swtpea1221

I'm doing well, and I haven't drank since I started the thread. Granted, the temptation is always there, and I agree like everyone else, that it is easier to talk to someone when I am drunk, although I am learning that maybe we weren't meant to talk to that person in the first place if that is the only way that we can effectively communicate with them. Maybe it's just not our time to be open with someone. Maybe we're supposed to be shy right now and stay to ourselves. Perhaps this is time for us to learn and grow on our own so that we may become stronger for the time when it is meant for us to meet the right one. This is the new philosophy that I've had as of late, and I must say, it's very comforting. I feel completely at peace with my decisions and just try to follow my path instead of wondering if I am supposed to change it to fit with someone else's. I am told that when it's right, we will know, and I firmly believe that. If we ask, we shall receive, right? If you want what I used to want (to have short-term fun, random hookups, dramatic stories to tell...etc.) then go drinking and talk to the people you are too scared to talk to in person. But if you want something really meaningful (as I think all of us in this forumn want), then maybe you need to stop drinking so you can get your life together and be the strong individual that you are supposed to become. This is so different from what I would've said a few months ago!! But I'm learning so much lately, and I have to share it with you!! And lastly, don't beat yourselves up so much about thinking that you aren't doing enough to attract the right girl. You may think you're doing everything wrong, but maybe you are doing everything right by being yourself. I, myself, enjoy shy guys. They are so humble and kind!! I LOVE THEM!!! So stay yourselves!!!!

Yeah, me too. I'm mainly straightedge during the school year, but I used to have a hay-day during the summer (and sometimes winter breaks). My fave drink is tequilla, so you can only imagine where that gets me. But lately, all I've been thinking about is how messed up my life gets when I drink. Maybe it's different for some people, but I almost always get emotionally hurt in some way. So now I'm trying really hard to not get involved with alcohol, but it's really difficult, especially me being a senior in college. I keep looking at all these facebook pics of kids my age drinkin, laughing, and writing messages to each other about all of their fun times, and I wonder if I'm missin out. I feel so lonely here b/c I choose to not get involved with the mainstream activities. That's interesting. What do you mean by "mental freedom?" You can talk more openly about social/political issues etc? That's cool if you can get mental inspiration from alcohol - if it's good I guess. All I've ever received from alcohol was a lot of unnecessary drama and turmoil. But on the same token, I have never regretted those experiences and use them as life lessons. So who knows. Right now, my view is to stay away from it b/c it's preventing me from staying on the right path. But in your case, since you drink moderately, I think that's awesome, but most likely there's a way that you could free yourself without having to use alcohol.

Okay, now Taomagicdragon, you're situation is a little different. Your fear comes from a tragic childhood experience, which upon my first thought, i would say is different. But I agree with Caldus. Fear is fear, and I think you should try to conquer it just like all of the other shy guys whose fear stems from we may consider to be a less tragic reason. If you let your past consume you, you'll never be able to get ahead. I've actually realized that I've been battling a similar issue. I was teased a lot growing up for being a miniority, and I've been noticing how I make the excuse that one of the main reasons for my previous low-self esteem was due to my childhood teasings. But how long are we going to harbor these insecurities and let them consume us? We can make this our excuse and continue to live in fear, or we can conquer our past by using our tribulations that have once weakened us to now strengthen us for the future. I don't think we should forget the past though. It was impressionable to us and important because it shaped us. But what we need to do is let go of the fears that went along with that past and give them to God. How much greater of an inspiration you would be if you showed them how you have let go of your greatest fear! Ah, yes! I too have felt this way, especially in recent months. But if it's right, you won't be "using" the other person. Your significant other will be there for you just as much as you'll be there for her. And if you think it's selfish to ask for a signif. other as I have felt before, we should also remember that God would not have given us this desire if He did not have a plan for us to use it. I think how we want our signif. other is what we should be focussing on rather than our feeling bad for even wanting one. If we seek our desires humbly, faithfully, and peacefully through God, I think we will receive what we are yearning for in our hearts. I am still working on all of these issues myself, but being able to realize what I need to work on is definitely a milestone for me, one which has given me great hope for the future.

I meant initiating interest... like inviting the girl to the bar (although we know this isn't the smartest type of inivitation lol), to your place to jam, out to the city... etc. But it was good to get your thoughts about initiating the physical: But I'm seeing one main recurring reason (the fear of rejection) in guys for not initiating general friendship-type interest, and I'm not so sure that this is beneficial for your relationship aspirations. Shouldn't the most important basis for a relationship be based on friendship? How are you supposed to know if the girl is even right for you if you never even become friends? If you're scared that the girl will "reject" your friendly "let's-get-tio-know-each-other" initiative, then she's not worth your time in the first place. If you had confidence in yourself and loved you for you, then you wouldn't be torn by a trite rejection. You would think to yourself that she was the one that lost out, not you. I'm saying this only because I have been in your same position when people have told me that I should initiate getting to know a guy that I'm interested in. When he ignores or overlooks me, people have told me the same thing, which has helped - their loss not urs. And more importantly, you have the satisfaction of knowing that at least you tried and won't regret never knowing.

My friend just asked me a question the other day regarding "the one." She said that if our desire to be with someone can not be fulfilled by God, then how can it ever be fulfilled by a person of the flesh? She further explained her point in a way that I never thought of before. She continued by asking why we think that we are only going to be happy when we find THE one. Instead of waiting, longing, and desiring for a person, we should be waiting, longing, and desiring for God, which is much easier to find - it's only one prayer away. I can't say that I have ever waited, longed, and desired for God's love as much as I have for an intended's. Also, it was only until recently that I could tell God that I truly loved Him. It was just something that I never could comprehend before - I used to just see God as a provider and a creator. To treasure Him as much and more as "the one," seemed unfathomable.

Wow, I've recently had the same problem!! At least your guy told you his feelings. That's good. But the fact that he doesn't follow through on things shows that he is not making you enough of a priority (the whole "actions speak louder than words" thing). Don't completely write the guy off -it seems like he genuinely does have feelings for you, however, it also looks like he's not ready for a relationship right now. This doesn't mean he's a bad guy - it just means that he has other things going on his personal life to straighten out before he can focus clearly on you. Think of it this way - if he can't make time for you now, chances are he won't make enough time for you in a relationship. Just let him go for now - that's my advice. Stay friends and communicate. Don't give up hope, but don't sweat this situation. Regardless of whether you are supposed to be with him or not, you deserve to be treated better ALL THE TIME, no matter how much he says he likes you. So don't get discouraged. I've recently had the same thing happen to me and felt like crap for a while, but then I realized that I'm worth feeling special, and perhaps the person that should most make you feel special is yourself (and God if you are religious)

Hey, I love reading all of your comments, hehe. and ShySoul just gave me an idea: In addition to our views on getting drunk, why don't we start posting our experiences in which we are tempted with alcohol but use our better judgment to stay away from it in order to: A. Avoid screwing up a potential meaningful relationship B. Conquer our shyness, completely sober C. Build self-confidence D. Increase our acting skills b/c chances are if we're sober, we may have to fake being drunk for a while in order to get in the groove of what it feels like to be sober and brave lol E. Other So yeah... let me know how it goes! I'm gonna try really hard myself. There should be prizes or somethin for this! lol

Hey all, Thanks to those of you who messaged me or posted some really thoughtful advice. Markers hit the nail on the head - one of my weaknesses is obsession, and I tend to get carried away with it by dwelling on things both good and bad. I wanted to write you all and let you know that I did take your advice. I thought a lot about what you said, and I definitely don't want to end up regretting something out of fear. So I messaged him this past Saturday and asked him if he wanted to go into the city with me to buy a new guitar string etc. But he never messaged me back or called me, and I know that he checks his messages daily b/c I often see him posting messages to other girls online. So, as with the other "coincidences," I'm taking this to mean sign as well - Move on! I feel pretty lame for initiating and making an effort, but on the other hand, I feel both relieved from any regrets that I could have had if I didn't try, and also, if he never really liked me, he probably hardly even noticed that I did like him. So all is well. I really appreciate the advice and the support. Now, I'm moving on and taking this experience as another piece of wisdom to add to my journey. I have also realized, upon talking with more people both in the forum and on other networks, that what I was missing all along was support - not necessarily from a signif. other. In addition, I also realized that the guy that I liked isn't as spiritually strong as I idealized him to be. He has inspired me to follow my musical passions, but his inspiration should not be confused with the desires of the heart. Many times, as I am coming to see, we search so hard to find what is right in front of us among friends and family - love, peace, and joy. Please keep me posted on the latest among your lives. Your words mean a great deal, and please let me know if there's any way that I can help to support you! Thanks!!! and Best

You don't have to feel bad about that - you let your friends make you feel bad about that b/c I think you have a set of morals, which make you feel like you shouldn't go by looks. But if it's meant to be, I think God would want you to be with someone that you find very attractive. These are all things I found when I was searching for what a signif. other should mean to me: "All beautfiul you are, my darling, there is no flaw in you." Song of Songs 4:7 "Turn your eyes from me; they overwhelm me" Song of Songs 6:5 "You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride!" -Song of Songs 4:9

Ohh, that's awesome Shelbymustang! I mean, it's not awesome that you have a hard time to initiate things, but I think it's awesome that you have the will to initiate. I thought that might be what shy guys think. (And it also makes me feel better for waiting for the guy to make the first move b/c my mom sometimes says I should have the "go get em" attitude, and that just doesn't sit right with me.) Would you say that you lose a bit of interest, then, in a girl that makes the first move? I think if you really found someone that rocked ur socks, you'd initate. Maybe it's just not the right time.

Okay, so I must know. Are shy guys players when drunk? I've had enough experience with alcohol to know not to read into much, analyze, or treasure a drunken moment b/c anything that can't come out sober, probably wasn't supposed to come out at all. BUT.... I'm dying to know how shy guys act around girls when they're drunk. If they like a girl, will they act more friendly around them when they're drunk, or will they still be shy? If they do act friendly only when drunk and then become shy again when sober, it REALLY makes the girl feel stupid and used. I'd also like to know if shy guys are really shy or if deep down, they'd like to make the first move. Sure, it might be easier for them if the girl initiated, but if you're really head over heels for a girl, would you take the leap and initate? Or must you only do it when you're drunk?

The first time we met could be attributed to a random coincidence: I was sitting at a computer in the computer lab, and he (unaware that I was there) sat down at the same table to use the computer that was directly accross from mine. Then, at the same time, we both must have wondered who we were sitting accross from and peered our heads overtop of our computers at the same time. It was really funny, and he was like, "wow, that was weird." lol. Well, him sitting there led to a conversation about grad schools and music therapy, (a recent revelation that I had on my own but spurred by his inspiration of helping me realize my passion for music) in which he told me that he had been similarly looking into music therapy options as well! But the second time.. Then, later that night, we randomly saw each other again at the cafeteria. Now, this wouldn't seem quite as "coincidental" if: 1. I never go to that dining hall but decided to go that day to cultivate a friendship with a girl on campus 2. He lives off-campus and never goes unless someone gives him a guest meal 3. He ended up sitting down at a table that was directly accross from mine just like at the computer lab 4. When we noticed each other, I was talking to my friend at the table about the SAME EXACT topic that I had talked about with him 3 weeks ago in the libarary. (The topic was about following your passions and having faith that God will lead us in the right direction and not worrying about money.) 5. This topic wouldn't have been so important except that it was what spurred our first connection, gave me inspiration to go into music therapy, and was so inspirational to me that I wrote a guitar song about it that night and played it for him. So, yeah. All I can conclude from this is that whenever I'm feeling at peace with myself and w/ God, this boy seems to randomly pop up into my life.

Also, I must update you about this strange type of correlation that I'm noticing b/t the peace that I feel within myself and the randomly bizarre "coincidences" that happen among this boy and myself. The other day, I was really feeling depressed. Just completely unmotivated and sad about not having "the one," my "missing link." I couldn't understand why I'd been praying so much for guidance, understanding...etc, but still feeling like I was getting nowhere. So, I decided like I used to do a lot last year when I was feeling distraught, to open up the Bible ask God to lead my hands to the right pages that could help answer the weighty tribulations on my mind. Well, I found some really reassuring scriptures that put me ease as if God was saying, "stop worrying!! He will come!" (Philemon 8-22) Along with another message, "My heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." (Psalm 73: 25-28). The second one made me think that I was being too desirous of the flesh. I wanted a body rather than goodness, and complete goodness would come from God anyways, something I always tend to forget about. Well, reading the scriptures made me feel better. I went to bed and had this dream. Now, you should probably know that for this entire semester I haven't been sleeping well and have actually started dreading going to bed. I HATE sleeping because I either have nightmares or wake up a million times throughout the night. But that night, I had this miraculous dream of peace. It was one of those things that you can't really put into words, but I remember feeling completely at ease. There was a sense of revelry and humble serenity. It felt like I was nowhere in particular, yet exactly at the place that I should be. It was so comforting, I woke up and knew that this dream would be the closest thing that I'd ever feel to peace here on earth. When I went about my day, I realized I wasn't hung up over not knowing what would become of me and this boy. I wasn't as crazily obsessed about him as before - I could tell because I wasn't constantly seeking him out around campus or thinking about him 24/7. Well, wouldn't you know, the next day we randomly meet (twice)...

Thanks, I'm appreciating all of your advice, and I will most likely, when I have some more time, message you all individually with another "thank you" b/c it really means a lot to have the extra support.

All I know is, when it's right... when it's really right, we will know if we ask to know. I've been praying a long time about this, and last year, when I was really asking for guidance and at my utmost despair, I had this dream. It was a miraculous dream in which I felt romantic love in the way that it should be felt between two people who are meant to be together. I can't really explain it. It was adoration and contentent mixed with like an unconditional type of loyalty. The feeling was magnetic and intense. I knew without words that he felt the same way, and I remember wrapping my arms around him and not wanting to let him go until I showed him to my parents. Now, this is the kinda strange, rather prophetic/coincidental part. The next day, I was reading the Bible, and what I do when I get really in the mode, is ask God to guide my hands to the right pages to answer the issues on my mind. Well, that day, I came accross Song of Songs, which talks all about God's way of answering how love should be felt between 2 signif. others. But the one verse that I came accross happened to match the exact scenario that occurred in my dream!!! Here's the lil passage: "Scarely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother's house." - Songs of Songs 3:4. So yeah, all I know is, if "the one" ever comes along, I will know he's right when I feel that way. Even if I think he's right, and everything is going well, I just don't think I can believe he really is "the one" unless I feel those feelings for him that I felt in my dream. Perhaps the reason why we don't know more is because we just don't ask. My friend told me the other day that it's okay to just pray to know what to pray for.