even while under the influence. I would maybe hint that I liked him, but never come out and say it. I have tried to get over it, but I'm just so so scared and I can't help it.

Hk87

[Maverick32x]

im usually kinda shy... but when i get a few drinks in me i REALLY REALLY open up alot more

 

i think its for the best, since i dont drink to a dangerous amount, but i like to drink to a point where i dont feel self conscious about asking a girl to dance, or w/e...

[Caldus]

I'm shy, but I find my confidence is artificially increased when I have a few drinks.

 

Same here. In general, I'm not really open with people unless I have known them for a while. After a few drinks, I just seem to want to open up with everyone around me.

[El Señor]

I don't know what to tell you about me. I do get a little better after having a bit of the bubbly, but unfortunately I can never drink so much to get drunk. I seem to have my family's intollerance to alcohol; I get "hang overs" right after drinking... sometimes while so doing.

 

About making the first move. I haven't ever asked a girl out. But I really wish I could get the courage. The closest I could ever reasonably come to being drunk is to miss a night of sleep.

 

OH MY GOD! That is what I have to do. I have to miss a night of sleep, then I will be able to talk to that girl a whole lot easier.

 

Time to drink some caffine and work on homework. Thanks for getting this topic going

 

 

 

 

Señor

[hammo]

I've found i get a lot more confident while drunk. I'm normally quite shy, but when i'm drunk i open up a lot more and talk even to strangers without being shy. Often i become the 'center of the show' with people just sitting and listening to the stories i tell. My friends tell me that i'm incredibly funny when i'm drunk, and that's in a good way. I just seem wittier and more full of energy. I've never let myself get absolutely wasted, and luckily i seem to never get hang-overs.

If you can control yourself like i can (most of the time), i say drink away, but not too much and not too often (for me it's like once a month).

 

A strange thing - when i get a bit drunk, like everyone i get attracted to girls more, even if i don't normally feel that way. The weird thing is that when i sober up, these feelings often remain. The girl i currently like, i would have never even thought of liking until a few a months ago. I used to think she was actually kinda ugly. when i got drunk at a party she was at, i talked with her the whole time (attracting a large audience at the same time), and found that she suddenly was a lot prettier than i thought before. I've asked her out twice since (i'd known her for like 6 years)

 

 

About initiating things, i find it difficult to initiate anything with a girl. I've only asked three girls out in my life (each one twice tho) and two of them was by text message so i don't know if that even counts. I do want to be the one initiating tho, and i don't feel too worried when i do get rejected cos it gives you an awesome adrenaline rush.

 

 

 

I find a lack of sleep can be just as effective as getting drunk. It makes people a lot funnier.

[El Señor]

I find a lack of sleep can be just as effective as getting drunk. It makes people a lot funnier.

 

Thanks for the confidence I'm actually quite a fruit around people for whom I don't have "feelings", if you know what I mean. Hopefully I can be this way tomorrow night.

 

It's 1:00 in the morning now. I have to be in school by 10.

 

 

Good luck on getting drunk everyone. I wish you success.

 

 

 

 

Señor

[El Señor]

It's only quarter after three, and already I'm starting to feel the loosyness. This is GREAT!

[hammo]

hey i don't want anyone dying of sleep depravation beacuse of me, if you stay awake too long you start slurring your speech and people start thinking you have a speech impediment or something. 24 hours is long enough.

 

And i'm not sure but a lack of sleep might just make you seem funnier to yourself. I would'nt know cos i only stay up a long time if i'm with friends who don't sleep either.

[ShySoul]

Regardless of rather or not a person is shy, alcohol loosens inhibitions and makes people likely to do things they wouldn't normally do. As for how far someone goes, it varies with the person. Some will get crude and act like a player, others won't. But the ones who are more likely to be players are the ones who are players to begin with. A shy person would need to be in a very messed up state through the alcohol and emotionally as well in order to be like that, at least in my opinion.

 

Alcohol is false confidence. It doesn't address the real issues and it will only serve to mess things up in your life. You want someone to like you for you, the real you that appears everyday not the alcohol induced you.

 

Good luck everyone on NOT getting drunk.

[swtpea1221]

Hey, I love reading all of your comments, hehe.

 

and ShySoul just gave me an idea:

 

Good luck everyone on NOT getting drunk.

 

In addition to our views on getting drunk, why don't we start posting our experiences in which we are tempted with alcohol but use our better judgment to stay away from it in order to:

 

A. Avoid screwing up a potential meaningful relationship

B. Conquer our shyness, completely sober

C. Build self-confidence

D. Increase our acting skills b/c chances are if we're sober, we may have to fake being drunk for a while in order to get in the groove of what it feels like to be sober and brave lol

E. Other

 

So yeah... let me know how it goes! I'm gonna try really hard myself. There should be prizes or somethin for this! lol

[ShySoul]

swtpea, I'm totally loving letter D. I enjoy acting, so I have acted drunk before. Though it was to show how silly people act when they are drunk.

 

I've dealt with people I care for being drunk and being alcoholics. So I refuse to have any alcohol. Most people I'm around either don't drink as well or respect my wishes and don't say anything. But a little under a year ago I went out with some acquanitances while they were busy bar hopping and getting drunk. I think they almost viewed it as a competition to see who could convince me to have my first drink ever. I never had any intention of drinking, but I played along anyways. Said it would have to be the right person asking (who interestingly was like the only one not to ask). Gave them impossible riddles and said I would drink if they got it right. Had fun giving them a hard time.

 

Didn't drink cause I don't see the point in it. I don't need alcohol to have a good time. I know it just isn't me, not something I want to do. I may be shy, I may be quiet. But that's who I am and I am proud of it. I think it shows more confidence to stick to your guns and just be you and let your natural personality show, even if it isn't outgoing and loose.

[antigravity]

When I drink, I do get more confident, but I don't become the centre of attention.

 

In fact what normally happens, is I end up getting very tired, and get depressed towards the end of the night.

 

However I take ecstasy from time to time, and that has a completely different effect on me. I fall in love with everyone, and get along with everyone. It's not so much a sexual thing, but I open up to everyone.

 

Nearly everytime I end up with a girl, or end up hanging out with people i've never met before! The next day isn't that great though

[Mix Maxster]

I wouldn't need to get drunk to ask you for a fun time sweetpea, haha (jokes)

 

Actually for me, I still get nervous when I approach a girl, but I find it ruins my "game" if I drink or become intoxicated before talking to a girl. I can't seem to make sense.

 

As for the question.. what do you mean by the first move? If yous talking about guys initiating contact or kissing, touching, holding and all that. For that I'll say that I always am the one to make the first move. Unless the girl is faster at it than me lol. But if you mean the first one to make a move as in the first one to approach the other... I'd say that I, like a lot of other people, like to know that the other person is interested first (fear of rejection).

 

So hope that helped

[Taomagicdragon]

I've never "made a move" and my shyness comes from many different layers of thought.

 

One being that I am afraid of it. Afraid of lbearing out my well guarded heart and have it torn a part.

 

Another tihng is I am battling a thought that I am not worthy of love (long story short - abused and made to feel worthless for 10 years, takes time to fight that back)

 

I don't want to start a relationship that may end, want to save the girl from pain of a break-up as well as dealing with the pains I carry.

 

Finally, I feel that I can't in my position in life. I am looked up to by so many people, I am their hope, I give them strength, and am seen kinda as a hero to them. ANd it;s hard for those of morality to let themsleves have love for the simple reason, that after a while, anytihng that makes you feel good gives you guilt that you may be using whatever, or whomever, is giving you the pleasure.

 

There are likely more layers than these, but these are a great start to my own reasons.

[Caldus]

You sound somewhat like me.

 

My gut feeling (and thereforeeee maybe not true) is that you're making up all of these excuses not to approach a girl.

 

If there's one really, truly good thing I learned in life, it's simply jumping into the jungle and just let things happen. Forget about the chance of you breaking up with a girl once you get into a relationship.

 

You do, however, need to analyze your motives for getting into a relationship. Most people do it to simply be 'happy' or 'complete' in some way. You shouldn't just try to look for one in order to fill that void in you. Not the best solution. It is only a temporary solution. So it is, however, wise to analyze your motives.

 

As for the rest ... I say leave it up to fate.

[swtpea1221]

As for the question.. what do you mean by the first move?

 

I meant initiating interest... like inviting the girl to the bar (although we know this isn't the smartest type of inivitation lol), to your place to jam, out to the city... etc. But it was good to get your thoughts about initiating the physical:

 

If you're talking about guys initiating contact or kissing, touching, holding and all that, for that I'll say that I always am the one to make the first move. Unless the girl is faster at it than me lol.

 

But I'm seeing one main recurring reason (the fear of rejection) in guys for not initiating general friendship-type interest, and I'm not so sure that this is beneficial for your relationship aspirations.

 

if you mean the first one to make a move as in the first one to approach the other... I'd say that I, like a lot of other people, like to know that the other person is interested first (fear of rejection).

 

Shouldn't the most important basis for a relationship be based on friendship? How are you supposed to know if the girl is even right for you if you never even become friends? If you're scared that the girl will "reject" your friendly "let's-get-tio-know-each-other" initiative, then she's not worth your time in the first place.

 

If you had confidence in yourself and loved you for you, then you wouldn't be torn by a trite rejection. You would think to yourself that she was the one that lost out, not you. I'm saying this only because I have been in your same position when people have told me that I should initiate getting to know a guy that I'm interested in. When he ignores or overlooks me, people have told me the same thing, which has helped - their loss not urs. And more importantly, you have the satisfaction of knowing that at least you tried and won't regret never knowing.

[swtpea1221]

Okay, now Taomagicdragon, you're situation is a little different.

 

Another thng is I am battling a thought that I am not worthy of love (long story short - abused and made to feel worthless for 10 years, takes time to fight that back)

 

Your fear comes from a tragic childhood experience, which upon my first thought, i would say is different. But I agree with Caldus. Fear is fear, and I think you should try to conquer it just like all of the other shy guys whose fear stems from we may consider to be a less tragic reason.

 

If you let your past consume you, you'll never be able to get ahead. I've actually realized that I've been battling a similar issue. I was teased a lot growing up for being a miniority, and I've been noticing how I make the excuse that one of the main reasons for my previous low-self esteem was due to my childhood teasings. But how long are we going to harbor these insecurities and let them consume us? We can make this our excuse and continue to live in fear, or we can conquer our past by using our tribulations that have once weakened us to now strengthen us for the future.

 

I don't think we should forget the past though. It was impressionable to us and important because it shaped us. But what we need to do is let go of the fears that went along with that past and give them to God.

 

Finally, I feel that I can't in my position in life. I am looked up to by so many people, I am their hope, I give them strength, and am seen kinda as a hero to them.

 

How much greater of an inspiration you would be if you showed them how you have let go of your greatest fear!

 

ANd it's hard for those of morality to let themsleves have love for the simple reason, that after a while, anytihng that makes you feel good gives you guilt that you may be using whatever, or whomever, is giving you the pleasure.

 

Ah, yes! I too have felt this way, especially in recent months. But if it's right, you won't be "using" the other person. Your significant other will be there for you just as much as you'll be there for her. And if you think it's selfish to ask for a signif. other as I have felt before, we should also remember that God would not have given us this desire if He did not have a plan for us to use it.

 

I think how we want our signif. other is what we should be focussing on rather than our feeling bad for even wanting one. If we seek our desires humbly, faithfully, and peacefully through God, I think we will receive what we are yearning for in our hearts.

 

I am still working on all of these issues myself, but being able to realize what I need to work on is definitely a milestone for me, one which has given me great hope for the future.

[SkyFire]

Are they players? No.

 

But drinking to a certain extent, gives you some artificial confidence.