A question for anyone in a relationship...

[ImInLove232]

I have a quick question....I'm curious to see what other people would think in my situation....Well, when you're dating someone, they obviously have friends they also like to hang out with other than you.....now these are primarily friends of the same sex, but there are few from the opposite sex. If they all go out to a club, and you cannot make it most of the time (because of personal reasons)....do you think its alright for your boyfriend/girlfriend to dance with a girl/guy friend of theirs? Would you be jealous (to a small or large degree)? or do you find it offensive?

 

.....if you asked your boyfriend/girlfriend to not dance with someone from the opposite sex because it disturbs you, and your boyfriend/girlfriend replies with a "its not like i can wait forever for you to come out and dance with me" do you think you have the right to be upset (because of personal reasons you cant get out to the club)?

 

no need to answer all the questions lol.....feel free to answer whichever you want though...guys and girls welcome to answer

[Minty80]

I think I would be a little jealous, but at the same time it seems to me that the point of going to the club is at least partially to dance. So I would probably be okay with it. I mean, it wouldn't be my boyfriends fault that I couldn't go so why should he have to wait and only have fun with me?

 

I think it would depend on the frequency. If it was once in awhile it definitely wouldn't bug me. If he often chose to go out to the club with his friends rather than see me that would definitely signal a problem. Of course I'm assuming here that if he didn't go to the club he would be able to come to my house and hangout or go out to some other place together. If there was zero chance I could see him that night then again it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't expect him to stay home just because I had too.

[FCTex]

I have no problem with going out to the clubs, even for my girl to. In the past, I've allowed it, but always figured the reason most people go to clubs.. is to meet people.

 

I think that dancing prevocatively with someone of the opposite sex, is somewhat out of line, unless it's with a friend. Random men feeling up on some areas that only I should be allowed to touch in my women, is not cool, especially her allowing it.

 

However, going out with girlfriends and doing that sort of thing, I wouldnt see a problem, if they got mad about it.

[darkblue]

Does your girlfriend know the 'personal reasons' which stop you from attending?

Is it strong reasons which she is possibly being inconsiderate towards?

 

I think you have a right to be a little jealous. Jealousy and protectiveness are natural feelings.

But the way which you go about explaining your feelings could have been conveyed more effectively.

You seemed to be aggressive in your manner, and she may misinterpret feelings of 'upset' with 'resent'.

[ImInLove232]

Yes, my boyfriend knows my personal reasons (which are my strict parents whom do not like him, however I try to get out once in a while with an excuse of hanging out with a friend)....his friends are single guys who pretty much go to the club every weekend....I had told him a long time ago that it would hurt my feelings if he danced with another girl....he confessed recently that he had danced with a couple of his girl friends, who he says he isnt attracted too and it was just a friendly dance.

 

Personally, I went away this summer, I was at clubs over the weekends, I have a bunch of guy friends there, but I opted to not dance with any of them. Dancing, to me, is something that reminds me of intamacy. Not to mention the fact that most girls dance very provacitive (atleast the friends of my boyfriend I am sure that they do) and thinking of some girl, even if she is just some friend, dancing provacative with my man....its really upsetting

[darkblue]

It's reasonable for you to be somewhat angery by this situation.

And thank you for being so tactful in my response being of the wrong gender - I appologise. (But the same goes)

 

You could try approaching him in a more caring way. Explaining that it makes you feel as if you are being pushed aside for women who are able to attend, when he knows full well that you are unable for reasons outwith your control.

 

Do you trust him?

[ImInLove232]

Yes, I do trust him....I guess my mind is more concerned with a girl hitting on him more than anything...and quite honestly, I don't like the girls that much.....they are kind of the 'skanky' type. I'm honestly just the really jealous type...and I dont want to sound full of myself or anything, but I know I've got the looks over these girls, but I'm always wondering 'what about all the other girls at the club' .......I don't know if its normal for me to be jealous of the fact that maybe my boyfriend (will not approach anyone) but check someone out. It's just the whole idea that a club is mainly a setting for single people to mingle.

[darkblue]

The bottom line is - if you are not comfortable with your boyfriend having girl - friends. You have deeper issues than jealousy (which, in excess, is an insecurity in itself).

 

If it is just the dancing with his friends you are concerned with - you are only human, and are normal to feel jealous.

 

However, it is your statement of being a 'jealous type', which concerns me.

Do you disapprove often of things he does?

Has he given any reason for your jealousy to override your mind?

 

If you truly trust him - you will trust that he will not try anything with women who may even push themselves on him.

[ImInLove232]

very true....Thank you so much for your advice darkblue.

[darkblue]

Anytime.

And I hope things work out for you.

[Dating Coach]

If the person was my friend, I don't mind. If I don't knwo the guy, it is not fine. Oh, and no matter who it is, grinding is definitely out of the question.